


The Hidden One

by jedikiller



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Actual plot, Draco is an asshole, Even the weasley twins, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Harry has feelings, Rough Sex, Slow Burn, Torture, Trauma Bonding, Unhealthy Relationships, With a soft heart, and there will be smut, everyone has a crush on reader, kinda follows original plot but with a lot of tweaking around, not canon hogwarts ages, reader has magic abilities, ron is in love with hermione, there will probably be death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:01:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 89,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26809297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedikiller/pseuds/jedikiller
Summary: After being locked away for almost 18 years by your mother, Alecto Carrow, you are thrown into a whole new world once discovered. You now have to start a new life while trying to learn about your old one. The Dark Lord is interested in you, but you don't know why. Your friends at Hogwarts will try their best to protect you, but you don't know who is telling the truth from either side.Fic Playlist:https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3FwqEzKWAr9Y8T7bcBMz4Q?si=ANcNows6QQ6-ddGCXO45Mw
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Reader, Fred Weasley/Reader, George Weasley/Reader, Harry Potter/Reader
Comments: 28
Kudos: 230





	1. The Malfoys

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I decided to write the reader as Alecto Carrow's daughter so that anyone of any race or heritage can imagine themselves. If I had written someone as the daughter of Bellatrix, that automatically erases anyone who is not white and I want to be inclusive. Plus, reader will have some moments with Draco, and we do not want reader and Draco to be related lmao. Also, this will technically be year six at Hogwarts, but everyone is going to be 18 years old since there is going to be smut. We definitely do not wanna be reading/writing underage smut. Yuck! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy <3

It was grey and gloomy outside, matching the way you had felt for the last few days. You lived alone with your mother, and she still hadn’t come home. When she was gone, you felt nervous. You liked to stay in your room and keep to yourself. Occasionally a house elf would knock on your door and you’d let them flip over your bed sheets and clean your room. It was the only contact you had with anyone besides your mother. She called them servants, but you felt like the word was too harsh. Even though you weren’t close to any of them, you liked to think they were friends. It was lonely living your life. 

You didn’t know why your mother kept you so hidden. It was irritating, but it wasn’t easy talking to her. You didn’t know what she did for a living, nor where she’d go off to when she was gone for days on end. When she had house guests over, she made you stay in your room. Sometimes you’d try to listen with your ear to the door, but you never caught any voices. Your home was large, so you assumed she kept them on the opposite side of it. 

A knock came from the other side of your door and you jumped slightly. You looked over at your clock, realizing it was already 10pm. It was a little late for a house elf to be coming by, and you knew there was no way it was your dinner since you had already eaten. 

Confused but curious, you walked towards the door slowly. Another knock came, and you felt your heart rate pick up. With your hand on the doorknob, you flung it open to see a woman around your mother’s age standing in the doorway. She had dark hair with white streaks under her top layer. She was pale and looked tired. 

“Who are you and what are you doing in my house?” you asked, looking her up and down. She was dressed head to toe in all black. Her hands were visible, neither holding a wand. Your mom always carried hers with her, but never let you have one of your own, even though you were almost 18. 

“My name is Narcissa Malfoy. I’m a friend of your mothers. I’ve been sent to retrieve you.” She replied. Something about her voice was warm and inviting, but you were still on edge. 

“Where is she? She hasn’t been home in days.” you said. 

“Alecto and a few others were caught and taken to Azkaban.” Narcissa said. “I’m here to take you back to my home and look after you until she is released.” 

“No one ever gets released from Azkaban.” you replied. Though your mother tried her best to keep you from her world, you still knew a little bit about it. 

“We have a way of getting people out.” Narcissa said. “Now please, pack your things and meet me out front. And be quick, we haven’t got all night.” She turned and walked away, leaving you in the doorway. 

“That was a lot to swallow in such a short amount of time.” you thought to yourself. Your mother had never mentioned anyone with the surname Malfoy before, but then again she hadn’t really ever mentioned anyone besides your uncle, Amycus. You didn’t even know who your father was. You were too scared to ask her what happened to him. 

You turned and walked over to your bed. You wanted to sit, but knew that wasn’t an option. There was so much information to process, but for some reason you trusted Narcissa. You bent over and pulled a suitcase out from underneath your bed and started to fill it with some clothes from your dresser. You packed enough to last you two weeks, figuring that would be the longest you’d have to stay with the Malfoys. 

You zipped up your suitcase, whispered a spell under your breath so that it would float behind you, and made your way downstairs. Even though your mother never let you have your own wand, that couldn’t keep you from practicing verbal spells. You never knew why she didn’t want you to have one, but assumed it had something to do with it being dangerous. You had always wondered if only certain people were allowed to have wands. Your mother had a huge library and sometimes when she was gone you’d sneak in there and read books. You learned a decent amount about the magical world and wanted desperately to be a part of it instead of rotting away in your room. 

But mum always said it was for the best. 

Narcissa was standing outside waiting for you. “Hold onto your suitcase and take my arm.” She said, holding out her arm. “Do not let go.”

Unsure but not wanting to question her, you grabbed hold of your suitcase handle and then placed your hand on her arm. Everything went white and your body felt like it was bending and stretching in all different directions. It was almost painful, and before you were able to shout out, it was over. You blinked a few times before realizing you were standing in front of a giant mansion. It was tall and wide, with black bricks and dark windows. 

“Welcome to Malfoy Manor.” Narcissa said. 

You didn’t respond but followed her as she walked up the stone steps. She opened the front doors and ushered you inside, your suitcase following close behind. The inside of the home was just as unwelcoming as the outside. It reminded you of a dungeon, but well decorated. Everything was dark and clean. There were a few plants in the walkway, which was the only pop of color you could see. You looked up the staircase and saw a boy with white hair watching you from the top. He seemed to be the same age as you. You watched as he snarled and walked away. 

“Follow me.” Narcissa said. 

You did as you were told. Narcissa lead you into a room with an incredibly long black table with many chairs on either side. There was only one person sitting at the table, though. He had the same shade of hair as the boy you had seen earlier, but it was shoulder length and he was much older. He stood and motioned for you to sit. You looked to Narcissa and she nodded. You pulled out a chair and sat at the table, directly across from the man. 

“Thank you, Narcissa.” He said, motioning at her to leave. “Now, I’m sure you have a lot of questions, but I unfortunately can’t answer them all for you.”

You stayed quiet. 

“My name is Lucius Malfoy, and you’ve met my wife Narcissa, obviously.” His voice was cold and smooth. You nodded and he continued. “Your mother has done quite a good job at keeping you closed off from our world, and none of us were aware of this until her recent lock up at Azkaban.” 

You continued to stay quiet. There was something about this man that made you a little uneasy. 

“We were asked to take care of you by her. Of course, we’d oblige. But, we will not let her debilitate you any further. She has never given you a proper education, not even a wand. Like I said, this is a surprise to us all and we are quite confused why she’d do a thing like this.” He continued. “Has she ever told you why?”

You shook your head no. 

“Right, well, we’ve decided that’s no longer going to work. We’ve been instructed to send you to Hogwarts. Though you’re almost eighteen and students usually start when they are eleven, we were able to pull some strings and get the Headmaster to accept you. We have someone on the inside there that is quite persuasive.” Lucius said. 

“What’s Hogwarts?” you asked, feeling a little ridiculous. 

Lucius raised an eyebrow. “A school for witches and wizards, like yourself.” 

You nodded at him. 

“Anyways, it’s getting late. You should rest. I’ll have one of our house elves show you to your room.” Lucius said. 

“Thank you, sir.” you replied before standing from your chair. You looked down to see an old house elf waiting, and you followed him. 

He escorted you out of the room and back down the hallway. The two of you climbed the spiral staircase in silence, both of your footsteps echoing and making the house feel empty. The house elf lead you down another hallway and past a few doors before he stopped in front of one. 

“Your things are inside.” he said, before walking away. 

“Thank you!” you called down the hallway towards him, but he didn’t turn to say anything. 

You sighed before opening the door to your new room. It was large, practically the same size as yours at home. But, it was not personalized. There were candles hanging off the dark walls, a large oak bed with black sheets, a tall mirror, a dresser, and a large window with two black chairs sitting in front of it. You walked towards the bed where your suitcase was propped up. You went to unzip it and grab your pajamas, but someone’s voice came from behind you. 

“Who are you?” 

You spun around to see the white haired boy leaning up against your doorway. 

“Isn’t it rude to enter someone’s room without a knock?” you asked. 

“This is my home, I can do what I like.” he spat. “Now, answer my question.” 

“I’m a Carrow.” you replied. “My mother is Alecto.” 

“I’ve heard of you. No need to tell me your name, I probably wouldn’t use it anyways.” He said. 

You raised an eyebrow. Who did this guy think he was? 

“I heard you’ve never been to Hogwarts, nor have you ever used a wand. Can’t believe your stupid mother kept you hidden away to such an extent.” He laughed. 

“Don’t talk about my mother like that.” you snapped. 

“She must be stupid, especially if she wouldn’t let her own daughter learn magic. What a waste.” he continued. “You’re probably just as stupid.”

You took a step towards him. “Do not call me stupid.” 

“Acting tough now? It’s not like you could do anything to me, sweetheart.” he took a few steps towards you. He touched his hand to your cheek and laughed. “You’re harmless.” 

“Repellendum.” you said quickly, sending the boy flying back. 

You smiled as he stumbled, trying to catch his balance. “I’m not as harmless as you think.” you said. 

He smirked at you. “Alright, Carrow.” he looked you up and down before leaving you to yourself. 

You rolled your eyes at being called your surname. You walked over to the door and closed it, hoping he wouldn’t come back. You wondered what his name was, especially since he didn’t bother to introduce himself. You didn’t like that he knew your name but you didn’t know his. How would he know anything about you anyways? Maybe your mother had mentioned it to him, or his parents. 

Regardless, it bothered you. Plus, he was a huge asshole. But, you couldn’t deny that he was attractive. 

You got your pajamas out from your suitcase and changed in silence. So much had happened in the last few hours, it was hard to process. You didn’t really know where to start. You crawled into bed, surprised at how soft the sheets were. You closed your eyes and tried your best to fall asleep, even though so many thoughts were keeping you from peace. 

The last thing you remember flashing through your mind before falling asleep was that damn smirk. 

-

You woke up, but still felt tired. You turned towards the window and realized it was still night. Feeling thirsty, you decided to try and find the kitchen so you could get a glass of water. You quietly slipped out of your room and into the hallway. You were thankful for the dimly lit candles that lined the walls of the house as you found your way down the staircase. You were walking past the room where you had met Lucius Malfoy when you heard faint voices. 

You paused, feeling bad for considering eavesdropping in someone else's home, but you couldn’t kick your curiosity. You put your ear to the door and tried to make out any words. 

“I’m not sure when the Dark Lord will be able to retrieve them from Azkaban, but I don’t think he’s in a hurry. No, I believe he wants Alecto’s daughter in our care for as long as possible.” you heard Lucius say. “He is not happy with Alecto either. She thought that she could protect her daughter from him, and he intends to show her that doing so was a mistake.” 

“Does her daughter know why?” you heard a deep male voice ask. 

“No, and that’s what the Dark Lord wants. She doesn’t need to know what she’s capable of. That’s his business now.” Lucius replied. 

“What are you doing?” a voice whispered behind you. You gasped and spun around to see the blonde boy again. He threw his hand over your mouth. “You shouldn’t be listening in.” 

You pushed him away from you and walked quickly down the hall. You made it halfway up the steps of the staircase until he grabbed you by the wrist. 

“Don’t walk away from me.” he hissed. 

You jerked your arm from him. “Do not touch me.” You glared at him before climbing the rest of the stairs and heading towards your room. As soon as you swung your door open, you went to close it but the boy stopped the door. “Get out of my room.” you snapped. 

“I wouldn’t snoop around my home late at night, it could get you in trouble.” he said. 

“Yeah? How's that?” you asked. 

“Dangerous people come through here. People who’d be interested in seeing you. If I were you, I’d stay in here.” he replied. 

“Why would dangerous people be interested in seeing me?” you asked. 

“Just trust me. You should be thankful your mother kept you away from all this for so long.” he replied. 

“Why should I be?” you asked. 

“Because this is a dangerous world.” he said. 

“Who’s the Dark Lord and what does he want with me?” 

The boy snorted. “I doubt the Dark Lord would want anything to do with you.”

“I heard them say it, through the door. They said I don’t need to know what I’m capable of.” you said. 

“I don’t know what they’re talking about, but I can assure you that you’re not capable of much.” he said. 

“But then why would my mother go to such lengths to keep me hidden for all these years?” you asked. 

“I don’t know, Carrow. Stop asking me questions. You’ll find out for yourself in your own time, just like I had to.” he said. 

You crossed your arms with a huff. 

“No more snooping around at night, got it?” he asked.

“Whatever.” you replied. 

“Good. I’ll see you in the morning, I’m sure.” he said before disappearing down the hall. 

You were annoyed that he left your door open. You peaked your head out and saw him down the hall. You wanted to shout after him, but also didn’t want whoever was in the house to know you were awake. You groaned under your breath before closing the door and climbing back into your bed. 

You laid awake, but tried desperately to fall back asleep. You regretted listening in on the conversation. You already had so many questions, but everything just got even more overwhelming. You had never heard of a Dark Lord, nor did you know what he wanted from you. 

You were just a Carrow, right? 


	2. Hogwarts, A History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but I hope you enjoy <3

A knock came from your bedroom door, causing you to stir. Everything had felt like a dream, and it took you a few moments to adjust to your surroundings. You had expected to wake up in your own room, but you were still at Malfoy Manor. Another knock came and you groaned. You climbed out of bed and walked over, knowing that at least the blonde haired boy wouldn’t be the one bothering you this morning. 

Since, you know, he doesn’t knock. 

You opened the door to find a tray of food sitting nicely on top of a small rolling food cart. You took the silver platter and walked back into your room, closing the door with your foot. You set the platter on your bed and took a seat next to it. You laid back out across your bed and sighed.  You weren’t hungry. Everything felt too weird to eat. You were in a foreign home, surrounded by strangers, and thrown into a world you hardly knew about. 

Grabbing one of the pieces of toast, you stood and walked over to the large window. You looked out while taking a bite, enjoying the view of the courtyard. The greenery was lush and well taken care of. The Malfoy’s took great care of their home, and you admired that. You wanted to know more about them, especially their son, but weren’t sure if you were allowed to ask. Narcissa seemed kind, Lucius put you off a bit with his cold demeanor, and you weren’t sure what to think of their son yet. 

You decided to get dressed and head down stairs. Perhaps you could find someone and not have to spend your day alone in a room, like you usually did. Even a house elf would do, honestly. It was hard keeping yourself entertained when it was usually just...you. 

After dressing, you found your way down the hall and descended the spiral staircase. The house was quiet, and you wondered if you were alone. You walked down a few hallways listening for any signs of life. No voices or footsteps could be heard from any part of the house. You leaned up against a wall and sighed. You couldn’t even find a house elf. Were these people only active at night? You laughed to yourself, jokingly thinking that they were vampires. Maybe they were sleeping in, especially since everyone was up so late last night. 

“Snooping around again?” you heard a voice say. 

“Not snooping, just looking.” you replied without turning your head. 

“That’s the same thing.” the blonde boy responded. 

“I’m not snooping to find anything out, I’m just having a look around is all.” you said. “It’s quiet, where is everyone?” 

“Gone, like always.” he replied. 

“Your parents are gone often?” you asked. 

“They leave me to the house when I’m not at Hogwarts, I’m used to it by now.” he said. 

“My mum would leave me at home for days on end too.” you said, your voice trailing off. 

“I don’t care what your mum used to do.” he replied. 

“You’re quite friendly.” you responded while rolling your eyes. 

“Don’t expect someone to be friendly to a stranger living in their home.” he said. 

“I’d rather be kind than cold.” 

“Then we don’t have anything in common.” he said. 

“No, I think we do. You just don’t want me to know about you.” you said, and he looked up at you. You smiled. “You’re easy to read, even though I’m sure you think the opposite.”

“Shut up, Carrow.” he snarled. “You don’t know me, and you never will.” you watched as he walked down the hallway. 

“Oh, come on.” you groaned at him, following behind. “If it’s just the two of us, shouldn’t we at least keep each other company? Don’t you get bored?” 

“No, I do not get bored.” he said, not looking at you but continuing to walk. 

“I’m sure you must. I know I do.” you replied. 

He stopped and turned to look at you. “Stop trying to get to know me.” he snapped. “And stop following me.” 

You watched as he turned on his heel and disappeared down the hallway. You didn’t know why what he said hurt, especially since you hardly knew him. But, wasn’t he lonely? You of all people would understand what it’s like being stuck at home all the time. You wondered if his parents treated him well, or if they ignored him like your mother did with you. Sure, the two of you talked a little bit, but there was more fear felt towards your mother than love. She was a mystery. You knew her first and last name, that was about it. You were pretty sure the two of you had never even told each other ‘I love you’. 

You just wanted a friend. Maybe that’s why his words hurt. You never felt close to anyone. But at least after all those years, you were close with yourself. It was comforting to think about. You figured not as many people understood or knew themselves the way you did. That’s what happens when you are your only friend for over seventeen years. 

You found your way back to your room and decided to sit in one of the black chairs looking out the window. It was a gloomy day, just as the one before. You wondered when you’d be going to Hogwarts and what you should expect. Maybe if that boy could be a little friendlier, he would tell you. It was scary not knowing what you’d be getting yourself into. As of recently, this was the most people you had ever been around. Hogwarts was most likely a large school. Could you handle being around hundreds of people? 

You watched some of the trees outside sway as a breeze blew by. You wished you had someone to talk to. Or at least someone you felt comfortable asking questions. Being shrouded in so much mystery was annoying. Everyone knew so much about you, it seemed. In fact, they seemed to know more about you than you did yourself. But, how could that be possible? It wasn’t. 

“Follow me.” 

You turned your head around quickly to see the blonde haired boy standing in your doorway. You wanted to make fun of him for not knocking, but decided to just listen. If you could be friendly, maybe he’d choose to be friendly too. You got up and followed him down the hallway and around a corner. You walked down a different staircase than the one you had before that led to another dark hallway. He walked down the hall a few feet before stopping in front of a closed door. When you reached him, he opened it, revealing a room lined with bookshelves. 

“This is where I go when I’m here alone.” he said, stepping inside. 

“So, you do get bored.” you replied. 

“No, Carrow. I do not get bored. I just chose to fill my time with books.” he replied. 

“Yes, to cure your boredom.” you said as you started to take the room in. There were a few seats scattered about with tables and lamps beside them. There were two windows with dark curtains and a few potted plants in each corner of the room. 

He glared at you, but you ignored it. You walked along the bookshelves, skimming over the book titles. Some you recognized, but most you had never heard of before. “So, what made you decide to show me this?” you asked, turning to look at him. 

“You said you get bored.” he replied. 

“That’s kind of you to think of me.” you said. 

He snarled. 

You saw a book sitting on a table next to a dark green armchair. You walked over to it and picked it up. The title read, “Hogwarts, A History”. You looked over at him. “Are you picking books out for me to read too?” you asked. 

“Don’t flatter yourself. Mum and dad said I have to keep an eye out on you at school. I don’t need you embarrassing me. You don’t know much about this world, so you better learn over the next few weeks.” he responded. 

“Thanks.” you said with a smile. 

He said nothing, but instead started to walk towards the exit. 

“Before you go, can you do something for me?” you asked. 

“What?” he snapped. 

“Can you tell me your name?” you asked. 

He sighed. You could tell he was slightly irritated with you. 

“Draco.”


	3. Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short, next chapter will be much longer. Enjoy!

The next few days you fell into a comfortable routine. Lucius and Narcissa were not around, something you were already used to thanks to your mother. You hardly saw Draco, either. But, you knew he was thinking of you. Every day you’d wake up, have breakfast and change, and then make your way down to the library he had shown you. And every day, Draco would leave a book out for you to read. You spent your whole day reading, and it brought you comfort. You learned about the magical world you’d soon be a part of, the school you’d be attending, and other things here and there. You even got to read a folklore book which you enjoyed quite so. 

Sometimes Draco would pop in unexpectedly. He was quiet, which you preferred over his usual unpleasant conversation. You figured he’d eventually come around, he just needed time. You were quite impressed with them though, to say the least. You could tell he was intelligent and wondered if that was what he was known for at Hogwarts. Though you were a little bit worried to attend, you were thankful you’d have him by your side and hoped the two of you could grow a little closer beforehand. 

Evening had fallen and you were up in your room getting ready for bed. You stood before the giant window of your room, looking out over the courtyard as the sun was almost set. Out of thin air, three people appeared. You jumped in surprise, then realizing that you recognized two of them; Lucius and Narcissa. The other one was dressed in all black, just like the Malfoys. He had long, black hair to match that hung around his pale face. 

You exited your room swiftly and quietly and crept to the stop of the staircase so that you could overlook the entrance of the home. The giant black doors opened slowly, and the three of them walked in. They were quiet, not speaking to each other like you had hoped. You wanted to catch a bit of conversation. All three of them looked exhausted, their pale skin looked white in contrast to the dark circles underneath their eyes. They walked down the hall and out of view, and you sighed in disappointment. 

“Looks like we aren’t alone anymore.” Draco said from behind you. 

You turned to look at him. “Do you ever not sneak up on people?” you asked. 

“Much more fun than announcing my presence.” he responded. “Plus, you can’t catch someone doing something if they know you’re watching.” 

“Yeah, and you say I snoop…” you trailed off. 

“You do, there’s nothing else to go over regarding your snooping.” Draco said. 

You let out a huff. “Anyways, want to tell me who that man is that’s with your parents?” you asked. 

“Severus Snape. He’s a professor at Hogwarts, and the Head of Slytherin House.” Draco replied. 

You were surprised he gave you an actual answer. “What is he doing here with your parents?” 

“You ask too many questions.” Draco said, turning and walking down the hall. 

“And?” you called after him. “If you were in my position, you would do the same.” 

Draco spun around and threw his hand over your mouth. “You like to be loud, don’t you?” 

You stared at him, his hand still over your mouth. 

“Mum and dad don’t like loud. So keep quiet.” he said, taking his hand off. 

“You don’t like to be bothered by them, do you?” you asked. “You stay out of sight. If they don’t see you, they’ll forget about you. Right?” 

“If you had gone through what I have, you’d do the same.” he snapped. 

“I’m sorry.” you apologized, not realizing what you said would bother him. 

“Just stop trying to understand me. Stop reading into me. It’s getting exhausting.” he said. “I don’t know how I’m going to survive with you following me around everywhere at Hogwarts.”

You bit your cheek. What he said was hurtful. You had hoped the two of you could become friends. “I’m sorry, but you’re the only person I have to talk to. Of course I want to understand you, I want to be friends. Life has been lonely for me, and I know it has been for you too. And now we are stuck together, and yet you still won’t take the opportunity of having a friend.” you said. 

Draco took a step towards you, pointing a finger in your chest. His face got close to yours, and you flinched. “I have friends. You don’t. It sounds like you need me a lot more than I need you.” he snapped before turning on his heel and leaving you alone in the hallway. 

You waited until he was out of view before letting out a giant sigh. Being friends with Draco was proving to be harder than you thought. You thought he cared, especially with him showing you the library and picking out books for you to read. Maybe you read him wrong. Draco may be more of a mystery than you previously assumed. 

You went back to your room and closed the door quietly. You crawled into bed and sprawled out on top of the blankets. A knock came from your door, and for a split second you were hopeful that it was Draco. “Come in.” you said softly. You watched as the door opened and Narcissa’s head popped into view. She walked in and closed the door behind her, giving you a faint smile as she did so. She walked over to your bed and stood at the side of it as you straightened up to talk to her. 

“I’m sorry we haven’t been around. I’m sure this is all a little overwhelming for you.” she apologized. 

“It’s alright. I’m thankful for what you and Lucius have done for me.” you replied. 

“I hope Draco has been kind to you while we were absent, I know sometimes he can have a bit of a bite.” she said. 

“He’s been great.” you lied. 

“Good, good.” her voice trailed off as she stared at the floor. You quietly waited for her to continue. “Have you been okay?” she asked softly. 

This was the first time someone had asked how you were doing since everything had happened and you felt your heart jerk a bit. You wanted to be honest with her, and something inside you said you could. You wanted to cry, you wanted to tell her you were overwhelmed, and you wanted her to know you were a little bit scared too. But then again, something was holding you back from opening up to her. You wanted to ask questions, but you felt like no one wanted to answer them. Not only were you thrown into this world, but it was like you were expected to figure everything out on your own too. 

“I’ve been better.” you finally said. It was broad enough, and the truth. Even though you hated being locked away in your home, it was comfortable. This was the opposite of that. 

“I’m sorry, I know that this can be confusing and scary. I wish I could tell you more, but the truth is, we don’t really know much about you or your situation. But I promise we are going to take care of you and make sure you have what you need in order to be successful. That’s why we want you to go to Hogwarts. Not only will you learn there, but you’ll be safe.” she said. 

“Safe from what?” you asked. 

“There are people in this world who will want to hurt you or use you. You need to be careful.” she warned. 

“Why would someone want to use me?” you asked. 

“You are special, and in due time you will learn. I’m sure you’re already aware, especially since you had spent so much time on your own.” she replied. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you responded. It was the truth, you didn’t know why she thought you were special. You were ordinary. Probably below ordinary since you were locked away for all those years. Your mother stunted your educational growth, there was nothing special about that. 

“Please, just trust me. Look out for yourself. We will have others looking out for you too.” she said. 

“Like Draco?” you asked. 

“Yes, like Draco. There will be others, too.” she said. 

“Who else?” you asked. 

“You will meet them. But for now, get some rest. Tomorrow we are going to go get you a wand and your school books. You don’t want to be tired.” she said. 

You nodded. You watched as she exited your room without saying good night and you felt your stomach sink. You figured you should be excited for tomorrow, but instead you were nervous. Your first outing and you didn’t know what to expect. You hoped Draco would tag along. Maybe he’d be friendlier if his mother was with the two of you. 

You were hopeful, at least.


	4. Pure Blood

You woke from a knock at your door in the early morning. You assumed it was the house elves dropping off your breakfast, and you were correct. It was hard to eat since you were nervous about what the day held for you, but you still tried to force yourself to have at least a little bit of food. You changed your clothes and got ready before sitting on your bed, unsure of what to do next. You wondered if someone would come retrieve you or if you were supposed to meet Narcissa somewhere in the house. 

Draco opened your door without knocking, as usual, and you jumped slightly. “Let’s go.” he said with no emotion in his voice, and then disappeared out of the doorway. 

You paused for a moment, wishing that there was a lock on your bedroom door. Not wanting to hold up Narcissa, you got moving and made your way down the hallway. At the top of the steps you looked down and saw Lucius and Draco waiting for you. You descended the staircase and walked up to them. “Where’s Narcissa?” you asked. 

“She’s unable to accompany you today, so I’ll be taking her place.” Lucius replied. 

“Oh, alright.” you said, not wanting to ask any questions. You locked eyes with Draco and he raised his eyebrows at you for a second. 

“Yes, anyways, let’s get going.” Lucius continued. He put his arm out, the other was holding a long walking staff. You watched as Draco put his hand on his father’s arm, and you decided to do the same. 

The world around you went white, just as it had the one time Narcissa transported the two of you to her home. The uncomfortable feeling of being stretched and pulled left as suddenly as it came, and you were standing in the middle of a cobblestone street surrounded by many people walking about in robes. You took a moment to look around in complete awe. There were so many shops lined up and down the street with enticing things hanging in their windows that you had never seen before, and it all felt so exciting. 

Before you knew it, Draco was pulling you by the arm to follow him and his father. You felt like a fool for taking a moment to look around, especially since the two Malfoy men did not seem interested in taking their time browsing. 

“Keep up.” Draco said, letting go of your arm as the two of you followed his father. 

“You don’t have to be so rough.” you said, rubbing your arm. 

“You’d get lost if I wasn’t.” he said. 

You decided not to respond. There was too much going on around you for you to want to argue with the blonde haired boy. As the three of you walked past the shops, many people turned to watch. You wondered if Lucius and Draco were well known in the wizarding world. A few men nodded at Lucius as he passed, and he returned the gesture. The way Lucius carried himself was powerful. He was tall, with perfect posture. His chin was up, nose in the air, and his walking staff made him even more intimidating. 

Lucius stopped outside of an old looking shop, and you and Draco followed as he led the way inside. The shop was grey, cold, and dusty. You couldn’t see very far back into it, but there were many tall shelves filled with little boxes. An old man appeared from behind one of the shelves, looking a little nervous once he was Lucius. 

“Lucius, how have you been?” the old man asked as he walked up to the front. 

“Fine, Ollivander.” he replied coldly. 

“What can I do for you today, sir?” the old man asked. 

“We need to get this one here a wand.” he said, gesturing towards you. 

“Oh, Miss, did you lose yours?” Ollivander asked, looking over to you. 

“No, Miss Carrow is in need of her first wand.” Lucius replied for you. 

Ollivander gave you an intrigued look. “At this age?” he asked. 

“Yes, at this age.” Lucius said. 

Ollivander looked you up and down before disappearing behind one of the shelves. The three of you waited a few moments before he returned holding one of the small boxes. “I believe this would best be fit for you.” he said, taking the wand out. It was all black, long, and sleek looking. “Similar to your mothers, 13.5 inches, made of cypress and a Dragon heartstring core.” he said. “The cypress tree symbolizes eternal life and death.” he continued before handing the wand over to you. 

Reluctantly, you took it into your hand. For a moment, you felt unsure. It was weird being connected to your mother, especially by a man you had never met before. The wand felt light in your hand, but unnatural. Nonetheless, a breeze came over your body and you gasped at the surprise of it. 

“Yes, just as I thought. This is the one for you.” Ollivander said, looking confident. “I had been wondering when Mrs. Carrow’s kin would walk through my door. I’ve been holding onto that wand for quite some time now.”

The feeling of a heavy breeze disappeared and you let out a deep breath. You were unsure how you felt using a wand like your mothers. You never felt connected to her, so why would the two of you share such a similar wand? You weren’t very fond of what cypress wood symbolized either. Eternal life and death? Was that supposed to mean something about yourself or your family?

Lucius pulled some coins out of a bag and placed them on the counter. Ollivander nodded to him and boxed up your wand. “Be careful with it.” he said to you while handing it off. You smiled and nodded. 

“Let’s go.” Lucius said, sounding impatient. 

You and Draco followed Lucius back out onto the street. You held the box close to you, making sure you won’t accidentally drop it if someone bumps into you. You saw a few red headed boys down the street and smiled to yourself as they joked around. There was a girl with bushy brown hair who accompanied them, ignoring the boys as they laughed. The three of you passed them, and you watched as Malfoy gave one of the boys a dirty look. 

“Malfoy.” the red headed boy said. The girl with brown hair took note of you before looking away. She seemed kind, but you didn’t say anything. 

“Weasley.” Draco snarled before Lucius butted in. 

“Don’t waste your time, Draco.” he said. 

You raised an eyebrow at him, but Draco ignored you. You wondered what the deal was between him and the redhead. But, like always, you knew not to ask any questions. 

“I don’t know why he spends so much time with that mudblood.” Draco mumbled to himself. 

You had never heard the word before, but from the way he said it you could tell it was no good. Keeping your head down, you continued to follow Lucius through the crowd. Someone passing by bumped into you, and you were pushed into Draco. He shoved you away from him and smoothed out his clothes. “Watch where you’re walking.” he said, not even bothering to look at you. 

“Sorry..” you said under your breath. You were looking forward to a decent day, but it seemed like this outing wouldn’t be as pleasant as you had hoped. You were thankful to the Malfoy’s for doing this for you, but you were starting to feel like a burden. 

Lucius lead the two of you into a book store which was much busier than Ollivander’s. You were a little overwhelmed by the amount of people in such a small space. Everyone seemed to be shopping with one of their parents. You took note of the kids picking out books as the parents waited to pay. You watched as Lucius walked up to the counter, said something to whoever was behind it, and they disappeared to the back of the store. Draco was pretending to be busy, possibly because he didn’t want to interact with anyone around. You were sure people knew who he was, you saw a few of them whisper and look in his direction. The negative attention seemed to be stressing him out. 

The bookstore worker returned from the back with two seperate piles of books. Lucius snapped to get Draco’s attention and had him pick up one of the bundles. Lucius grabbed the other, and you followed them out. Lucius turned to you and handed you the bundle without saying anything. He then continued down the street, and you and Draco followed. Lucius turned a corner and everything seemed a lot darker. There were less people about, the street was much more quiet, and all the buildings were black. Lucius stopped in front of a store that had skeletons of creatures hanging in the window. 

“Stay out here.” he instructed to you and Draco, and you nodded. 

Lucius opened the door and closed it swiftly behind him. You caught a glimpse of the inside and saw two people talking to one another. One was a woman with curly black hair and the other was the man you had seen with Narcissa and Lucius the other day. Draco leaned up against the store and let out a sigh. 

“What are they doing in there?” you asked. 

“How should I know?” he said rudly. 

You stared at him. “You don’t have to be mean to me all the time, you know.”

“Just be thankful I even awknowledge you.” he said. 

“I don’t think you’re as much of a blessing as you think.” you replied. 

“I’d watch my mouth if I were you.” Draco snapped. 

“I just don’t understand why you’re like this. I haven’t done anything to hurt you.” you shrugged. 

Draco stayed silent, which you were surprised by. 

“Who was that red head?” you asked, trying to change the mood. 

“A Weasley.” Draco replied sharply. 

“What’s a mudblood?” you asked. 

“A disgusting excuse for a wizard or witch, that’s what.” Draco replied. 

“Am I one? Is that why you’re so mean to me?” you asked half joking. 

“No, you’re a pure blood.” Draco said. “I treat you the same as I would anyone else.”

“Right.” you said. “How do you know I’m a pure blood, then?” 

“Because, my family only interacts with other pure bloods.” he said. 

“What does pure blood even mean?” you asked. 

“Your mum is a witch and your dad is a wizard. Pure blood, pure genetic line.” he said. 

“How would you know about my dad?” you asked. 

“I just do.” he replied. 

You didn’t believe him. How could he be so sure about your father when your mother had never even mentioned him to you. You were starting to hate the feeling you had that everyone knew you and your family better than yourself. Before you could say anything else, Lucius stepped out of the store. Draco straightened up immediately and walked over to his father. 

Lucius held out his arm and Draco placed his hand on it. You tried to look at Draco, but he wouldn’t make eye contact. You placed your hand next to his, and everything around you turned white. Moments later, the three of you were standing outside of Malfoy Manor. Draco immediately let go of his fathers arm and stormed into the mansion. 

His father turned to you. “I’d like a word with you, if you don’t mind.”

“Uh, yeah. Of course.” you said. 

Lucius nodded and you followed him into the mansion. He led the way into the same room you had been in the night you met him. He took a seat, and he motioned for you to do the same. You placed your books and boxed wand down on the table before doing so. 

“We’ve had robes delivered for school. You’ll find them on your bed when you go up to your room.” he said, and you nodded. “I’m sure as you realized, these books are for your schooling too.” you nodded again and he continued. “Students at Hogwarts have a full schedule of classes each year. Yours will be different. Since we assume you are far behind the other sixth years, you will be working closely with a few teachers in private lessons. Upon your arrival to Hogwarts, Snape will be able to help you with your schedule. We all assume that you’ll be sorted into Slytherin, which is good. Draco can keep an eye on you and be there for you if you need something.”

You didn’t really know what to say. You had a lot of questions, but didn’t want to come across as stupid to Lucius. You didn’t know what he meant by sorted, nor what a Slytherin was. Also, you didn’t feel like you could ask Draco for help if you truly needed it. But, you were thankful for the Malfoys. Without them, you’d still be stuck in your room back at home. “Thank you, sir.” you said. 

“While at Hogwarts, do try to stay out of trouble. People know of us, and of your mother. If anyone asks you anything, just say you don’t know.” he said. 

“That would be easy.” you thought to yourself. Pretty hard to answer any questions about yourself when you know nothing about your own family. You nodded your head. 

“We are still unsure when the Dark Lord will be able to get your mother out of Azkaban, so until then, you will stay with us. Think of it as a temporary new home. You’ll come back here on holidays with Draco, the room you’re using will stay yours, and Narcissa and I will treat you like one of our own.” Lucius said. 

“I appreciate it all, thank you.” you said. 

“Tomorrow I will take you and Draco to the train station and you’ll be off to Hogwarts. Make sure you pack all your things tonight.” Lucius continued. “Oh, and one last thing. Do not attempt to use your wand.” 

“I won’t.” you replied. 

“You will learn the proper way to use it. Keep it in the box for now.” Lucius said. 

“I will.” you said. 

“Good, now get going and pack. We leave early tomorrow morning.” he said.

You nodded and stood from the table. You grabbed your things and made your way up to your bedroom. Once entering, you saw your new robes laid out on your bed. You placed your books and wand down and picked them up. They were soft and warm. A feeling of excitement washed over you. You were happy to be out of your home, learning new things, and finally able to be around other people. Though you were content in your room back then, you now could never imagine yourself living like that again. There is so much more to the world, and yet your mother hid it all from you. You weren’t sure if you’d be able to forgive her when you saw her again. You felt your heart sink at the thought of it. What if she got out of Azkaban and made you go back to living the way you had before? You tried to shake the thought from your mind. There was no way you’d go back. 

You’d rather die than live like that again. 


	5. Second Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is way longer than the others. Lots of character introducing. I hope you guys like it <3

You stood at the bottom of the steps of the staircase, all your things packed and beside you. You were excited this morning for a number of reasons and were happy that it outweighed being anxious. Your new robes fit perfectly and you couldn’t wait to get on the train to Hogwarts. You were excited to meet new people and be thrown into the world of magic. 

Draco descended the stairs, not dressed in uniform. You frowned and started to feel a bit foolish. He looked you up and down and smirked. You wondered if it was common to not wear your robes on the train. You didn’t want to embarrass him or yourself. Before you could say anything, Lucius appeared from down one of the hallways. 

He said nothing as he held out his arm. The two of you grabbed it, and before you knew it, you were standing on the platform of a train station. You looked around, first for your bags and wondering how they were going to get to school. But quickly you were distracted by everything going on around you. So many kids and teenagers were hugging their parents one last time before boarding the train. You looked at the Hogwarts Express, surprised to see a lot of the carts already full with students chatting amongst themselves and catching up with each other. You noticed a family of redheads and immediately recognized some of the boys. The boy that Draco had snarled at was standing with the same brown haired girl and a boy with black hair and glasses. You noticed two of the redheads were twins. One of them looked over at you and grinned. You felt your face go red and immediately looked away. 

Draco and Lucius did not embrace each other, which didn’t surprise you. The Malfoy family didn’t strike you as one that hugged. You watched Lucius whisper something into Draco’s ear and he nodded. Lucius then turned to you. “Remember what I told you.” Lucius said. You nodded in response. Draco grabbed your arm and pulled you towards the train. You looked around to see if anyone noticed, and locked eyes with one of the twin boys again. He looked confused, but you looked away. 

The two of you boarded the train. It was crowded as students tried to pick where they wanted to sit. Draco pushed them out of his way and you followed close behind, listening as the students cursed him under their breath. You were starting to think people weren’t very fond of him. You peered into the separate carts, noticing that some students had their robes on while others did not. It made you feel a little more comfortable about your outfit choice. 

It wasn’t until you were at the end of the train that Draco stopped in front of a cart. He slid the door open and you followed him inside. There were already four people sitting down inside, three boys and one girl. You figured these were Draco’s friends, since he sat down immediately and they all greeted him. You took a seat next to the girl, she looked over you and gave you a slight smile. It didn’t feel genuine, but you weren’t surprised. You figured all of Draco’s friends would be similar to him. 

“So you’re the Carrow girl?” she asked. You looked at her surprised. 

“Fuck, Pansy. You can’t even wait ten minutes without asking?” one of the boys said. You looked over at Draco and you saw him roll his eyes. 

“Um, yes. My mum is Alecto.” you replied. 

“My mum has told me so much about yours. She’s quite crazy, huh?” Pansy said with a laugh. 

“I mean, I guess.” you replied. Again, you were frustrated with people knowing about your family more than yourself. 

“She had to be, right? For keeping you locked in your room for over 17 years.” one of the boys said. 

“Wow, Blaise. Could you be meaner?” Pansy asked the boy. She looked to you. “Sorry, that’s not what we mean. It’s just, we’ve heard a lot about your mom. All our parents work together, you know, for the Dark Lord so-” she stopped mid sentence. “Ow!” she gasped, grabbing her arm. 

“Shut up, Pansy.” Draco said. 

“My mum works for the Dark Lord?” you asked, looking at Draco. You could tell Pansy wanted to answer but was too nervous to say anything. 

“Stop asking questions.” Draco said without looking at you. 

The cart immediately fell quiet. It seemed as if someone was afraid to say anything. You wished you could ask questions without being told to shut up every time you did. It felt unfair. You figured your mother had some sort of connections with the Dark Lord, but you still had no idea who he was. What made him so special, and what could you do to warrant a name like that? You hoped someone at Hogwarts would be able to tell you. You wondered if Pansy would, she seemed quite keen on information and gossip. Maybe if you could get her alone, away from Draco, she could tell you some things. 

“What did you do over the summer?” one of the boys asked Draco directly. 

He scoffed before answering. “Nothing different from the usual.” Draco replied. “Besides having to babysit.” he looked over at you.

“Thanks.” you said sarcastically. 

“Do you really not know anything about the magic world?” the boy asked, leaning towards you. 

“What? No. I’ve read books.” you replied, somewhat offended. 

“But you’ve never used a wand or anything, right?” the boy asked. “So you probably don’t know how to use magic like the rest of us.” he laughed. 

You felt your insides growing warm. Sure, you didn’t know how to use a wand, but you could still use magic. Before you could defend yourself, Draco stepped in. “Shut up, Crabbe.” 

“Sorry.” he mumbled. 

Though Draco irritated you and usually was mean to you himself, you were a little thankful he was standing up for you. Though these people seemed to be his friends, you wondered how close they actually were. You couldn’t imagine Draco opening up to any of them. 

The rest of the train ride felt awkward to you. There was a lot of small talk between Draco and his friends, but nothing really interesting. You zoned out most of the ride, especially since no one directly asked you any questions after Draco told Crabbe to shut up. You assumed they were afraid to press his buttons. You didn’t really know what to expect when it came to Draco’s friends before meeting them, but you were definitely disappointed. You didn’t see yourself as being close with any of them. Sure, Pansy seemed alright, but you still weren’t completely sure about her. Something seemed fake, but maybe you were judging her too quickly. 

The train started to slow down and everyone stood up. You followed behind Draco as he led the group out of the cart and down the train. Again, he pushed past students, some of them snapping at him but he ignored what they had to say. It seemed like for the most part, people at Hogwarts were offput by Draco and his friends. No one smiled at the group when you passed by, no one said hello, and most people just looked down at the floor. 

Draco found his way to an exit, and you stepped off the train and took a deep breath. The night air was crisp and felt cold in your lungs. You looked around and realized people were getting into carriages. You watched as they started to move with no horses to pull them and frowned in confusion. A girl with long blonde hair passed by you. “It’s thestrals.” she said in an airy voice. She walked by quickly and you weren’t able to respond. You watched as she got into a carriage with the same redhaired boy, brunette girl, and boy with glasses that you had seen on the platform earlier. 

“Looney Lovegood is crazy, don’t mind her.” Pansy said to you. “She believes in the weirdest shit.” 

You nodded but didn’t say anything. There was something comforting about the blonde girl’s voice that made you not really believe Pansy. You were intrigued and hoped you’d get to be around her again. 

A carriage pulled up and the group of you piled in. Once seated, it followed the path of the rest of the carriages. It moved slowly through a road lined with tall trees. You looked up at them as you passed by, the smell of pine thick in the air. The sky was patchy with clouds, so you could see a few stars shining through. The carriage turned, and a giant castle came into view. You felt your breath still for just a moment as you took it in. It was quite possibly the most beautiful scenery you had ever seen. It felt like an illustration in a book, and seemed unreal. The castle was standing beside a giant body of water, reflecting off of it beautifully. All the lights in the windows of the castle seemed to twinkle like stars, and some of the clouds had started to settle around the pointed tops of the castle. 

“I remember the first time I saw Hogwarts too.” Pansy said to you. You assumed she was watching you marvel at it. 

The carriage came to a stop, and everyone got out. A large majority of the students were standing about, greeting each other and moving into groups. The six of you merged with a bunch of students wearing robes with green ties. You started to notice that there were clusters of groups like this. You saw green, yellow, red, and blue. 

“Come on.” you heard Pansy say, and you realized that they had started to move towards entering the castle. You walked over to her and gave her a small smile before continuing to follow them. 

The doors were tall and wide. The inside was brightly lit in comparison to the darkness of the night outside. There was another pair of giant wooden doors open, and you could see four very long tables sitting side by side in a vertical pattern. Before the four tables stood another long, wooden table, but this one was horizontal. Before you could enter, someone forefully put their hand down on your shoulder. You jumped and looked up to see the man you had before at Malfoy Manor. 

“Not so fast, Ms. Carrow.” he said in a deep voice. “Come with me.” he instructed. You glanced over at Draco, but he wasn’t concerned. You followed the dark haired man around the corner where a group of young looking students were waiting. There was an older female trying to group them all together. The dark haired man got her attention and she hurried over. 

“This is Ms. Carrow, correct?” she asked the man. 

“Yes, she needs to be sorted before the first years. Albus has asked for it. That way, the students won’t dwell over her and focus on the sorting of the first years after.” the man said. 

“Thank you, Severus.” the woman said. “Right this way.” she said, motioning you to follow her. You joined her at the front of the first years. You stayed quiet as they looked up at you, some of them whispering. “Attention, everyone.” she said, getting their attention. “When we enter the Great Hall, I need you to all wait quietly for your name to be called. Once it is, you will come up to the front to be sorted. Once sorted, you will immediately go to sit with your house.” 

The first years nodded in response after falling quiet. You were surprised she was able to get so many young children to listen. She carried herself well, especially for a woman her age. You could tell she was wise and respected. She turned to you with a small smile. “Follow me and stay in the front.” she instructed. 

“I will.” you replied, and she led the way into the Great Hall. You felt yourself grow nervous as you walked between two of the tables. It felt like everyone’s eye was on you, especially since you were taller than all the first years. Basically, you stuck out like a sore thumb. Everyone could tell you were new and you started to feel like you didn’t belong. She woman stopped before the table that was sitting horizontally, and you looked up to see many older adults sitting at it. You assumed they were the teachers of the school. There was a small stool sitting in front of the table with an old hat on top of it. 

“Ms. Carrow, you’ll be first. Please, come up here.” the woman motioned for you to sit. You took a deep breath and walked up in front of the school. You turned to sit, and closed your eyes as the hat was placed on top of your head. You didn’t want to look out over the students watching you, it made you feel more nervous. 

“Ah, a Carrow.” you heard a voice say, and jumped in surprise. “Your family legacy has been Slytherin for so many years.” it continued. It felt like the voice was inside your head. “But, something seems different about you. You’re not like the rest, no. You possess a special talent, something that will come in handy later for you.” 

“What talent?” you thought, and the voice came again. 

“Your talent will bring you bravery and courage, nothing like anyone has possessed before. It’ll bring a sense of comfort and power. Your family has been pressing towards leadership your entire bloodline, but you are willing to sacrifice. Yes, you are different.” the voice said. 

You started to grow nervous. Lucius said you’d end up in Slytherin, but what if you didn’t? How would Draco look after you? Would this ruin everyone’s plan?

“Do not fear where you belong.” the voice said. “You will find your friendships, talent, and thrive in Gryffindor.” 

“What about my purpose?” you thought. “What about who I am?” 

“You will not be led astray by Gryffindor.” the voice promised. 

You were reluctant, but you trusted the voice in your head. You opened your eyes to see everyone looking up at you. The hat sitting on your head announced to the entire school with a loud yell, “Gryffindor!” The table with students wearing red ties erupted into cheers and waved you over. The woman took the hat off your head and you went to greet your new housemates. You saw the redheads sitting there that you saw before, as well as the brown haired girl and boy with glasses. You took a seat at the table next to a friendly looking boy. A few people patted you on the back and shook your hand before the sorting continued. 

You looked over at the Slytherin table and saw Draco looking at you. You felt nervous as his eyes seemed to pierce holes into you. Things did not go as planned. You weren’t sure what the hat meant, but it seemed to promise that your best life would be found in Gryffindor. The promise of friendship was enough to win you over. The Slytherins you had met so far didn’t feel genuine. Maybe it was for the better that you ended up in Gryffindor, but you weren’t sure how Draco would look after you. You wondered if he still would after all of this. 

The rest of the students were sorted and an older wizard got up in front of the Great Hall to speak. He had a long, grey beard and hair to match and was wearing a beautiful silver robe with gold stars printed across it. “Welcome to another year at Hogwarts,” he began. “I’m sure you are all hungry, so I’ll make this quick. No one is allowed into the Forbidden Forest unattended by a professor. No violence is permitted unless during a supervised duel, curfew must be respected, and no butterbeer is allowed on the grounds.” he paused and a good amount of students groaned. “Lastly, no reading from the restricted section of the library, no cheating, and you must all respect your professors. Now, let the feast begin!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. 

Food appeared across the table, and you gasped. You had never seen so much in your life, and it all looked so delicious. The boy sitting next to you smiled. “You’ll get used to it!” he said. “My name’s Neville, by the way.” 

“Nice to meet you.” you said after introducing yourself. 

The boy sitting across from him reached out his hand. “And I’m Seamus. This is Dean.” he looked to the boy sitting next to him. 

“It’s nice to meet you also.” you said, shaking his hand. 

“Welcome to Hogwarts.” Seamus beamed. 

“Are you a transfer from another magic school?” Dean asked. 

“No,” you laughed. “I’m not.” 

“Then where did you come from?” Seamus asked. 

You didn’t really know what to say. “I didn’t have an opportunity to come until recently. But, I’m glad to be here.” you said and the boys smiled. 

“Hogwarts is the best place in the world.” Neville said. “It’ll become a second home to you.”

“I really hope so.” you replied. 

“So, what’s the deal with your family?” Seamus asked and you felt your stomach sink. Did he know about the Carrows too? “My mom is a witch, my dad is a muggle. He was quite surprised when he found out.” Seamus laughed. 

“I’m not sure.” you said honestly. “I’ve never met my dad, but I know that my mom is a witch.” 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” Seamus said. 

“No, it’s okay!” you insisted. 

“Well, just so you know, if you need anything, just ask any of us. We’re family now.” Seamus said, and Dean and Neville nodded. 

“Thanks, you guys.” you said. You were surprised how welcoming and friendly they were. It was quite a difference compared to Draco and his friends. 

Everyone finished up dinner and got up to head to their dormitories. You glanced over at the Slytherin table one last time, but Draco refused to look over at you. As you started to head towards the exit, you heard someone call your name. You turned to see the woman who had helped you with the sorting earlier. 

“Ms. Carrow, please come here. Oh, and Ms. Granger?” she called, and you saw the girl with brown hair turn to look at her. “Please, come.” she waved here over. The two of you walked up to the woman and you wondered what this was all about. “Ms. Granger, this is Ms. Carrow. She will be staying in the same dormitory as you and your dormmates. Please show her the way to the common room and help her find her way around.” 

“Yes, Professor McGonagall.” the girl replied. 

“Thank you, dear.” Professor McGonagall said before turning away. 

“I’m Hermione Granger.” the girl said with a smile. “And as you heard, I’ll be showing you around.” she laughed. 

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” you replied. 

“No problem! Always glad to help.” she said. “Let’s get going, just follow me.” 

You did as she said and followed Hermione out of the Great Hall. The two same boys you had seen with her before were waiting. “What was that all about?” asked the redhaired boy. 

“Profssor McGonagall wants me to show her around.” Hermione replied. “This is Ronald, by the way.” 

“Ron Weasley.” he said, holding out his hand to you. 

You introduced yourself and shook his hand. 

“And I’m Harry.” said the black haired boy with glasses. 

“Nice to meet you.” you said, shaking his hand as well. He was handsome and you were immediately drawn to his green eyes. You were surprised by how friendly everyone was so far. 

“Well, let’s get going.” Hermione said, and the four of you made your way past all the students standing around chatting and saying their good byes before heading to separate common rooms. You looked around for Draco and his friends, but they were nowhere in sight. 

You followed them down the corridor, listening to them chat amongst themselves. You could tell that the three of them had been friends for quite a long time. You followed them onto a staircase and was surprised once it started to move. You grabbed onto the railing in shock to try and steady yourself. 

“Yeah, the staircases move here.” Harry said to you with a laugh. 

“A lot of things move here.” Ron said. “Even the paintings.” 

“What? Really?” you asked. 

“You’ll see in a moment.” Hermione said. 

The four of you got off the stairs once they had stopped moving. You looked around at the walls and realized they were covered in paintings and portraits. You watched as they moved around, waving to students and smiling. There was a painting of four men who seemed to be arguing, and it made you giggle. 

“This place is amazing.” you said to yourself. 

Harry heard you and smiled. He remembered how he had felt the first time he saw Hogwarts too. 

You stopped in front of a giant painted portrait of a woman. She asked for a password, and you raised an eyebrow. Hermione stepped up front and said, “Wiggentree.” The woman nodded and the painting turned into a door, swinging open and showing a room behind it. 

“Welcome to the Gryffindor common room.” Hermione said before stepping inside. You followed behind her and the two boys and tried your best to take it in. There was so much gold and red surrounding you. There were couches sitting in front of a roaring fire, and they looked incredibly comfortable. There were a good amount of Gryffindors hanging out in the common room catching up with each other after the long summer break. Hermione touched your arm and got your attention. “Come on, I’ll show you our dorm.” 

You nodded and said good bye to Ron and Harry before following Hermione up a bunch of steps. She stopped in front of a door and swung it open, revealing a large, circular room with beds. There was a blonde haired girl and a dark haired girl already inside, chatting as they put away their belongings. They turned when they heard the two of you enter, both with smiles on their face. 

“A new roommate?” the blonde said, sounding excited. She set her things down and came up to you. “I’m Lavendar Brown, and this is my best friend Parvati.” she said, motioning to the dark haired girl. 

You introduced yourself to the two of them. They both seemed quite friendly and you were excited to share a room with them. They asked Hermione how she had been, and then they went back to putting their things away. 

“Your bed is next to mine.” Hermione said, motioning to the left of her. You saw your things sitting on top of your bed, as well as a few sets of robes and red and gold ties. “There are drawers under your bed if you want to put anything in there.” 

“Thanks.” you said, going over to your bed to look closer at your new things. You smiled to yourself as you picked up your new uniform. You were fond of the colors and thought they’d look good on you. You saw your wand, still boxed and sitting next to your belongings. 

“So, how do you like Hogwarts so far?” Parvati asked. 

“I think it’s beautiful. And everyone here is quite kind.” you replied. 

“That’s because you’re not in Slytherin.” Lavender said and the girls giggled. 

“What’s wrong with Slytherin?” you asked. 

“Oh, not all Slytherins are bad. But there are a good few that are pretty mean. You should definitely avoid Draco Malfoy or any of his friends. They’re horrible.” Lavender said. 

You felt your stomach jerk. “Why is that?” 

“They’re all bullies.” Parvati said. 

“Draco has been making fun of me for being muggle born the entire time we’ve gone to Hogwarts.” Hermione said. 

“What does muggle born mean?” you asked her. 

“Neither of my parents are magical.” she said. “Draco hates muggle borns.”

“I don’t understand what would be wrong with being muggle born.” you replied. 

“I don’t either, but some people think its impure.” Hermione said. 

You felt a little uneasy. You hoped no one had known that you came with Draco, and you definitely didn’t want anyone to know you lived with his family. You paused for a few moments before saying anything. “Well, it sounds like it’s a good thing I was sorted into Gryffindor.” 

“Definitely. Really, anything is better than having to be around those Slytherins.” Lavender said. “What houses did your parents belong to?” Lavender asked. “Both my parents were Gryffindors.” 

“My mum never told me, but the Sorting Hat said I came from a long line of Slytherins.” you said, and all three of the girls looked intrigued. “I’m not sure about my dad, though. I’ve never met him.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Hermione said. 

“It’s okay.” you said with a small smile. 

“That’s crazy that your entire family line was in Slytherin. Is your mum mad that you got sorted into Gryffindor?” Lavender asked. 

You panicked for a second. “I haven’t told her yet.” you replied. You figured you shouldn’t mention your mother was in Azkaban. 

“I’m sure she won’t care.” Parvati said. “My parents were both Gryffindors but my twin sister was sorted into Ravenclaw. They were just happy that she was happy.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure she won’t either.” your voice trailed off. 

“What’s your last name?” Lavender asked. 

“Carrow.” you replied. You were nervous one of them would recognize your last name, but they didn’t. 

“That’s a nice last name.” Hermione said. She recognized it, but she didn’t now from where so she didn’t say anything. 

“Yeah, I guess.” you replied. 

“Merlin, it’s late.” Parvati said. “We should get to bed you guys.”

“We get our class schedules tomorrow morning. I do not want to be tired for the first day of classes.” Hermione said. 

“Every year, Hermione.” Lavender laughed. “She’s brilliant, you know?” Lavender said to you. 

Hermione blushed. “I just study a lot, that’s all.” 

“It’s much more than studying. You are brilliant, Hermione.” Pavarti said. 

“You’re too much you guys.” Hermione laughed. 

The four of you changed into pajamas, said your good nights, and crawled into your separate beds. You closed your eyes, feeling safe, warm, and at home. You still couldn’t believe how happy you felt. Hogwarts really did feel like home, and you had only been here for a couple hours. 

You just hoped that things weren’t ruined between you and Draco. 


	6. Lemon Drop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter with a lot of character introductions. Can you tell a lot of people are starting to crush on reader? Enjoy <3

Morning came quickly. You were woken by the sound of your dormmates stirring early. Hermione was the first one up and ready, which you weren’t surprised by, and Lavender was the last. You all went down to the common room together where you saw Ron and Harry waiting for Hermione. You thought it was kind of them to do so.

“How’d you sleep?” Harry asked you as you made your way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. 

“Surprisingly well.” you replied. 

“Good.” Harry said with a smile. You wondered if he was into you or just being nice. Technically, everyone so far was pretty nice. You felt extremely welcomed into Gryffindor. 

The four of you entered the Great Hall and took a seat at the Gryffindor table. You saw four professors walking around and passing out pieces of parchment to students. Hermione leaned over and said, “Those are the four head of houses. Snape is Slytherin, McGonagall is Gryffindor, Flitwick is Ravenclaw, and Sprout is Hufflepuff.” She pointed them out as she said their name. All of the professors but Snape seemed warm and inviting. You wondered if Snape was similar to Draco and his family when it came to social interactions. He did look very unfriendly. 

“Got it.” you said, watching as Draco and his friends sat down for breakfast. Pansy looked over at you, but you didn’t recognize any emotion in her eyes. You wondered if Draco had said anything to her.

“Ms.Carrow, Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office.” a voice came from behind you. You turned to see Professor Mcgonagall. She handed a schedule to Ron and Hermione. 

“Oh, alright.” you replied. “How do I get there?” you asked, realizing you definitely did not know your way around the castle yet. 

“Potter will show you.” she replied, handing Harry his schedule.

“Right, Professor.” he said, giving her a nod. 

“Very good. You three stay out of trouble this year, alright?” she said, walking away before waiting for a response. 

“Out of trouble?” you asked, looking to Hermione. “You guys are trouble makers?” It didn’t seem likely. 

“Sort of.” she said. 

“But for a good cause.” Ron chimed in. 

“What do you guys do?” you asked. “Play pranks on people or something?” 

Ron snorted. “No, that would be my brothers.” He looked down the table at the two redheaded twin boys. 

“Those are your brothers?” you asked. 

“Any redhead in Gryffindor is bound to be a Weasley.” Harry said. “There are seven of them in total.” 

“Wow, six siblings?” you asked. “I’m kind of jealous.”

“It’s not as great as it sounds.” Ron replied. 

“It sounds great to me. It’s lonely being an only child.” you said. “If I had someone around I probably wouldn’t have felt so out of touch with everything.” 

“How out of touch are you, really?” Ron asked. 

“Ronald, that’s a rude question.” Hermione snapped. 

“No, it’s ok. I’m going to have to get used to these kinds of questions anyways.” you said. “I don’t know much, but I know some about this world.”

“Do you know who Harry is?” Ron asked, and Hermione hit him with her rolled up parchment. 

“I mean, I’ve only met him.” you said confused. 

“Yeah, you’re out of touch then.” Ron said with a little laugh. 

“What does he mean?” you turned to Harry and asked. 

“It’s nothing.” Harry said. 

“It’s kind of the reason we get in trouble every year.” Hermione said. 

“You guys are confusing me.” you said.

“I’ll give you the short version of it all on our way to Dumbledore’s office, how about that?” Harry asked with a small smile. 

You nodded, thankful to finally be included. You had hated asking questions and having no one to answer them. It felt unfair. Having people willing to talk to you about what’s going on or answering your questions was enough to relieve a little bit of stress. 

“You two should probably get going.” Hermione said. “That way you’re not late to your first class, Harry.” 

“Right, thinks Hermione.” Harry replied. He looked to you and stood from the table. “Shall we?” 

You stood with him and looked at Hermione. She smiled. “I’ll see you later today.” she said, and you nodded and started to follow Harry out of the Great Hall. You turned to look at the Slytherin table and saw Draco staring you down. You wondered if he was upset, or maybe jealous that you were with a guy. 

You and Harry turned down the hallway and made your way over to Albus’ office. You were amazed by how large the castle was, and thankful to have someone escorting you. There was no way you’d find your way around without help, and wondered if first years often got lost around the school. 

“So, how do you like it here so far?” Harry asked. 

“It’s great. I like it way more than being at home.” you said. 

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Harry asked. 

“It’s nice to feel a little freedom.” you said softly. 

“Yeah, same here.” Harry replied. 

“Are your parents pretty strict?” you asked. 

“No, I don’t live with my parents.” Harry said a little sadly. “They died when I was really young.” 

You stopped walking. “I am so sorry, Harry.” you said. 

“It’s alright,” he replied, stopping with you, “you get used to it.” 

“I get that.” you said. “My dad has never been a part of my life and my mum might as well not be either.” 

Harry took a deep breath. “If you ever need someone to talk to, just come find me.” You looked up at him and he gave you a small smile. 

“Thanks.” you said, and the two of you continued walking. “So, can you tell me what Ron was talking about at breakfast?”

“Oh, yeah.” Harry paused before continuing. “My parents died because someone killed them. His name is Lord Voldemort. He tried to kill me too, but he couldn’t. Instead, he gave me this scar.” you watched as Harry pushed back his hair to show a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead. 

“That’s insane.” you said, trying to find more words. “I am so sorry, that’s so unfair.” The two of you walked in silence for a little bit before you were able to speak again. “Did he ever get caught?” you asked. 

“Voldemort?” Harry asked, and you nodded. “No, unfortunately. And the reason Hermione, Ron, and I get into trouble every year is because he’s still trying to kill me.” 

“What? And no one can do anything for you? That’s absolutely ridiculous.” you said. 

“There are people who try, but Voldemort is an extremely powerful wizard. He also has a lot of people who work under him.” Harry explained. “So it’s not as easy.” 

“I couldn’t imagine.” you said. “And here I’ve been complaining about being stuck in my room for almost eighteen years.” 

“Do you know why your mum did that?” Harry asked. 

“Honestly, no. I wish I knew. Even if I had the courage to ask, she wouldn’t tell me.” you said. “We were never close. I don’t think she even loves me.” 

“What I’ve learned throughout life is that we can pick our family. Friends are so much more than just friends.” Harry said. 

“I’ve never had any friends, either.” you said sadly. 

“Well, I’m your friend now.” Harry said and you smiled. “And I know you’re going to make many more here at Hogwarts. I didn’t have any friends either, but now I have my family because of this school.” 

“I hope the same works out for me.” you replied. 

“I think it will.” Harry said with a grin. He stopped in front of a giant sculpture of some type of bird. “Here we are.” 

You looked at the statue. “This is it?” 

Harry nodded. “Sherbert lemon.” he said to the statue, and it started to move upwards, exposing a giant, spiral staircase hidden in the wall. 

“Thanks.” you said with a smile. “I guess I’ll see you later, then.” 

“Yeah, definitely.” Harry said. 

You nodded and started to make your way up the staircase. You looked back at him one last time before disappearing around the corner. You were surprised at how much the two of you had in common. Harry was much friendlier than Draco, and didn’t make you feel so bad about yourself. You paused for a moment. Were you really comparing the two of them? You still wondered what was wrong with Draco, though. You hoped you’d get to talk to him sometime soon. It was hard not to worry about what was going on inside his head. 

You reached a door and knocked. It opened on it’s own, to your surprise, and you stepped inside Albus Dumbledore’s office. The walls were covered in portraits of old witches and wizards. They watched your every move as you crossed the room and over to the old man sitting behind a giant, wooden desk. Albus looked up at you over his half moon glasses, and motioned you to sit. 

“Ms. Carrow, we meet at last.” he said in a soft, yet powerful voice. 

“Hello, Professor.” you said, giving him a smile. 

“Would you like a lemon drop?” he asked, looking at a bowl filled with candies on his desk. 

“Um, sure.” you said, reaching forward to grab one. You popped it in your mouth and nodded at him. “Thank you.”

“They’re my favorite candies, you know.” he said. “Anyways, can’t talk about candy all day. Ms. Carrow, I wanted to make sure you understood what your schedule would be like here at Hogwarts. I am aware that you have no formal training, nor education.” he said and you nodded. “But, you do possess magical abilities, and we will be able to teach you how to control them as well as use them.” 

“Control them?” you asked. 

“Yes, all students must learn about the ways of magic. You should see how often first years burn their eyebrows off. It’s quite common!” Dumbledore said, making you grin. “And so you are almost eighteen, which means we cannot have you learning with a bunch of first years. Though you have not had any proper training, we do believe you’d still be advanced in comparison to them. So, I am having professors teach you during their free periods. That way, you can get one on one educational learning and won’t have to worry about a class holding you back.”

“Thank you, Professor.” you said. 

“Yes, yes. We want what’s best for you. You will see Mcgonagall and Flitwick during the day four times a week. Though we would love for you to learn potions and herbology, we think that for now it is more important to learn how to use a wand and produce spells. I will also have you with Severus in the evenings. He has a full schedule and that is his only available time.” Albus said. “Do you have any questions for me?” 

“No sir, I do not.” you responded. 

“Ah, alright. Well, just know that if you do have any, please ask.” Albus said. You weren’t sure if you believed him, but maybe that was because you were used to the Malfoy’s not wanting to tell you anything. “You have the rest of the day for yourself. I suggest taking a look around the castle.” 

“I will, sir.” you said as you started to stand from your seat. 

“Just don’t go into any rooms where you hear gurgling from behind the door.” Albus said, and you laughed, unsure of if it was a joke or not. 

You crossed his room once more, feeling uneasy as the portraits stared and whispered about you. Just as you were about to leave, Dumbledore spoke to you once more. 

“Ms. Carrow?” you turned to look at him. “I am sure that Lucius has already warned you about telling people too much about your home life.” you nodded and he continued. “Students here do not favor the kind of work your mother does, so I would advise that you keep your home life a secret.”

“Yes, sir.” you said. He nodded with a smile, and you descended the spiral steps. It was easy to keep that promise, especially since you weren’t too sure what your mum did. You wondered when someone would be honest with you, or at least be willing to tell you the full truth when you asked. People liked to beat around the bush with you, and you didn’t appreciate it. You wondered if they thought you couldn’t handle what they had to say, or maybe they thought you wouldn’t understand. 

You sighed when you reached the bottom of the steps. Dumbledore had encouraged you to walk around, but you were scared of getting lost. Instead, you tried to find your way back towards the Great Hall. You at least knew how to get back to your common room from there. The halls were silent as you walked, and you assumed everyone was in class. The sun was shining through the windows as you walked by, and you wondered if it was warm out. Maybe stepping outside before going back to the common room would feel nice and help clear your head a little bit. Plus, you only knew what it looked like outside when it was dark. 

You found your way back to the Great Hall and decided to slip out of the giant wooden doors that you had entered on your first night at Hogwarts. Outside was just as beautiful as you imagined. You could see a thick forest across the way as well as tall mountains in the distance. The sun was shining through the clouds, making the day a little less chilly. You say a body of water towards the left of the castle and decided to walk over to it. You stayed close to the walls of the castle as you walked, looking up and admiring it’s height. 

Turning a corner, you came across two redheads coughing. They looked up at you in surprise, but then both smiled. One of them lifted something that looked to be rolled in thin paper up to their lips and inhaled. You realized they were the twins you had seen before. 

“You’re the new girl.” the other one said, and you nodded. “Wicked.” he replied. 

“Don’t be rude, Fred. At least introduce yourself.” the other one said. “I’m George.” he said with a smile, holding out his hand for you to shake it. You introduced yourself while shaking his hand. You liked his smile, something about it was contagious. 

“Geeze, Georgey.” Fred rolled his eyes at his brother. “You smoke?” Fred asked, holding out the thing you had seen him bring to his lips. 

“Smoke what?” you asked, a little confused. 

“You know, marijuana.” Fred laughed. “Want some?” 

“I’ve never smoked before.” you admitted. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” George said. 

“No, I’d like to try it.” you replied, and Fred smiled wide. 

“Ah, she’s a fun one. Here you go.” he said, handing you the thing he was smoking. “Just place it between your lips and breathe in.” You did as you were told. It burned in your throat, and you felt it catch in your lungs. You exhaled and coughed. Fred and George laughed. “Yeah, you did it right the first time.” Fred said. 

“Already a pro.” George chimed in, and you laughed. 

The marijuana hit you pretty fast, but it wasn’t overwhelming. You felt relaxed and a little goofy. Everything around you seemed a little better, too. The scenery of Hogwarts was already breathtaking, but this helped amplify it. A breeze passed through and it felt good on your face. 

“So, you like the way it feels?” Fred asked, and you nodded. 

“If you ever want some, come find us.” George said with a smile. 

“Yeah, Georgey and I will hook you up.” Fred winked at you and you blushed. “Ah, grats on Gryffindor, by the way.” 

“Thanks.” you said. 

“You like it so far?” George asked. 

“I love it.” you replied. 

“You meet our brother yet?” Fred asked. 

“I have.” you said. “He’s kind.”

“Oh, then you haven’t met our brother.” George joked, making Fred laugh. 

“So what are you doing wandering around?” Fred asked. 

“Couldn’t I ask you the same?” you replied, and the two boys exchanged looks. 

“Sassy.” George said jokingly. 

“She’s not wrong, though.” Fred replied. “If you keep cutting class, I’m sure we’ll run into you more often.” 

“Speaking of which, we should get back.” George replied, and Fred nodded. “It was good to meet you.” George said with a smile. 

“Likewise.” you returned the smile and watched as the two boys made their way back towards the castle. You were surprised by how many attractive men there were at Hogwarts, but definitely wasn’t complaining. 

Still feeling high, you decided to walk over to the lake. You sat down in the grass next to it and stared at the water. There were fish moving quickly beneath it, but you couldn’t see clearly enough to know what kind. Another breeze came and you closed your eyes and laid out on the grass. The sun was hitting your black robes, making you feel warm and comfortable. Before you knew it, you had fallen asleep. 

-

“Are you okay?” a voice asked, and you looked up. 

You bolted upright, completely embarrassed. The blonde haired girl you had seen next to the carriages was standing beside you. You looked around, taking in your surroundings. You couldn’t believe you fell asleep out in broad daylight, and by the looks of the sky, it seemed to be evening now. How did you manage to fall asleep for so long? 

“What time is it?” you asked, disregarding her question. 

“Almost 4pm.” she replied. 

“How in the world did I sleep for so long?” you asked yourself out loud. 

“Well, you were tired, of course.” the blonde girl replied. 

“I guess I was.” you replied. 

“And now hopefully you’re not as tired.” she said with a smile. She offered her hand, and you took it. She helped you up and you thanked her. “Are you hungry?” she asked. 

“I think so.” you replied. 

She nodded and started to walk towards the castle. She stopped and turned to you. “Are you coming?” she asked. 

“Oh, sorry.” you replied, immediately walking up to her. 

“Don’t apologize.” she said, and the two of you made your way towards the castle. “I remember seeing you with Draco, right?” she asked. 

You felt a hot flash rush over your body. “Um, yeah I think so.” you didn’t want to lie to her. 

“That’s right.” she continued. “Are you happy here?” 

“What?” you asked. 

“Are you happy here?” she repeated herself. “You didn’t seem very happy when you first arrived.” 

“I’m very happy here.” you said. 

“Good.” she replied. 

“What’s your name?” you asked, and she smiled. 

“Luna.” she said. “You don’t need to tell me yours, I already know.” she said. 

“Are people talking about me?” you asked. 

“No.” she replied. You weren’t sure if you should keep asking questions, but before you could, the two of you were entering the castle. You saw Hermione with Ron, and she looked over at you. 

“Hey, Hermione.” you said as she approached.

“Where have you been? Are you alright?” she asked, sounding worried. 

“She’s fine.” Luna said with a smile, and Hermione gave her a slight look. “We were just taking a walk around the lake.” 

“Oh, well do you want to catch an early dinner?” Hermione asked and you nodded. 

The four of you entered the Great Hall. Even though Luna was not in your house, she sat with the group of you. You watched as Ron shoveled food onto his plate and started to eat quickly. A girl with red hair leaned over his shoulder and looked at him. 

“Slow down, Ronald. You don’t want to choke.” she said. 

“Shove off, Ginny.” Ron said to the girl as she laughed. You watched as she walked down the table and took a seat with Neville, Seamus, and Dean. 

“I take it that's your sister.” you said, and Ron nodded. “She seems nice.” you said with a laugh. 

“So, your last name is Carrow, right?” Hermione asked. 

“Yes.” you replied, wondering why she asked. 

“What’s your mum’s name? That last name sounds familiar to me.” she said. 

You felt yourself start to panic. “Alice.” you lied. 

“Oh, okay.” she said. “Do you know what she does for work or anything?” 

“Um, honestly I don’t.” you replied. 

Before Hermione could go on, Harry sat down at the table. “Hi, Luna.” he said. “Good to see you.”

“Good to see you, Harry.” she said with a smile. 

“How was everyone’s first day?” Harry asked. You were thankful for his interruption. You were unsure why Hermione was so suspicious of your last name. 

“Fine.” Ron said through a mouth of food. 

“Sixth year isn’t going to be any easier than the last, that’s for sure.” Hermione said. 

“What did Dumbledore want to tell you?” Harry asked. 

“Oh, just my schedule for the year. I guess I’ll be having private lessons so that I can catch up with everyone my age.” you replied. 

“That sounds nice.” Hermione said. 

“I think so, but I wish I could be in class with you guys.” you said sadly. 

“Hey, there is always next year.” Harry said to you with a smile. 

The five of you finished dinner together and decided to head up to the common room early. Hermione wanted to get a head start on homework, and Harry and Ron wanted to play a game of chess. As you exited the Hall, Luna said good bye and went her separate way. Ron turned, and you watched as he ran into Draco. 

You audibly gasped and immediately covered your mouth. 

“Watch where you’re going.” Draco said, pushing Ron away from him. 

Ron put his hand in a fist and got ready to strike, but Hermione stepped in front of him. “Don’t, Ron. It’s not worth it.” 

“Yeah, listen to the mudblood. It’s not worth it, Weasley.” Draco sneered and his friends laughed. 

“Don’t call her that.” you said sternly. 

Draco looked over at you and the two of you locked eyes. It was almost painful to give him eye contact. He smirked at you, and you rolled your eyes at him. You heard him laugh. “Who do you think you are?” he asked. Before you could respond, he was pushing past you with his friends, laughing as they walked down the hallway. 

“What the hell was that about?” Ron asked. 

“I don’t know.” you said, feeling hurt. 

“Let’s go, you guys. Forget him.” Hermione said, and you followed her as she continued to walk to the common room.

You didn’t understand why he said those words to you. Who did you think you were? You weren’t sure. You didn’t understand why he was so mad. Clearly, he had a problem with Ron, Hermione, and Harry, but you hadn’t figured out why. Draco seemed to have a problem with everyone. 

Once back at the common room, you said good night to your friends and decided to go up to your bed early. They didn’t seem concerned, which you were happy about. You didn’t want anyone to know you were sad about the situation. You were starting to feel a little stressed out. Hermione seemed to be on to you and your last name. Plus, you didn’t like lying to your new friends.

If they found out you lived with the Malfoys, what would they do?


	7. Asshole

You sat in the Great Hall nervously. Your wand was sitting on the table awkwardly and you wondered if anyone could tell you had never used one before. You knew you needed it since you’d be learning how to use it today, but you were still unsure of holding it. Lucius had made you nervous to do so. 

Hermione, Harry, and Ron chatted away, but their voices seemed far. You couldn’t really focus on anything because of your nerves. You were thankful they had somewhat accepted you into their friend group, but you felt like Hermione was on to you. Plus, it didn’t help that she was supposedly one of the smartest witches your age. You didn’t want someone so known for their brains to be snooping around your home life. 

You were afraid of what she’d find out. 

“Are you ok?” a voice asked, bringing you back to reality. You blinked for a moment and then looked around. Harry, Hermione, and Ron were all staring at you. “Are you ok?” Harry asked again. 

“Yeah, sorry. Just a little nervous is all.” you replied, feeling embarrassed. 

“Don’t be nervous, Mcgonagall is great.” Harry said with a smile. 

“Still, I’m nervous.” you replied. You were thankful that the first time you’d be practicing magic would be with your head of house, but it didn’t change how you felt. 

“It’s not as hard as it seems. You’ll pick it up fast.” Harry said. 

“And if you need help with anything, just ask.” Hermione said.

“That’s kind of you, thank you.” you said to Hermione, feeling a bit better. 

“Speaking of, here she comes now.” Ron said, looking straight ahead. 

You turned to see Professor Mcgonagall walking towards you. “Ms. Carrow, are you ready?” she asked, stopping in front of you. “Make sure to hold on to your wand, you don’t want to lose it.” she said, eyeing your wand on the table. 

“Yes, sorry Professor.” you apologized, grabbing your wand and standing from the table. You weren’t sure if you should put it in your pocket or not. Holding a wand felt very unnatural to you. 

“Follow me to my classroom.” Professor Mcgonagall said, immediately walking towards the exit to the Great Hall after saying so. 

“Uh, I’ll see you guys later.” you said quickly as you rushed after Mcgonagall, trying to keep up with her. 

Professor Mcgonagall was in good health for a woman her age. She moved quickly through the halls and students stepped out of her way when they saw her coming. You admired her greenish cloak, thinking it looked soft and velvety. The feather sticking out from her hat bounced with each step she took. You saw Luna as you passed through the halls and she waved to you. You waved back and smiled. So far, you really liked the people you had met. 

Mcgonagall opened a door and you followed her inside. Her classroom had vertical rows of desks and a large chalkboard in the front. There were many things hanging from the ceiling that you could not identify, but most of them seemed to be the bones of creatures who had long passed. She walked to the front of the room and motioned for you to sit at the desk in front of her, and you did so. 

“Professor, if I’m being entirely honest, I’ve never held a wand before.” you said, placing your wand on the table. 

“Well, Ms. Carrow, you do not want to fear your own wand. Just pick it up by the handle and hold it for a moment. Nothing will go wrong.” she said.

You grabbed your wand and held onto it a bit tightly. You were nervous and looked at it more as a weapon than anything else. You looked up at her. “Lucius Malfoy said I need to be careful with it.” you said. 

“Yes, you do need to be careful with your wand.” she said. “But, I don’t think you’ll be doing any harm with it. There are unforgivable spells, but you have not learned them. Therefore, you can’t do much damage with your wand.” 

“What if I accidentally hurt myself?” you asked. 

“If you do, you’ll get fixed up right away at the Hospital Wing.” she said. 

That wasn’t entirely reassuring, but you assumed accidents happened often. You wondered what the medicine was like in this world. “Alright.” you said. 

Mcgonagall walked over to your desk and looked down at you. “I am going to teach you some wand movements today. That way when you see Professor Flitwick later on, you can start working on casting simple spells.” 

You nodded at her. She walked over to her chalkboard and waved her wand. Images started to appear, and you were quite impressed. As it filled out, you realized that they were all wand movements. You saw the illustrations had arrows, showing you which was to move your wrist and wand. 

“This will feel so simple, it’ll most likely be boring to you. But, we have to start somewhere.” Professor Mcgonagall said. “Practice moving your wand the way the images are shown on this chalkboard here. Do not say anything with them, though. Again, these are just movements, we are not casting spells.”

“Yes, Professor.” you replied. You went to practice the movements, and just as Mcgonagall had said, they were quite boring. She corrected you when you needed it, but besides that the two of you were pretty quiet. You wondered if she wanted to be doing this. You figured she had better things to do, like maybe grading papers. You felt bad for being so far behind and taking time out of your Professor’s days. But, you kept on trying to remind yourself that this wasn’t your fault. It was your moms. 

After what felt like hours but was probably only one, Mcgonagall stopped you. You placed your wand in your robe and waited for her to dismiss you. “You did quite well, as I assumed you would.” she said. 

“Thank you.” you replied. 

“The basics are boring, but once you get them down we can move to more interesting stuff. It won’t always be like this.” she promised and you smiled. “You are free to go to an early lunch, if you’d like.”

You stood from the desk. Before leaving, you wanted to ask her a question. You felt like you could trust her, and maybe she’d be the one to tell you the truth. “Professor, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, my dear, what is it?” she asked. 

“Do you know why my mom kept me secluded from the wizarding world?” you asked. 

Mcgonagall sighed. “I do not, I’m sorry. We are all just as confused as you are. It’s not common for parents to hide their children the way your mother did. In fact, it’s more common among muggle parents than magical ones.” 

“Oh, alright.” you said, feeling down. “Can I ask you one last thing?” Mcgonagall nodded. “Do you know why my mom is in Azkaban?”

Professor Mcgonagall blinked before answering. “I don’t feel like it is my place to say, I’m sorry.” 

You looked to the floor. “That’s alright.” you turned to leave the classroom, hoping she’d stop you on your way out. But, she didn’t. You couldn’t understand why no one would be honest with you when it came to your mother. Being shrouded in so much mystery was getting exhausting. It wasn’t fair. Why did you deserve to be kept in the dark like this? 

You made your way back to the Great Hall not feeling very hungry. You sat at the table, not bothering to look around. You had your face in your hands, trying your best to keep your mind from overthinking. But it felt impossible. 

“Early lunch?” you heard someone say as they sat next to you. You looked up to see Neville smiling at you. His smile vanished once he realized that you were upset. “Is everything ok?” he asked. 

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” you said. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize, I get it. We can talk about something else.” he said, reaching for a sandwich that was in front of him. 

“Second day of classes is ridiculous.” Seamus said as he sat across from you at the table. Dean took a seat next to him and nodded. “I already have so much homework.” he groaned. 

“Welcome to sixth year.” Dean said, putting his elbow on the table so he could rest his face in his hand. “They tried to warn us.” 

“I’m going to need to ask a seventh year how they managed to get through it.” Seamus said with a laugh. “It should be illegal how much homework they’re already giving out. Like, do they want me to give up on being a wizard?” 

“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” a red haired girl said as she sat next to Neville. 

“You’re in fifth year, Ginny. You have no place to complain.” Seamus said with a mouth full of food. 

“Fifth year is just as hard, I have OWL’s!” she said. 

“What’s OWL’s?” you asked. 

“A test all fifth years have to take. If you don’t do well on the test, you don’t get to take the class in your sixth year.” Neville explained. 

“Wow, and I was just complaining about learning how to do wand movements.” you laughed to yourself. 

“You don’t know wand movements?” Ginny asked. 

“Don’t be mean, Ginny.” Seamus said and she gave him a confused look. 

“I’ve never used a wand before.” you said to her and she raised her eyebrows. 

“Not once?” she asked. 

“Never.” you replied. 

“Wow, that’s insane.” she mumbled. “Sorry.” she said quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s fine.” you said with a smile. “I’m starting to get used to it.” 

“Do you even know if you have magical abilities?” Seamus asked. 

“Of course she does, you idiot.” Ginny said from across the table. “If she didn’t, the Sorting Hat wouldn’t have sorted her.” 

“Right.” Seamus said, looking down at his food. 

“Well, better now than never.” Ginny said with a smile. 

“I agree.” you replied. “I’m enjoying it all so far. This world is amazing.”

“It keeps getting better too, just you wait.” Neville said. 

“I believe it, there seems to be a lot I don’t know about.” you admitted. “I just hate being so behind.”

“Don’t get down about that.” Dean said. 

“Yeah, you’ll pick it up in no time.” Seamus chimed in. 

“Everyone has been so kind to me.” you said. “I appreciate it a lot.” 

“Yeah, don’t get used to it though. Not everyone at Hogwarts is nice.” Seamus said. He turned to look at the Slytherin table and Dean laughed. 

“Are the Slytherin’s really that bad?” you asked. 

“As a whole, no.” Ginny said. “But, I’d stay away from Draco Malfoy and any of his friends. They’re all assholes.” 

You felt your stomach drop. Again, you were being warned to stay away from Draco Malfoy. “Good to know.” you managed to get out. 

You saw Professor Flitwick enter the Great Hall and scan it before spotting you. He walked up to you and gave you a wave. “Ms.Carrow! Care to get started a little early?” he asked.

“Sure, Professor.” you said. You had hardly touched your food, but you figured maybe you’d be hungry after this lesson. “I’ll see you guys later.” you said to your fellow Gryffindors and got up to walk with Professor Flitwick. 

The charms classroom had less to look at in comparison to Professor Mcgonagall’s. There were rows of desks and a chalkboard at the front of the room, but really no decorations. Just some candles along the walls and a giant light fixture hanging from the ceiling. 

“So, Professor Mcgonagall told me that the two of you went over wand movements today.” he said and you nodded. “Perfect! Would you like to try and cast a spell?” he asked. 

“I’d love to.” you replied, excited to try out your wand for once. 

“Wonderful.” Flitwick said. He waved his wand and a feather appeared on the desk beside you. “If you’d like, you can take a seat there.” he pointed, and you did so. “Now, the movement for this spell is swish and flick.” he said, moving his wand in the same motion. “This is a levitation spell. You will say, ‘wingardium leviosa’ while making the movement with your wand.” 

“Alright, sir.” you said. You reached for your wand in your pocket. You held it firmly in your hand and then moved your wand. “Wingardium leviosa.” you said, and the feather stayed put on the desk. You sighed. 

“Don’t be upset, it’s not common to get it on the first try. Go ahead and try again.” he encouraged. 

You nodded. “Wingardium leviosa.” you said again, but nothing happened. 

“Go ahead and try again. Don’t give up!” he encouraged. 

You did the movement ten more times, along with the spell, and nothing happened. You groaned and set your wand down on the desk. “I can’t get it.” 

“You can, don’t be discouraged! Everyone gets it at their own pace.” he replied. 

With your wand still sitting on your desk, you looked at the feather. “Wingardium leviosa.” you said, this time without using your wand. The two of you watched as your feather started to float up towards the ceiling. You kept your eye on it, watching as it almost hit the light fixture. You took your eyes off of it to see Flitwick’s reaction. A look of disbelief was painted across his face. 

The feather floated down to the floor, and you picked it up. “Is everything ok, Professor?” you asked him. 

“I have never seen a student do this without a wand.” he said, still shocked. “It’s not common to perform spells without one.” 

“Is it bad to do that?” you asked, feeling a little nervous. 

“No, not that I know of.” he said, still surprised. “I’ve seen non verbal spells from students, but nothing like this.” 

“What should I do?” you asked. This was the way you had always used magic when you did. You never needed a wand. And honestly, a wand was starting to seem like it would hold you back from being able to cast any spells. 

“Nothing. Nothing yet. I’ll have to tell Albus.” he stayed silent for a moment. “I’m sorry, dear.” he apologized. “This is just unlike anything I’ve ever seen from a student. This is something only a very advanced and powerful witch or wizard could do.”

You stayed quiet. Was it really that uncommon to use magic without a wand?

“You are quite advanced, Ms. Carrow. Especially for someone like you.” he said. 

“What do you mean?” you asked. 

“You were kept away for all those years, and yet you can perform magic without a wand.” he said. 

“Do you think that has anything to do with my mother?” you asked. “Is she powerful like me?”

“I do not know much about your mother, I’m sorry. But the only two wizards I know of who can do magic without their wands are Albus Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort.” he said. 

You felt yourself start to become nauseous. Lord Voldemort? The one who had killed Harry’s parents? You didn’t want anything in common with someone like him. But, you knew Dumbledore was a good wizard, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. 

“Is it alright if I have the rest of the day for myself?” you asked. He nodded. “Thank you, Professor.” 

You grabbed your wand and put it in your pocket before leaving the classroom. You felt your heart racing as you walked down the hallway. You had been doing spells pretty much your entire life without a wand, you had no idea this was an uncommon occurrence. What did this mean for you, anyways? If it was really that rare, and only powerful witches and wizards could do it, what did that make you? 

You turned the corner and stopped. You saw Draco Malfoy by himself. “Draco?” you said, and he turned to look at you. “Draco, please. I need to to talk to you about something.” you said, walking towards him. You wanted to tell him what had just happened. You needed to know more about who Voldemort was and why this was so uncommon. 

“Go find someone else to talk to, Carrow.” he snarled. 

“No, your father said you’d be there to help if I needed it. I need help. Please, just listen for a second.” you begged. 

He got up in your face. “Why don’t you go find one of your Gryffindor buddies?” he suggested. 

“Is this why you won’t talk to me? Why do you hate Gryffindor’s? What is your problem, Draco?” you asked. “You didn’t want anything to do with me beforehand, and now you’re acting like you want nothing to do with me because I got sorted into a different house. This isn’t fair.” you whined. 

“I still want nothing to do with you regardless. But now especially. You’re spending too much time with those Gryffindor’s.” he said, pointing a finger in your face. 

You pushed him away from you. “You’re acting like a jealous school boy.” 

“What would I be jealous of?” he snorted. 

“I don’t know!” you shouted. “I don’t understand anything you do. You’re just an asshole.” 

He looked you up and down. “I’m an asshole?” he asked, getting close to you again. 

You looked him in the eyes. “Yes.” you replied. 

Draco pushed you up against the wall. “Do you want to say that again?” 

“You’re an asshole.” you taunted, not feeling scared of him. 

He looked you in the eyes for a moment before cupping your face with his hand. He brought his lips up to yours and kissed you. You closed your eyes and kissed him back. He bit your lip and pulled back before looking you up and down again. “Watch your mouth.” he said, before he let go of you and disappeared down the hall, leaving you leaned up against the wall he had just pinned you against. 


	8. Common Room Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case people are confused, reader doesn't know that Voldemort and the Dark Lord are the same person yet. I figured I would clear this up just in case people haven't realized that yet. Anyways, enjoy!

A few days had gone by since you had your last interaction with Draco, but it still felt like you could feel his lips against your own. As much as it surprised you, you had enjoyed what happened. You weren’t sure why it did, but you weren’t complaining either. But, you were thankful that no one was around to see it happen, and you definitely weren’t planning on telling anyone it did. You didn’t want any of your friends to know your relations with Draco Malfoy, especially not any of the Gryffindors. It seemed as if everyone had already warned you about him, so you were sure they wouldn’t be excited to hear about the two of you kissing. 

Or, you know, the two of you living together and his parents taking you in while your mother sits in Azkaban. 

And you were incredibly thankful that it seemed Hermione had stopped trying to figure out more about your family. You were worried that she would find out something bad, or perhaps the answers to the questions you had been asking others. You knew that you could probably go looking for the answers yourself, but they scared you. A lot about the wizarding world seemed to scare you. Voldemort and the Dark Lord both seemed like bad and mysterious people, and you didn’t want to have a run in with either of them. It already made you uncomfortable knowing your mom served under whoever the Dark Lord was, you didn’t want to know what exactly she did. 

You, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were sitting together in the library. The three of them were working on homework while you read a book on basic charms. You haven't told anyone what Professor Flitwick said to you. Again, you were worried it would make people perceive you in a way you didn’t want. You didn’t want to be different or weird, you just wanted to be you. And you wanted people to like you for you, not be weirded out or off put. 

“I remember those.” Ron said, looking up from his homework and eyeing your book. “And I remember Hermione always nagging me about my pronunciation. 

Hermione rolled her eyes. “It’s not my fault you have a hard time pronouncing some spells. Besides, would you rather I not help you?”

“You were way more annoying in our first year, Hermione.” Ron said. “Right, Harry?” Ron and Hermione both looked to their friend. 

“Do not drag me into this.” Harry said, not even looking up from his homework. 

“Don’t be so mean, Ron.” you said, defending Hermione. She smiled at you and Ron opened his mouth in shock. 

“You weren’t there, you couldn’t know. It’s not like I’m saying she’s still like that.” he said. “She’s fine now.” 

“Oh, thanks Ronald.” Hermione said sarcastically. 

“You two are funny.” you said with a smile. 

“I’ve been thinking that for years.” Harry said, looking up at you. 

Though you didn’t know Ron and Hermione well, it seemed that the two of them had unspoken feelings for one another. But, you weren’t going to mention it. 

“Well, it was lovely getting in some study time with you guys, but we’ve got to get going.” Harry said, glancing at the clock. “Angelina will kill us if we’re late.” 

“Who’s Angelina?” you asked, watching as Harry and Ron started to pack away their things. 

“She’s the Gryffindor quidditch team captain.” Hermione said. 

“What’s quidditch?” you asked. 

Ron snorted and Hermione slapped him on the arm. “She’s new to all this, remember?” she snapped. Ron immediately fell silent. “It’s a sport, but it only exists in the magic world.” 

“Ron and I are both on the team.” Harry said. “You should come watch the match this evening, I think you’d enjoy it.” he said, giving you a wink. 

You felt yourself blush. “I’ll see you then.” you said with a smile. 

Harry and Ron said good bye to you and Hermione before quietly heading out of the library. The two of you watched as they disappeared out the door, and then Hermione went back to her homework. The two of you sat in silence and you wondered if you should try and spark up any conversation. She seemed really invested in whatever she was doing and you didn’t want to bother her. Even though you had questions regarding what quidditch was, you figured you’d learn later tonight. 

You went back to trying to read your book, but it was quite boring. You wanted to give up on the idea of using a wand, but you weren’t sure if that would be allowed. It had stayed deep in the pocket of your robe since your lesson with Flitwick, and you didn’t have any intention of using it again any time soon. The way you were used to doing spells felt more natural. So, you assumed if you could just memorize all the basic charms in this book, Flitwick wouldn’t be so keen on you using one. You wondered if he had told Dumbledore what happened. 

“I think I’m going to head back up to the common room.” you said to Hermione. 

She looked up from her book. “Alright, I’ll be done soon and I’ll meet you up there.” she replied. “Then we can go down to the pitch together.”

You smiled. “That sounds great.” you said. You grabbed your book and put it under your arm before exiting the library. You were surprised at how empty the halls were today, but figured it way because everyone was studying or something. You weren’t really sure what people did with their weekends at Hogwarts, but nothing crazy seemed to be going on. At least not yet. 

As you walked, you saw someone turn the corner and come into view. You felt your stomach drop as you recognized the blonde hair, even from down the hall. As he approached, you froze in your steps. You waited for him to say something, but he walked by without even looking at you. 

You turned to watch him walk away. “Seriously?” you asked. He kept walking. “What the hell is wrong with you?” you started to follow him. “You can’t just act like I don’t exist, especially after what happened the other day.” 

Draco turned to face you. “Keep your mouth shut like I told you, yeah?” he hissed. 

“I don’t understand why you’re acting like this.” you said, feeling hurt. 

“You’re a disgrace to your family and to me. Why wouldn’t I be acting like this?” he snapped. You felt your heart sink. “Have nothing to say, do you?” 

“I don’t understand..” you said again, your voice trailing off. You were upset that you weren’t fighting back, but your mind was trying to piece together what was happening. Did you imagine you two kissing the other day?

“A Gryffindor.” he said. “Your mum would be so disappointed. You should be too, and yet you’re spending all your time with them.” 

“What am I supposed to do? Be mean to everyone in my house?” you snapped. “You seem jealous, Draco. I just want to be friends with everyone, I don’t care what house they’re in. I don’t get why this is such a big deal to you. I even still want to be friends with you!” you felt yourself holding back tears. Why was this so upsetting to you? “But, you don’t even want to be my friend!” 

Draco stepped towards you. He stayed quiet for a moment, just looking you in the eyes. It wasn’t intimidating, though. For a moment, you felt like you were seeing the real Draco. “I’m just trying to protect you.” he said, and before you could ask him anything, he stormed off down the hall. 

You stood in silence, completely puzzled. He was trying to protect you? From what? And if that’s what he was doing, he had an odd way of showing it. Protecting someone meant you cared for them, but to you it didn’t feel like he cared about you at all. Maybe you were right, though. He might be jealous and that’s why he’s so upset with you befriending Gryffindors. Did he want you all to himself, like back when it was just the two of you at Malfoy Manor? 

“I thought you were going back to the common room!” you heard Hermione’s voice from down the hall. 

“Uh, yeah. I got lost.” you lied, not wanting to tell her what had just happened. 

Hermione laughed. “You’ll find your way around eventually.” 

“I hope so.” you replied. 

“Don’t be discouraged.” she said. “Anyways, I’m just going to set my book bag down on my bed and then we can go down to the pitch.” she looked you up and down. “You should probably put on a sweater, it gets cold.” 

“Sounds good.” you replied, thankful that she didn’t see you talking to Draco. 

You and Hermione walked through the common room quickly. A few people were on their way out as you passed, all dressed warm. You assumed they were also going to the game. You tried to keep up with Hermione as she pushed past people as they chatted excitedly. She climbed the stairs to your dorm and you tried your best to stay right behind her. You pretended like you weren’t out of breath as the two of you entered your room. You grabbed a sweater from one of your drawers and threw it over your head. 

“Ready?” Hermione asked. 

You pulled your sweater down and adjusted it a bit before responding. “Ready.” 

She smiled and the two of you made your way back to the common room. There were much more people now, some of them dressed in Gryffindor colors but all seemed full of life and excitement. 

“You going to the pitch?” you heard someone say, and you turned around to see Neville with Seamus and Dean. 

“Yes, and if we want to get a good seat we need to hurry.” Hermione answered, grabbing your hand and pulling you away from them. 

“I’ll see you down there.” you said, waving to the boys as they looked at you confused. 

“Sorry, I just don’t want to be stuck sitting up in the front of the rows.” Hermione said as the two of you made your way down the floating staircase. “People always push each other up against them, it’s quite uncomfortable. The top row is ideal.” 

You just nodded, trusting her and not really knowing what to add. You were just happy to be along and soon find out whatever quidditch was all about. The halls were much busier than before, too. Many students, of all houses, were working their way out the castle. Hermione was still holding onto your hand, which you were thankful for because it felt easy to get lost in the crowd. A Ravenclaw boy ran into you and apologized, but before you could respond Hermione was tugging you in another direction. 

The two of you made your way out of the castle and trudged across green terrain towards a giant, wooden stadium. You saw four tall towers, each the color of one of the houses at Hogwarts. There was also three giant rings on each side of the stadium, as well as what looked like people flying around on broomsticks. The two of you climbed the steps and you followed Hermione up to the top row. 

“Yes!” She smiled and took a seat, clearly happy to find one where she wanted. 

You sat next to her and took a look around. What you had thought you saw earlier was in fact true: people were flying around on broomsticks. You were quite surprised at how graceful they looked, and started to try and pick out Ron and Harry from the group. You saw Ron hovering by one of the three giant rings, and Harry was talking to a girl with red hair who you assumed was Ginny. You glanced at the other team, seeing Ravenclaw colors. 

“Is Ravenclaw any good?” you asked. 

“They’re alright, but I think we won’t have a problem beating them.” Hermione said with confidence. You realized that she was keeping her eye on Ron and you smiled to yourself. 

“Do you like him?” you asked. 

“Like who?” she looked at you confused. 

“You know.” you said quietly, not wanting anyone to hear. 

“I-uh-” she was immediately cut off by the sound of someone talking loudly over the stadium. You listened as they announced the start of the match. People were still filling into the rows, and you watched as Seamus, Neville, and Dean chose a spot up in the front. You figured you’d just ask Hermione about Ron another time. 

Three balls were released from a chest on the field below the stadium. Two of them were medium in size and brown, the last was so small that you could hardly see it, let alone make out the color. You watched as Harry took off after it, while a fourth ball was released into the air and the two teams started to push each other around for it. You saw a few players holding bats, and you realized the two on the Gryffindor team were the Weasley twins. You smiled as you watched them smack the two brown balls away from themselves and towards the other team. 

Gryffindor had taken the large ball from one of the Ravenclaws, and you watched as one of the girls scored. The entire Gryffindor section shouted with joy and you clapped along with them. The ball was released again, and this time the Ravenclaws held onto it. They threw one at one of the giant rings, but Ron deflected it with ease. The Gryffindors went wild again as Ron passed the ball off to one of his teammates. Again, Gryffindor scored and everyone cheered. You looked over at the Ravenclaw section of the stadium as they groaned, some of them slapping their hands against the rails of the stadium. 

“Ron’s pretty good.” you said to Hermione and she nodded. “I can’t believe how many Weasley’s are on the team though.” you said with a laugh. “I guess it runs in the family or something.” 

“They’ve always been big fans of the game.” Hermione replied. “Ron just joined this year, though. Harry has been playing since first year.” 

“Really? Since his first year here at Hogwarts?” you raised an eyebrow. Ravenclaw scored and you listened to all the Gryffindor’s around you boo and groan. 

“Yes, he was the youngest seeker in a century.” she replied. 

“That’s impressive.” you said, finding yourself a little bit more attracted to Harry. “I don’t think I could ever do that. Heights scare me.” 

“Quidditch is definitely not for everyone.” Hermione said. “I wouldn’t be able to do it either.” 

You looked above as Harry swept low over the crowd. Everyone ducked and gasped. You shot back up and looked at Hermione confused. “What was that about?” you asked. 

“He’s trying to catch the snitch. It’s a super small golden ball that flies around wicked fast. It’s hard to catch, but once one of the team’s seekers catches it, the game is over.” she explained. 

“Got it.” you replied, keeping your eye on Harry. He zoomed past one of the twins and you watched as they hit a ball with their bat to keep it away from him. Harry had his arm outstretched, and you saw the Ravenclaw seeker realize what Harry was up to. She followed behind him, trying to catch up, but it was too late. Harry had caught the snitch and was holding it in his fist, high in the air. The Gryffindor’s cheered loudly as the end of the game was announced over the stadium. You clapped your hands and cheered along with them. The players found their way to the field and walked back into their locker rooms while everyone in the stadium started to file out. 

“That was insane.” you said to Hermione over the noise of the crowd as the two of you made your way back towards the castle. 

“It was a quick game, too.” she said. “Sometimes they can last for hours. Thankfully Harry is a pretty good seeker, so it doesn’t happen for Gryffindor.” 

The two of you made your way through the crowd and climbed the steps back up to the Gryffindor common room. There was already a pack of students standing outside of it, waiting for someone to say the password. You saw Neville, Dean, and Seamus and waved hello. 

“How’d you like your first quidditch game?” Neville asked. 

“It was brilliant.” you replied. 

“And even better, Gryffindor won!” Dean shouted, and all the Gryffindor’s surrounding started to cheer again. 

“Which means it’s time to celebrate.” Seamus said with a wink. 

“What do you mean?” you asked. 

“You think we’re gonna let a win go uncelebrated?” Dean asked. 

“Gryffindor’s like to throw parties, especially after quidditch matches.” Hermione said in your ear. “Honestly, they’ll look for any excuse to get drunk, it’s a little ridiculous sometimes.” 

“Don’t be like that, Hermione!” Seamus said. 

Everyone started to pile inside the common room. Hermione turned her head towards Seamus as she walked past the portrait. “It can get a bit annoying when someone’s trying to study!” she said. 

“You study too much.” Seamus replied with a laugh. 

“You gotta let loose sometimes.” Dean encouraged. 

You smiled. “Yeah, Hermione. Life’s too short.” 

“Ah, see?” Seamus pointed at you. “Carrow gets it!” Hermione rolled her eyes as Seamus pulled a flask out from his jacket pocket. Come on, try it.” he said to her. 

Hermione gave him a dirty look before snatching it from his hand. She smelled it before bringing it up to her lips and taking a swig. The three boys exclaimed in excitement as she did. You smiled as she wiped her mouth and handed it back to Seamus. 

“There ya go, Hermione.” Seamus said. “What about you?” he asked, offering the flask. 

“Sure, why the hell not.” you replied, grabbing it and taking a swig. 

“Cheers to a fun night.” Seamus said as you handed it back and nodded. 

Everyone in the common room broke out in applause and cheered. You turned to see the Gryffindor quidditch team entering the common room with smiles on their tired faces. Seamus and Dean slapped Ron on the back, drinks were offered to the Weasley twins, and girls were gawking over Ginny. 

You walked up to Harry and he smiled at you. “Great job.” you said cheerfully. 

“Thanks.” he replied, his face going a little red. 

Music started to play and a few people let out a couple woops. You saw in the corner of the common room two boys handing out drinks to people who asked. You turned to Harry. “Want to get a drink?” you asked. 

“Sounds great.” he replied. 

You walked over to one of the boys, eyeing the bottles they were handing out. You weren’t sure what it was, but assumed it was alcohol. The boy handed you two bottles without you having to ask, and you thanked him before returning to Harry. 

“Cheers.” Harry said, and you nodded. 

You took a sip and was pleasantly surprised at the taste. It was cold, but warm going down. The drink was smooth and a little sweet, which made it easy to drink. You watched as Ron stood on the table and people cheered. Lavender got on the table too, grabbed him by his face, and pulled him into a kiss. You felt your stomach drop as you spotted Hermione from across the room, visibly upset. She stormed out of the common room and you turned to Harry. It was clear he had seen the same thing. 

“I should go talk to her.” he said. 

“I think you should too.” you replied. 

“I’m sorry.” he apologized, handing you his drink. 

“Don’t be, she needs a close friend right now.” you replied and he nodded. You watched as he headed in her direction, hopeful that he would be able to cheer her up. You were surprised that Lavender had kissed Ron, you had no idea she was interested in him. Plus, you thought it was kind of obvious that Hermione liked him. Why would she do that to her, especially since they’re roommates? 

“You gonna drink both of those?” someone asked, pulling you from your thoughts. 

“Hmm?” you looked up to see George smiling at you. 

“Two drinks? She’s wild, George.” Fred said from behind him, looking you up and down. 

“It’s not mine, um-” you couldn’t finish before Fred cut you off. 

“No need to be embarrassed!” he said. “It’s impressive.” 

“Yeah?” you asked. You brought one of the bottles to your lips and chugged the entire thing. You gasped for air once you were done and slammed the bottle down on a table. “How’s that for impressive?” 

Both the twins stared at you with their mouths open in shock and you laughed. You hoped you wouldn’t regret doing that in a few minutes, especially since you had never drank before. 

“I’m not going to lie to you, ma’am,” George started, “but that was pretty damn attractive.” 

“Agreed.” Fred said. 

“Want me to do it again?” you joked, holding the other bottle up to your lips. 

“No, no!” George said, grabbing the bottle. “Let’s not go too crazy.” 

“Why not?” you asked with a giggle. 

“How about we just dance instead?” George suggested. 

“You want to dance...with me?” you asked. 

“Of course I want to dance with you.” he replied. 

“What, you think I’m cute?” you asked.

George’s face went red. “Come on, let’s dance.” he replied, grabbing your hand. He pulled you onto the dance floor, let go, turned around, and then made a face at you. You laughed and the two of you started to dance together. George was respectful and kept his distance, but it didn’t feel weird. He grabbed your hand a few times periodically to spin you around which always made you giggle. You glanced around the room and saw Ginny making out with Dean. You raised your eyebrows in surprise, but went back to focusing on George. He moved his feet quickly, sometimes dancing in a jokingly manner. You loved how much you were laughing while with him. It felt like such an intimate moment together, even though you were in a room full of people. You looked around again, taking note that Ron and Lavender were nowhere to be found. Fred was dancing with one of his teammates, Seamus and Neville seemed to be having an intense discussion on the couch together, and Ginny and Dean were still snogging in the corner. 

A few hours passed and the Gryffindor common room was starting to die down. Everyone was drunk and tired, especially those who had been dancing. You saw Harry and Hermione enter the common room and you quickly turned to George. “Thank you for being such a great dance partner, but I think I need to go.” you said, looking back to Hermione. 

George understood and gave you a nod. “Thanks for dancing with me.” he said, pulling your hand up to his mouth and kissing it lightly. 

You felt yourself blush. “See you around.” you said with a smile before walking over to Harry and Hermione. She looked as if she had been crying. You threw your arm around her shoulder. “Let’s get to bed.” you said, and she nodded. 

You looked to Harry. “Thank you.” he mouthed the words and you smiled. 

“See you in the morning.” you said to him, and you and Hermione made your way up to your dorm. 

You didn’t want to ask her any questions, so the two of you both stayed silent. Once inside, she crawled into bed fully dressed. You felt bad and wished you could comfort her better, but knew there wasn’t much you could do right now. You sighed and changed your clothes before getting into bed. You were exhausted from all the dancing and was surprised you were able to stay up so late. 

“Being sorted into Gryffindor was the best thing that could have happened.” you thought to yourself before falling asleep. 


	9. Flipendo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying so far. Thanks so much for reading <3

The weekend went by slowly at Hogwarts, but you weren’t complaining. You were definitely hung over the day after the party. You spent your day relaxing in your room and thankful that only Hermione was around. Things were definitely awkward between her and Lavender, and you knew that Lavender could see that. She had left that afternoon with Pavarti and didn’t say anything to Hermione. You weren’t exactly sure what time she had come back from snogging Ron, but you assumed it was early morning since you turned in around 1am. 

Hermione didn’t leave her bed unless it was to go to the bathroom. You asked her if she wanted to join you each time you went down to the Great Hall for a meal, but she declined. You couldn’t blame her for not having an appetite, it was common for those who were going through what she was. You assumed Harry was a bit upset with Ron as well. Or at least you assumed. You only saw Ron at lunch, but he sat with Lavender. You hadn’t seen Harry at all and wondered what he was up to. Without anyone from the Golden Trio around, you had to endure your meals alone. Luna sat with you during breakfast, though. She was pleasant and kind, as always. You had lunch by yourself, which you didn’t mind. And Seamus, Neville, and Dean sat with you during dinner. Ginny tagged along, and her and Dean seemed to still be quite fond of each other. 

When you came back to your dorm, Hermione was there. Either reading, writing, or hiding underneath her blanket. You assumed she hid when she was crying, but she was a quiet crier so you weren’t for sure. Lavender returned to the dorm late at night, and you watched as she made sure Hermione was asleep before crawling into her own bed. You could tell she didn’t want to deal with any confrontation. 

Sunday was just as eventless as the day prior. You took a walk around the castle, hoping to run into George, but you were out of luck. After dancing with him, he was on your mind a lot more often. He was charming, funny, and kind. You liked having him around. And with so much thought going to George, it made it easier to forget about how hurtful Draco was. Thankfully, you hadn’t seen him since before the quidditch game. You didn’t know what to do when it came to him, but you figured space was a good start. 

Monday came slowly and you were ready to start learning again. You had hoped that you could convenience Mcgonagall into letting you perform tasks without a wand. You assumed Professor Flitwick had told her and Dumbledore about what happened, but they were still insisting that you used your wand for practice. It was frustrating, especially since it didn’t feel natural. It was hard to perform a strong spell. You had managed to weakly do a few, but it wasn’t the same. 

You looked over to see if Hermione was awake, but she wasn’t in her bed. You sat up and saw Lavender and Pavarti still asleep and figured she went to breakfast early to avoid Ron. You yawned, stretched, and got ready for the day. 

With your wand deep in your pocket, you made your way down to the Great Hall. You were thankful that you didn’t need any help getting there and back from your common room, and it helped you feel a little more independent and in control. You entered the Great Hall and looked around for a familiar face. Hermione was nowhere to be seen, and neither was any of your other Gryffindor friends. You glanced quickly at the Slytherin table and saw Draco sitting with his friends. You felt a little embarrassed having breakfast by yourself, but there wasn’t really anything you could do. 

You sat down and put some food on your plate. You saw Mcgonagall stand from the professor’s table and start to make her way towards you. You felt a little disappointed since you had only had a few bites of your breakfast and figured she wanted to start early. 

“Ms. Carrow, we will not be working together this morning. Instead, you’ll be with Severus since he was unable to teach you last week.” she said. 

You had forgotten that Snape was one of the professors you were supposed to be learning with and felt your stomach drop. You definitely rather be with Mcgonagall or Flitwick than with Snape. There was something about him that made you nervous. You nodded your head at Professor Mcgonagall. “Yes, ma’am.” you said. 

“His office is located in the dungeons.” she said. “And remember, you need to use your wand.” 

Before you could respond, she was already on her way out of the Hall. Now you were even more nervous. You had no idea where the dungeons were located in Hogwarts, and you didn’t want to ask a stranger for directions. Just as you were about to panic, Seamus, Dean, and Neville entered the Great Hall. You sighed deeply and waved at them. Thankfully, they decided to come sit with you. 

“You’re up early.” Neville said as he took a seat next to you. 

“Yeah, I guess so. Getting a jump start on the day.” you replied. 

“Good for you, more people should feel motivated in the mornings.” Neville said. 

“Not everyone can be a morning person like you, Neville.” Seamus said and Dean laughed. 

“They would be if they went to bed early like he did.” Dean chimed in and Neville’s face went a little red. 

“There’s nothing wrong with going to bed early, it’s probably better for your health anyways.” you said, defending Neville. He gave you a small smile. “Anyways, will one of you help me find my way to Snape’s office?” you asked. 

“Snape’s office? What’d you do?” Seamus asked. 

“What do you mean?” you asked, confused. 

“Did you get in trouble or something?” Dean asked. 

“No, Snape is one of the professors who is helping me learn the basics and catch me up with everyone my age.” you said. 

“Oh, that’s a bummer.” Seamus said. 

“Why?” you asked, feeling your anxiety start back up. 

“The guy’s an ass.” Dean said, and Seamus nodded. 

“Yeah, he’s quite scary.” Neville said. 

“Oh, great..” your voice trailed off. Now you were really not looking forward to private lessons with Snape. 

“Maybe he’ll be nice to you, though. Who knows.” Neville said. He could tell you were nervous. 

“Doubt it, she’s a Gryffindor.” Seamus said. “He hates Gryffindor’s.”

You wondered why there seemed to be so much tension between the Slytherin’s and Gryffindor’s. “I’m just going to try my best.” you said. 

“But don’t be annoying about it because he really hates Granger too, and that girl is always trying her best.” Seamus said. 

You sighed. “Well, thanks guys. But I still need help figuring out where the dungeons are. Is anyone gonna help me with that or are you guys just gonna sit here and try to make me more scared of Snape?” you asked. 

“Sorry.” they all mumbled in unison. 

“I’ll walk you.” Neville said, and you smiled. 

“Thanks, let’s get going then. I’d like to get there early, I don’t want to start off on a bad foot.” you said, standing from the table. You gave Seamus and Dean a wave, and then started to make your way out of the Hall. 

Neville got up and followed you out of the Great Hall, mumbling goodbyes to his two friends. The two of you passed quite a few Slytherins on the way to Snape’s office, and you wondered if their common room was somewhere near the dungeons. You were also nervous that you might run into Draco and prepared for the worst. 

“Is Snape really that bad?” you asked as the two of you walked. 

“I guess it depends on who you’re asking.” Neville replied. “I’m not a fan. I tried to get out of taking his class this year, but turns out he’s teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. He had always been the potions teacher. Thought I could avoid him this year. It was quite the surprise when I walked into class and saw him.” 

“That blows.” you said.

“I know, just my luck.” Neville sighed. “But, don’t be nervous. You’ve got a clean slate. He may like you.”

“I hope so. Too bad I’m not in Slytherin, then.” you joked and Neville laughed. 

“I’m glad you’re in Gryffindor.” Neville replied. 

“Me too.” you said with a smile. “It definitely makes Hogwarts feel even more like home. It’s great to have so many nice people around. You are all the best, seriously.” 

You saw Neville blush a bit. “I’m glad you feel at home. From what I can tell, you’ve needed a place that felt like home for quite some time.” 

“Definitely. I never thought I’d feel this happy. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” you said. 

“And you don’t have to. You belong here.” Neville replied. 

You smiled. His words were so encouraging and comforting. “Thanks, Neville.”

“Anytime.” he said. The two of you turned a corner and walked down an empty hall. Neville stopped a few feet away from a door and turned to look at you. “That’s his office.” he said, looking over towards the door. “And this is as close as I’d like to get to Snape if I don’t have to be around him.”

“Fair.” you replied. “Thank you, Neville.” 

“Have fun.” he said in a joking manner. “I’ll see you later.”

The two of you said goodbye to each other and you watched as he turned the corner and disappeared. With a deep breath and a pounding heart, you went to knock on Snape’s office door. You waited for a few seconds until the door was whipped open quickly. You looked up to see Snape staring at you, his black greasy hair hanging slightly in his face. 

“Ms. Carrow.” he said in his deep voice. 

“Hello, Professor.” you said. Snape just stared at you, still standing in the doorway. “Um, Professor Mcgonagall said to meet you down here.” you continued. 

“Yes, come in.” he turned around and walked into his office, letting the door close once he let go. You frantically tried to stop the heavy door, pushing it open and squeezing into the small space. You felt a bit embarrassed and hoped he hadn’t seen you struggle with the door. 

Snape’s office walls were lined with shelves filled with small, glass bottles. Some of them were filled with liquids while others had herbs and other objects that you wouldn’t be able to identify. You saw him standing in the middle of the room, watching you as you looked around. 

“Today we’ll go over the knockback jinx.” he said. You watched him wave his wand and a human shaped dummy appeared out of thin air. It was tall and statue-esc. “Flipendo.” he said, and the dummy fell backwards. Snape looked over at you. “See? Easy.”

“Yeah.” you said quietly. You put your hand in your pocket and gripped your wand. You didn’t want to use it because you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of Snape. You knew it would be easier without it. You stepped up to the dummy, still with your wand in your pocket. 

“I’ve heard you’re not fond of using your wand, Ms. Carrow.” Snape said. You looked at him and nodded, hopeful that he’d let you go without it. “Seems to me that you are just lazy.” 

Your face burned red. Lazy? Why did that make you lazy? “Sir-” you started, but he cut you off. 

“You will use a wand when I am teaching, do I make myself clear?” he asked. 

“Yes, Professor.” you sighed. You pulled your wand out, a bit reluctantly, and pointed it at the dummy. “Flipendo.” you said, and nothing happened. 

“Again.” Snape said. 

“Flipendo.” you said again, this time a little louder. You were a bit harsher with your wand movement, too. The dummy moved back a little bit, but nothing much else happened. You tried not to show on your face how disappointed you were. 

“Again.” Snape said, and you wanted to roll your eyes. 

“Flipendo.” you waved your wand, this time even more jagged with the motion. You were starting to get angry. Again, the dummy moved back slightly but that was it. 

“Do it again.” Snape said. His words were starting to sting, adding to your annoyance. 

You pointed your wand at the dummy. “Flipendo!” you bellowed. Nothing happened. In anger, you threw your wand at the floor. 

“Pick up your wand and do it again.” Snape demanded. You turned to look at him. “Now.” he said coldly. 

You walked over to your wand and picked it up. You were shaking, and you figured Snape could tell once you lifted your wand. “Flipendo.” you said, and nothing happened. You felt like you were going to be sick. Why was using a wand so difficult for you? Your insides felt like they were boiling with anger. “I can’t do it.” you said, not even turning to face Snape. 

“You are just lazy.” he said. “Do it again.” 

“I can’t.” you argued. This was not the way you wanted things to go, especially with your first time being around Snape. He definitely wouldn’t like you after this. 

“Your mother would be disappointed.” Snape said, and you felt tears start to form in your eyes. 

“I wouldn’t know.” you replied. “Seems everyone knows more about her than I ever could.” 

“Maybe she kept you locked away because she knew you’d be a disappointment to the Carrow family.” Snape said. 

You turned to face him, tears rolling down your cheeks. “That’s not true.” you said. 

“Is it?” he asked. 

“How would you know?” you snapped. 

“I know more than you ever could about your own family.” he said. 

You felt something inside you snap. You threw your wand to the ground and turned to face the dummy. “Flipendo!” you screamed at the top of your lungs. Every glass bottle along the walls shattered and sent glass flying in all directions. The dummy flew back against the wall and broke the shelves it collided into. You threw your arms up over your face, trying to protect yourself from the shards of glass. You felt a few of them cut your fingers, and you flinched as they did. After everything seemed to settle, you put your arms down to see Snape looking at you with shock. “Professor..I’m sorry.” you said quietly. 

“Pick up your wand and follow me.” Snape said in a low voice. 

“Professor, I-” you started, but he silenced you. 

“Now.” he snapped, and you did what you were told. You grabbed your wand from the shattered glass on the floor and followed Snape out into the hall. 

He walked quickly and it was hard to keep up. His cloak was moving swiftly with him, and you tried your best to stay within a few feet of him. You were starting to breathe heavily, but you didn’t want to say anything to him. You were nervous. You had no idea where he was taking you, and you assumed he was furious with what had just happened. Not only did you talk back to him, but you ruined his office. 

Snape led you down a familiar corridor, and you soon realized where you were headed: Dumbledore’s office. “I’m definitely in trouble.” you thought to yourself as Snape said the password to the statue guarding the staircase to Dumbledore’s office. You watched as it slowly turned and disappeared, revealing the hidden steps. 

Without looking to see if you were behind him, Snape immediately started up the steps. You followed with your head down, trying not to let your thoughts get the best of you. Instead of knocking, Snape burst into Dumbledore’s office and grabbed you by your robe, pushing you in front of him. You lost your balance but regained it quickly, looking up to see Dumbledore looking at you in confusion. He was sitting at his desk with a ton of pieces of parchment laid out upon it. 

“Ms. Carrow is much more powerful than we assumed.” Snape said, and Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. “In fact, she just ruined everything in my office with one simple spell.” 

“Is that so?” Dumbledore asked, looking at you. 

“Yes, sir. I didn’t do it on purpose. I was just frustrated. I don’t know how it happened.” you said quickly. 

“It happened because you don’t have a grip on your power.” Snape said. “You have no idea how much you’re capable of.” 

“I don’t…” you voice trailed off. How would you know? It’s not like you’ve had a lot of opportunities to practice magic throughout your life. 

“And, all without a wand too.” Snape said. 

Dumbledore stood from his desk. “You’re not using your wand?” he asked you directly. 

“I can’t. I don’t know why not, but it’s harder for me to perform spells.” you admitted. 

“Yes, Minerva and Fillius have told me.” Dumbledore said. 

“What does that mean?” you asked. 

“It means that the Dark Lord will be far more interested in you than we previously assumed.” Snape said. 

“Severus!” Dumbledore snapped. 

“What does he want with me?” you asked. 

“We will not discuss this any further until we have more information.” Dumbledore said sternly. 

“But, I need to know. If my life is in danger, why keep me in the dark? That’s not fair to-” you were silenced by Dumbledore. 

“Enough!” he shouted, and you closed your mouth. “Ms. Carrow, please find your way back to your common room. Severus and I have some things to discuss.”

You were frustrated, but didn’t want to fight with Dumbledore. “Yes, sir.” you said, turning your back on him. You walked past Snape, not even looking up at him, and exited Dumbledore’s office. 

-

Harry was studying in the common room in his favorite armchair next to the fire. He jumped in surprise when Hermione dropped something into his lap. It was a piece of parchment with her handwriting scribbled on it. 

“Her mother’s name isn’t Alice.” Hermione said. 

“What are you talking about?” Harry asked, adjusting his glasses to get a better look at the paper.

“Her mother’s name is Alecto. She lied to us.” Hermione said, taking a seat next to Harry. 

“So? The names are similar, maybe it’s just a nickname her mother goes by.” Harry said. 

“No, she’s hiding something about her family. The Carrow’s, both her uncle and mother, are Death Eaters.” Hermione said, pointing to the names she had written on the parchment. “And her mother is in Azkaban right now, along with her uncle and a few others. They got caught a few months ago under suspicious activities.” 

“So, you’re saying she’s lying about her family?” Harry asked.

“Yes.” Hermione replied. 

“I don’t think that’s it. There’s no way.” Harry said. 

“Why not?” Hermione asked. “There is plenty to lie about. I wouldn’t want anyone to know my mum was in Azkaban and serving under Voldemort either.” 

“She’s a good person, I can tell.” Harry defended. 

“I’d be careful, Harry. Especially since she’s already lied to us.” Hermione warned. 

You walked through the doorway to the common room and saw Harry and Hermione sitting together. You walked over to the two of them, deciding to say hello. As you approached, they both turned to face you. You watched as Hermione snatched a piece of paper from Harry’s lap and put it inside one of the books she was holding. 

“What are you guys up to?” you asked. 

“Uh, studying.” Harry replied. 

Something seemed off, but you couldn’t tell what. Maybe it was just you, you had had a weird day so far. You hoped seeing your friends would make you feel better, but for some reason it was making you feel worse.

“Gotcha.” you said, your voice trailing off. “Well, I’m gonna head up to the dorms. I think I’m going to take a nap. I’m feeling tired after that lesson with Snape.” you said. 

The two of them just stared at you. 

“Yeah, so see you guys later.” you said awkwardly, and made your way up to your dorm. 

As you climbed the staircase, you felt your heart beating wildly in your chest. There was definitely something up, it wasn’t just your imagination. You started to wonder if you had done something that would have upset the two of them, but you couldn’t think of anything. Once you reached your room, it hit you. 

What if they know you’re lying?


	10. Birthday Gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut in this chapter, so just a warning for people who don't like reading smut.

The next few days were awkward, to say the least. You were too busy worrying about why Harry and Hermione were acting off towards you to really think about anything else. Since the night you had seen them in the common room, they were acting incredibly suspicious of you. Hermione didn’t wait for you in the mornings to go to breakfast together anymore, and you hardly ever saw Harry either. If you did see either of them, you’d try to make small conversation, but it didn’t feel the same as before. Their answers were always short and cold, making you feel even more uneasy. 

You started to wonder what you had done to make them treat you this way. You assumed they found out you were lying to them, you just weren’t sure which lie they found out. You had to admit to yourself, you were keeping a lot about your life hidden from your friends. Living with the Malfoys, your family name, and somehow being associated with the Dark Lord because of your mother. It was a lot to keep track of, so you weren’t sure which one they knew you were lying about. You didn’t want to ask, either. What if you assume the wrong thing and get yourself into even more trouble?

On top of that, your lessons hadn’t been going so well either. All the professors teaching you had been informed about what happened in Snape’s office and they were really cracking down on you and the need to use a wand. With the frustration of your friends acting weird towards you and not doing well in your lessons, you were starting to feel discouraged. Still, you wouldn’t give it up. No matter what happened, you refused to let your mother keep you locked in your room ever again. 

You woke up this morning hopeful that it would be a better day, especially since it was your birthday. No one knew, of course, but you didn’t care. You wanted it to be a good day, and you were going to do what you could to make that happen. You were thankful it was at least Saturday so you didn’t have to worry about any lessons ruining your mood. You had the whole day to do whatever you wanted, and you were looking forward to that. 

Looking around your room, you realized that everyone had already woken up and left for the day. You were a little relieved that Hermione wasn’t around, but still felt sad. You wished you could tell her it was your birthday and have a friend to do stuff with. You shrugged to yourself. You had more friends at Hogwarts than just Harry and Hermione, right? Feeling determined, you decided to get ready for breakfast and head down to the Great Hall, hoping you’d find someone to hang around. 

You entered the Hall and looked around eagerly. It was mildly empty, to your surprise, and you frowned. Trying to not feel defeated already, you sat down at the Gryffindor table and decided to have breakfast by yourself. There were a few Hufflepuff’s at their own table talking together, three Ravenclaw’s studying at their table, a handful of Slytherin’s chatting amongst themselves quietly, and a couple third year and fourth year Gryffindor’s you didn’t know the names of. It sucked seeing so many friend groups together, enjoying each other’s presence. You wished you had the same. 

You stared at your breakfast, zoning out for a few moments with your head down. This birthday felt similar to the ones you had in the past: lonely. It had been a while since you felt lonely, you had almost forgotten how much it sucked. It was painful, but this time it seemed even worse. Before, you were lonely because you had no one. But now, you were lonely because no one wanted to be around you. Not Harry, not Hermione, and definitely not Draco. 

“What’s up?” you heard someone say and you looked up quickly to see George Weasley sitting down across from you at the table. 

You sighed. 

“Is everything alright?” George asked, grabbing a piece of toast and taking a bite. 

“I’m just having an off couple of days.” you said softly. 

“Oh yeah?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Today especially.” you said. “I turned 18 today and I can’t even find any of my friends.”

His eyes got big. “Is today your birthday?” he asked, and you nodded. He stood up quickly. “Merlin, it’s your birthday!” a few people in the Great Hall turned to look at you, and you hid your face in your hands with embarrassment. George realized what he had done and sat down again. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you red.” 

“It’s fine.” you said, looking up at him. “But, yes. It’s my birthday today.”

“And we aren’t having a party? Now, that’s a shame.” George said. 

“Honestly, you’re the only person I’ve told.” you replied. “No one else knows.” 

“Well, I’m honored. But also, why not tell others? I’m sure your friends would like to know.” he said. 

“Everyone has been, um, busy. It seems, at least. I haven’t really seen anyone the last few days.” you said. 

“I’m not busy!” he said a bit loud, and a few people looked in his direction. “Sorry!” he apologized to the studying Ravenclaws as they glared at him. He then turned to face you again. “Come with me.” he said, standing from the table. 

“Where are we going?” you asked before standing. 

“Just come with me, I’m gonna show you something.” he said. 

You looked at him before reluctantly getting up. “This better not be some trick.” you said as you followed him out of the Great Hall. 

“As much as I love tricks and jokes, I wouldn’t do that to someone on their birthday.” he paused. “Well, maybe to Fred, or Ron.” he laughed, and so did you. 

“I haven’t seen Ron around much lately.” you said as the two of you walked down one of the halls. 

“Oh yeah, he’s spending a lot of time with that girl, Lavender. I’m surprised their lips haven’t gone chapped from how much they snog.” George said. “It seems to be an unhealthy amount.” 

You laughed. “I’d say so.” you agreed, following him around a corner and then down a staircase. George stopped in front of a blank wall and you turned to look at him. “What?” you asked. 

“Just a moment.” he said. George then started to pace back and forth along the blank wall and you looked at him like he was crazy. 

“What are you doing?” you laughed. 

He put his finger up and continued to pace until a door slowly started to form along the wall. He stopped and looked at you. “See?” 

“How the hell-?” you looked from the door to him. 

“Room of Requirement.” he said, opening the door for you. “Come on.” he waved you in and you followed. 

The Room of Requirement seemed like a giant room full of junk. But, when you looked closer, you realized that none of it was. Every single item inside the room was well kept, but placed oddly. Some of it was jewelry, old furniture, and other small items scattered about. It was hard to walk around everything as you followed George through the room. 

“Fred and I like to come here and look through the stuff people hide.” he said over his shoulder. “We’ve found some interesting stuff, even students making out.” he laughed. 

“So, everyone just collectively decides to hide items here?” you asked while still looking around. “How is that smart? Everyone know’s everyone else’s hiding spot.”

“I think everyone knows not to take from here.” George replied. “Kind of like an honor code I guess.” 

“That’s nice that people can trust others.” you said as the two of you continued to walk through everything. You picked up a book and looked for the title, but didn’t see one. You sighed and set it back down. “Have you hidden anything in here?” you asked. 

“Oh yeah, Fred and I have hidden quite a lot of things in here.” George laughed. 

“Like what?” you asked. 

“You know, the kind of stuff that could get us expelled. Like illegal fireworks or whatever else Fred and I happen to be working on that could get us in trouble.” he laughed. 

“You get into trouble often?” you asked. 

George turned to face you. “No, because we never get caught.” he gave you a wink. 

“Lucky you.” you said, and he laughed. The two of you had stopped walking through the room and were standing pretty close to each other. “So, why exactly did you want to show me this room?” you asked, looking up at him. 

“I just thought it could be helpful to you, ya know? Just in case you ever want somewhere to hide.” he said, looking down at you. 

“You sure you weren’t just trying to get me alone?” you asked with a smile. 

George laughed. “Now why would I do that?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you said. 

“I can’t deny I’ve thought you were beautiful since the moment I saw you.” he said, putting his hand on your cheek. “And I can’t let a pretty girl spend her birthday alone.” 

“Did you get me anything?” you asked, jokingly. George didn’t say anything, but instead leaned in to kiss you. You kissed him back, and as you did you felt one of his hands slide down your back and to your ass. He gave it a harsh squeeze, making you moan a little bit into his mouth. You felt him smile and broke off the kiss to look at him. 

“Do you like it?” he asked, and you nodded. “Do you want to continue?” he checked in with you, and you nodded again. 

“Definitely.” you said, going in to kiss him again but this time with much more force. You pushed him up against a giant wardrobe and he ran his fingers through your hair roughly. You bit his lip and he tugged at your hair. You reached down for the button to his pants and undid it quickly. You reached your hands into his boxers and felt his hard cock and moaned again, impressed with the size. You looked up at him and bit your bottom lip. 

“It’s big, isn’t it?” he asked quietly. 

“I want it in my mouth.” you said, and you felt him flex his dick with your hand still around it. 

“Please.” he said, throwing his pants down his legs. 

You grabbed his boxers and pulled them down just enough to see his genitals. His giant cock sprung out from his underwear and you got down on your knees quickly. You looked up at him before planting light kisses all around his pelvic area and thighs. You then moved to his balls where you started to suck on them gently while rubbing his cock with your hand. He moaned and you felt yourself grow wetter, looking forward to what was to come. You moved your hand from his cock and started to deep throat him, listening to him moan as you moved your tongue across his cock when you took him in your mouth. You fondled his balls as you want, picking up pace. George put his fingers in your hair and started to thrust, and you let him. You choked a few times, but you didn’t mind the tears running down your cheeks. You looked up at him again, and the two of you made eye contact. He smirked before letting out a low moan, and he came inside your mouth. You sucked on him until he was finished, swallowing as soon as he removed his cock from your mouth. 

He looked down at you, cock now half hard. “You look beautiful.” he said, admiring your face. 

You laughed. “Thanks.” you said as you stood from your position. 

George wrapped one of his hands around your neck and took you by surprise. “Don’t assume this is over.” he said into your ear. “It is your birthday, after all.” He picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist as the two of you started to kiss again. He found a table nearby and set you on it. He gently pushed you down and you laid back on the table as he started to pull your pants off. George then got between your legs, grabbed your hips, and pulled you towards the edge of the table. He gave you a few kisses on the neck before kneeling down. 

You gasped as you felt his lips touch your warmth, and let out a moan when you felt his tongue lick against your clit. He continued at a slow pace, and slid two fingers inside you as he did. You moaned as he continued to work his fingers in and out of you while continuing to lick at your clit. He reached up with his free arm and grabbed one of your boobs and started to squeeze. You reached down for his head and started to grind against his lips. You felt your orgasm starting to build, and were holding your breath. George picked up the speed of his tongue, and you felt yourself start to cum on his lips. You let out a long moan as you did, and he continued to move his tongue across your clit until you were squirming from being over stimulated.

He stopped and stood up to see you lying there out of breath. You smiled at him, trying to slow your breathing. “That was insane.” you said. 

“Good.” he smiled. “Anything for the birthday girl.” 

“Merlin, I wish it was my birthday every day.” you said and the two of you laughed. “Thank you so much.”

“No, thank you.” he said, helping you pull up your pants and get off the table. 

“Now what?” you said as the two of you put yourselves back together. 

“I need to find Fred, he was working on something earlier and I was trying to find him. I’m not complaining, though. Looking for Fred led me to you.” he smiled. 

“I’m not complaining either.” you said. “Good thing you didn’t find him.” 

“Seriously.” George said as he grabbed your hand and started to lead you out of the room with him. “You can come with, by the way.” 

“To find Fred?” you asked. 

“Yes, to find Fred.” he replied. 

“Sounds good to me, I have nothing planned for the rest of the day.” you said. 

“Wonderful, we can show you some of the stuff we’ve been working on.” George replied. 

“And what’s that?” you asked as you followed him out of the Room of Requirement. 

“Candies that get you out of class.” he replied. “They make you appear sick for an hour or so. Works best for just a period, though. So if you ever need to get out of a test, just let me know.” he winked at you and you giggled. 

The two of you turned a corner and you saw Hermione, Harry, and Neville walking together. You felt your stomach drop. “Oi!” George called to them, and they turned around. “Have you seen Fred anywhere?” he asked. They stopped and waited as the two of you approached them. You kept your eyes down, not wanting to look at Harry or Hermione. 

“I think I saw him in the common room an hour or so ago.” Hermione said. 

“Perfect, is that where the three of you are headed?” George asked. 

“Yeah, we are to study.” Neville said. “Would you like to join us?” he asked you directly. 

You glanced at Harry and Hermione, but neither one of them would look at you. “Um, no. It’s alright.” you said. 

“Guys, it’s her birthday!” George said quickly, and you felt yourself go red with embarrassment. 

“Happy birthday.” Harry said without looking at you, and Hermione just nodded. 

“It’s your birthday? And you didn’t tell us?” Neville asked. “I feel like such a bad friend.” 

“No, don’t.” you said. “It’s ok, it doesn’t even matter.” you said sadly. 

“But it does matter!” George said. 

“It’s fine you guys. Seriously.” you felt yourself getting anxious. Hermione and Harry were still acting weird towards you, and being around them was making you feel sick to your stomach. “I think I’m going to go for a walk. I’ll catch you later.” you said to the four of them, and turned around and walked in the other direction before waiting for an answer. 

You tried to focus on your breathing as you walked out of their eyesight, knowing that they were watching the entire time. It was so difficult being around Harry and Hermione, you couldn’t stand it anymore. Something had to be going on, but you didn’t know what to do. You stopped for a moment. 

“Draco.” you thought to yourself. 

You immediately started to search for him in the hallways. You wanted to tell him what was going on. Maybe he’d be able to give you some advice. His father said he wanted you to keep a low profile at Hogwarts, but Hermione and Harry had seemed to catch on to something. Draco needed to know so that he could tell his father. Lucius would want that, right? You turned another corner and saw one of the Slytherins you had met the day you were on the train to Hogwarts with Draco. 

“Blaise.” you said, stopping the Slytherin boy. He was with a few girls, but you didn’t care. “Have you seen Draco?” you asked. 

“I think he’s in the library.” he responded. 

“Thanks.” you said, immediately heading towards the library. You listened as the girls with him giggled, but you didn’t care if they were laughing at you. You marched through the halls and found your way to the library. You quietly entered and started looking down the rows of books, checking each table to see if Draco was sitting at it. 

You finally found him sitting towards the back of the library with Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle. You approached the table and stood over them. “Draco, I need to talk to you.” you said. 

He looked up at you, confused. “What makes you think I want to talk to you?” he asked. Pansy giggled and you ignored her. 

“I need to talk to you, now.” you said harshly. “Without your friends here.” you snapped, looking at him. 

“We aren’t going anywhere.” Crabbe said to you. 

You looked over at him. “Yes, you are. Get your ass up. All of you. I need to talk to Draco.” you said. The three of them looked at Draco and he sighed. 

“Just do it.” he said. The three of them groaned, but got out of their seats and left the two of you alone. 

You sat down at the table and lowered your voice. “Hermione and Harry are acting weird towards me.” you said. 

“Why does that matter?” Draco asked. 

“It matters because I have a lot to hide, Draco. Your father told me to lie about who my mum is. I think they know I’m lying. They won’t talk to me, and if they do they act super weird.” you said. 

“I’m sure it’s just your imagination.” he replied. 

“It’s not.” you slammed your fist on the table. “Take me seriously, Draco.” 

“You’re being a dramatic little girl.” he rolled his eyes at you. 

“Are you kidding me?” you looked him in the eyes. “This has nothing to do with the fact that I am a girl. Your dad wanted me to hide who my mum is for some reason, I think it’s a little important to consider that they may have figured out I was lying. I need you to tell Lucius.” 

“No, I don’t think I will. And next time you’re going to disrupt me and my friends, make sure it’s for a good reason.” Draco said. 

You felt tears start to form in your eyes. You weren’t sad, you were angry. You stood from the table and looked down at him. “You really are an asshole.” you said, and then slapped him across the face. 

He looked up at you in surprise, but didn’t say anything. You turned on your heel and left the library in a huff, not wanting to see his face again. You started to make your way towards your common room and you felt yourself starting to cry. Draco didn’t believe you, but you knew there was something wrong. If he wasn’t going to tell his father or help you, then the only thing you could do was come clean. It wasn’t worth having your friends act like this towards you. 

You had to talk to Harry and Hermione, whether you wanted to or not.


	11. Lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to publish this on Halloween but have been busy with homework the last few days, sorry! Also, this chapter contains smut, so just a warning for those who do not like reading smut.

It was the day of Halloween, and even though a bit of time had passed, you still hadn’t worked up the courage to talk to Harry or Hermione. You tried your best to avoid them in the hopes that maybe things would just figure themselves out, but you knew deep down that that wasn’t going to happen. You rolled over in our bed and glanced at your clock. It was already past noon and you still hadn’t gotten yourself out of bed. You preferred it, though. None of your dormmates were around which meant you got to keep to yourself. And, you didn’t have to worry about running into Hermione. Lately, you had been hiding more from her and Harry. But, you just told yourself it was because you were trying to figure out what to say to them once you worked up the courage to talk to one of them. 

Today was a Saturday, and you were thankful to not have any private lessons with any of the professors. You still weren’t allowed to practice without a wand, and you were starting to feel hopeless. You didn’t understand why it was so hard when using one, especially since everyone else seemed quite comfortable with theirs. Even the first years could perform spells better than you. You were starting to think you and your wand weren’t compatible, but you weren’t sure if that was particularly true. It did choose you, after all. 

You sighed and decided to finally get up and get dressed. Autumn had fully come to Hogwarts, and you admired the landscape as you looked out your dorm window. Though it was midday, the sky was grey and gloomy. It had rained overnight and dampened the grass, making it look more lush than usual. You pulled a sweater over your head and made your way down to the common room, hoping you wouldn’t run into anyone you didn’t want to see. 

Thankfully, it was quiet. You were surprised, but didn’t question it. There were a few Gryffindors scattered around the room studying, but you didn’t recognize any of them. You made your way through the common room and out into the main castle. You stepped onto one of the moving staircases and held tight as it started to glide through the air. It stopped and you continued to walk until you were making your way down the corridor towards the Great Hall. 

“Hey!” you heard someone call after you. You turned to see Neville walking quickly towards you, so you stopped and waited for him to catch up. “Thanks.” he said once he was next to you. 

“What’s up, Neville?” you asked. 

“I have to clip some xonelon trees for Professor Sprout, I was wondering if you’d like to help me.” he said with a smile. 

“I don’t know anything about xonelon trees, Neville. I think I’m the last person you should be asking.” you replied. 

“Oh, don’t worry. They’re only a foot or so high, and they don’t even bite yet!” he said. 

“Bite?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you’ll do fine. Trust me.” he said.

You looked at him for a moment before deciding. You wanted to say no only because you were looking forward to a day of staying hidden from everyone, but the way he was looking at you made it hard to not want to. 

“Alright, fine.” you said, and Neville smiled. 

“Thank you, this will make things go so much faster. I really appreciate it.” he beamed. 

“Sure, Neville.” you said, nodding your head. “Where exactly will we be doing this?” you asked. 

“Oh, in one of the greenhouses. They’re outside, just follow me.” he said. 

The two of you exited the castle and you followed him around one of the outside corners. There were four giant greenhouses just a few feet from the castle walls. You followed Neville to the first one and walked inside. You took a look around and noticed that there were many of the same plant in separate pots sitting on top of the tables in the greenhouse. The plant was tree-like, but had no leaves. The branches were dark grey and brittle, looking like they’d snap at the lightest touch. You went to glide your finger across one and gasped when it jerked away from you. 

“Yeah, they don’t really like to be touched.” Neville laughed. You turned to look at him. “But in order to grow taller, they need to be trimmed of their weaker branches.” 

“And how do we do that?” you asked. 

“They can’t go too far in these pots, so you just have to make sure you’ve got a good hold on them. And to only trim the weak branches.” he said. 

“How do I know which ones are weak, though?” you asked. 

“Look here.” Neville said, and you walked over to him. He pointed at one of the branches on a different tree that looked as if it had a slight discoloration. “See how this is a little lighter than the rest of the tree?” you nodded and he continued. “This is a weak branch.” he said. He grabbed the tree by it’s thin trunk and with a pair of small clippers, he cut off the branch. You watched it fall to the table and turn white. “Easy.” Neville said. 

“Ok, that doesn’t seem too difficult.” you said, taking a pair of clippers that Neville was handing you. “And we’re supposed to clip all of these?” you asked, looking around the room. 

“Yep, it should take us a few hours. Thanks to you, I don’t have to do this all night now.” he said. 

“I’m glad I could help out.” you replied while inspecting one of the trees. 

“Me too.” Neville said before he started to clip branches off of a tree. 

The two of you worked quietly for quite some time. Neville occasionally checked in with you to make sure you were doing well, but for the most part he seemed really concentrated on getting the work done. You didn’t mind the quiet, though. You did want to spend the day alone, and this was somewhat similar to doing so. Even though you were with someone, it still felt like you were alone with your thoughts. Plus, Neville was good company. You didn’t feel pressured to start a conversation. Silence between the two of you wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, it felt nice. 

Neville was a fast worker, and you were positive that he ended up trimming way more trees than you. The two of you finished up the last of them and you set your clippers down on one of the tables. You glanced outside and noticed that it was dark and started to wonder what time it was. 

“You hungry?” Neville asked, and you nodded. “Perfect, I think we can catch a late dinner.” 

The two of you exited the greenhouses together and headed towards the castle. The crisp autumn air caught in your lungs and you shivered. “Hey, Neville. Can I ask you something?” he turned to look at you and nodded. “Did you ever struggle to use your wand?”

“Not really, no. It came a bit natural, just had to practice the spells and make sure I was saying them right.” he replied, and you felt your heart sink. “Why do you ask?” 

“I’m having a hard time using mine.” you said. You didn’t want him to know you could do magic just fine without one, but you were curious if he’d have any insight on using a wand. “It’s a bit discouraging. I feel so far behind everyone. It just doesn’t come naturally.” 

“Well, don’t worry about any of that. The wand picked you.” he said, trying to reassure you. 

“I know, but it’s embarrassing. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything right.” you said. 

“You’re new to all this, cut yourself some slack. You’ll get it someday soon, trust me. I can tell you don’t give up.” Neville gave you a smile. 

You smiled back. “Thanks, Neville.” 

“Of course, just try not to worry. And give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Like I said, you’re new to all this. And, you’re learning everything much later than you should have. This isn’t normal, so things may be a little bit different for you.” he said. 

“You’re right.” you replied. Maybe you were being too hard on yourself, but it was hard not to. You wondered what Neville would say if he knew you could perform the spells better without a wand. Maybe he’d think differently. But, you weren’t ready to open up to anyone about that. You were still trying to figure yourself out. 

The two of you entered the Great Hall and you admired the Halloween decorations that were spread out across the room. There were pumpkins floating from the ceiling, along with the candles, and it was quite beautiful. The two of you were definitely late for dinner since there weren’t many people left in the Hall, but thankfully there was still plenty of food. 

“Almost missed the Halloween feast.” Neville said as the two of you sat down at the Gryffindor table. 

“Do people really dress up for Halloween? I’ve read about it in books, but I’ve never experienced one.” you said. 

“That’s right! Yes, quite a few people do. I know it’s much more common when you’re younger, but it’s still fun to do so as you grow old.” he said. 

“Where’s your costume, then?” you asked with a smile while putting some food on your plate. 

“I haven’t gotten one this year.” he said before taking a bite of his food. 

“That’s alright, neither do I.” you said. 

The two of you finished up eating and started to make your way back to the Gryffindor common room. “I think I’m going to practice my wand movements when we get back.” you said as the two of you walked. 

“Good luck with that, I doubt you’ll be able to focus.” Neville replied. 

“What do you mean by that?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“I’ve been a Gryffindor for six years, and every year they have a Halloween party. Trust me, you’ll want to be joining that instead of practicing wand movements.” he laughed. 

You felt your heart rate pick up with excitement. “A party? That sounds fun, then.” you said. 

“Just don’t get too wasted, Fred and George really like to stock up on liquor for these parties.” Neville said. “Lee Jordan and them really know the hook up for that kind of stuff.” 

“Someone’s gotta.” you laughed as the two of you climbed one of the staircases to the Gryffindor common room. “Do you think it’s already started?” 

“Most likely, it is getting late.” Neville said before saying the password to the portrait guarding the entrance. 

As soon as the painting swung open, the two of you were greeted by the sound of music and chatting Gryffindors. Seamus spotted you and Neville immediately and waved you over. 

“Nice of you to finally show up!” he joked. 

“Sorry, got stuck at one of the greenhouses doing some extra work for Professor Sprout.” Neville said. 

“The two of you? I’m so sure.” Seamus winked and Neville went red in the face.

“No, not like that.” Neville said, but Seamus ignored him. 

“We’ve got to get some drinks in the two of ya. Where’s Dean?” Seamus turned around and looked for his friend. “Ah, no matter.” he shrugged and offered you his bottle. 

“I can just get my own, it’s alright.” you laughed. 

“Where are your costumes?” came an airy voice from over your shoulder. You turned your head to see Luna standing behind you. 

“I didn’t know there was a party tonight, I didn’t come prepared.” you said. 

“Oh, that’s alright. Here, do you want to be a unicorn or a cat?” Luna held out two headbands before you, one was black with black cat ears and the other was silver and glittery with horse ears and a unicorn horn. 

“I’ll take the cat.” you said, and Luna handed you the headband. You slipped it on and she smiled at you. 

“You make a great cat.” she said. “Looks like you’re going to be a unicorn, Neville.” Luna held out the headband and Neville took it reluctantly. 

“Do I have to be?” he asked. 

“Come on, Neville. It’s Halloween.” you said. 

“Yeah, Neville. That’s what you get for not having a costume.” Seamus laughed, nudging him with his elbow. 

“Alright, alright.” Neville said, putting the headband on. 

“You look handsome.” Luna said, smiling at him. 

“Unicorn is a good look for you!” Seamus said, ruffling Neville’s hair. 

You smiled at your friends. “I’m going to go grab a drink real quick.” you said. 

Luna nodded and you made your way through the heart of the common room, pushing past people in costumes as they danced to music or talked in groups. You scanned the room, noticing Ron with Lavender and Dean and Ginny dancing together. You spotted Lee Jordan in the corner with a barrel of butterbeer and made your way over to him. 

“May I?” you asked. 

“Of course, let me get you a drink. A lady should never have to pour her own drink!” Lee said, grabbing a cup and beginning to fill it for you. 

“Thanks.” you said with a giggle. Lee handed you the cup and you gave him a nod. 

You turned back towards the crowd and scanned for a familiar face. You saw Hermione and Harry talking to each other across the way and you felt your stomach drop. Hermione glanced over at you and you felt your anxiety start to creep in. You quickly looked away and disappeared into the crowd of Gryffindors, pushing through to the other side of the room so that you could sit on one of the armchairs by the fire. You sighed once seeing that they were all occupied, but there was an empty spot open on the couch next to a pair of seventh years making out. You sat down, trying your best to be as far from them as you could. You looked down at your drink and swirled it around in your cup, wishing your anxiety would go away. 

“This isn’t a place to be during a party.” you heard someone say, and you looked up to see one of the Weasley twins looking down at you. 

“Oh, I’m just-” you started, but he cut you off. 

“No need to explain. Want to go somewhere a bit more quiet?” he asked, and you nodded. He reached out his hand and you took it as he helped you off the couch. 

Still holding his hand, you followed who you assumed was George along one of the walls in the common room, and then up towards the dorms. He led you up the stairs and stopped in front of a door. “Everyone’s downstairs, you don’t have to worry about anyone bothering you in here.” he said, turning to you before opening the door. You nodded and followed him inside. For a boy’s dormitory, you were quite surprised by how well kept and clean it was. George sat down on his bed, and motioned for you to do the same. “You alright?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” you said, not wanting to open up to him. 

“Good, just checking.” he said. “You’re not drunk, are you?” he asked. 

“What? No, I’ve only taken a sip of my drink. Why?” you asked, eyeing him. 

“Just wondering. You know, I’ve always thought you were quite pretty.” he said, pulling something out of his bedside table. You watched as he grinded up some marijuana and poured it into a paper. “And you make such an adorable kitten.”

“Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself.” you said with a little laugh. 

“We’ve got a joker on our hands, I see.” George said as he rolled the joint up and put it between his lips. “You know, usually I’m the one cracking jokes.”

“I guess we’re switching positions for tonight, then.” you said as he lit the joint and took a deep inhale. 

“Oh yeah? And what sort of positions are we switching?” he asked, and you felt yourself blush. 

“I guess you’ll have to show me.” you said, and he raised an eyebrow at you. 

“I’d love to show you, darling.” he offered you the joint, but you declined. 

“I’m a little anxious, sorry.” you said. 

“Nothing to be sorry about.” George said, taking another inhale. He scooted closer to you and put a hand on your back. He slowly started to rub it as he smoked, and you felt yourself relax a little bit. “I’m sorry you’re anxious. We don’t have to, you know, if you don’t want to.” 

“No, it’s ok. I want to. It has nothing to do with you, don’t worry.” you said. “School is just stressful.” you lied. 

“I get that.” he said, taking one last inhale before putting his joint out. 

“Nevermind all of that, though.” you said, scooting towards George on the bed.

He leaned in towards you and cupped your face with his hand. “Nevermind that indeed.” he said, before leaning in to kiss you. He pulled away and looked at you with a smirk. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.” 

You wondered if he meant he’d been wanting to do that since the last time the two of you kissed, but you didn’t ask. George was too quick with going back in for another kiss before you could say anything. He had one of his hands inching up your skirt while he kissed you, and you could already feel yourself growing wet with excitement. George squeezed your thigh before moving his hand up a bit more, brushing your outer lips through your underwear with one of his fingers. 

“My, already wet are we?” he said softly into your mouth, and you nodded. “Ah, good girl.” he said and the praise made you moan quietly. George stood from the bed and started to take his pants off. You went for your skirt but he stopped you. “No, no. Keep it on, princess. The cat ears, too.” You nodded and went for your top instead, exposing your breasts to him. George was now fully naked, and you licked your lips in anticipation. His cock was hard and almost throbbing, craving to be inside you. 

“Now, flip over for me and let me see you from behind.” he said, and you did what you were told. You got on your hands and knees and presented yourself to him. You heard George let out a small moan at the sight of you, and felt him start to pet your wet area. “I’ve masterbated to the thought of this many times.” he said before moving your underwear to the side and putting a finger inside you. You let out a low moan and he leaned over you to whisper in your ear. “You like that, don’t you?” you nodded. “Do you think you can take my entire cock?” he asked, and you nodded again. 

You felt George press the tip of his cock against your lips, and you waited with anticipation. “If it hurts too much, just tell me. I know I’m big and I don’t want to hurt your pretty pussy.” he said. He grabbed your hips and slowly inserted himself into you. You let out a low moan as he did, and he gently started to pump his cock in and out of you. You dug your fingers into the sheets of the bed and held on as George started to pick up his pace. “You take me so well, sweetheart.” he said and you moaned as he brought his fingers to your clit and started to rub them. 

“George…” you moaned his name, feeling your orgasm starting to build, but right before you could cum he stopped playing with your clit and started to roughly fuck you. You were losing your balance so he pushed your head down into the mattress and continued to fuck you as you moaned into the bed. 

“You’re so fucking hot.” he said, and pumped a few more times before letting out a low moan and stopping. He pulled himself out of you, and you felt his cum start to drip down your legs. You stayed in the position you were in, a bit disappointed that he didn’t let you finish. You felt him wipe the cum off your legs before lying down on the bed next to you. 

You rolled over and sat up, looking for your shirt. You picked it up off the ground and started to put it on while he continued to lie on the bed naked. He looked up at you and smiled. “I’m not George, by the way.” he said, and you felt your stomach drop. 

“What?” you asked. 

“You moaned George’s name, but I’m not George.” he laughed. “I’m Fred.” You took a step back, a bit surprised. “George told me what the two of you did in the Room of Requirement. I won’t lie, I was a bit jealous he got to you before me.”

“Merlin, you couldn’t tell me you weren’t George?” you asked, a little annoyed. 

“I figured you could tell the two of us apart.” he shrugged. 

“No, of course not.” you said, turning towards the door. Was that why he denied you an orgasm? Because you moaned his brother’s name?

“Well, if you ever want to fool around again, you know where to find me, princess. I’d pound that pussy every day if I could. You’re so tight.” he said, sitting up in the bed. 

“You really know how to talk to a lady.” you replied, rolling your eyes before leaving the room. 

You immediately made your way to your dorm, not wanting to go back to the party. You thought you were growing fond of George, but now it seemed like you were just a game to him. Why would he tell his brother what the two of you did? Were they in competition or something? Yes, you enjoyed the sex you had with Fred, but you couldn’t help but be a bit annoyed. 

You entered your room and was thankful that everyone was still down at the party. You slipped off your clothes and got into bed, still wishing that things could be different. You were so excited to get out of your house and live life, but life hadn’t been so welcoming the last few weeks. You hoped it would get better, and soon drifted off to sleep. 


	12. Still Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for over a month...and sorry this is kind of short. I know y'all deserve a longer chapter. I hope you still like it.

It was Monday morning, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t still sore from what you and Fred had done on Halloween night. Though you were still annoyed with him for not telling you he was George, you had other things to worry about. You figured you’d deal with him and his brother later. 

Hermione and Harry still weren’t talking to you, and each day hurt more than the last. You slugged your way down to the Great Hall for breakfast, not feeling enthusiastic for the day ahead of you. You sat with Neville, Dean, and Seamus, but hardly paid attention to their conversation. You were thankful they hadn’t noticed how distant you were being, leaving you to drown out the noise of the Great Hall while your thoughts took over. 

You went to take a bite of your toast and noticed that Seamus had immediately gone silent. You looked up to see him staring at something behind you. You raised an eyebrow and turned to see Snape looking down at you with his cold eyes. 

“Ms. Carrow.” he said in his low voice. 

“Yes, sir?” you asked. 

“You’re with me this morning.” he said. 

“I thought I was with Professor McGonagall-” you started, but Snape picked you up by your robe and brought you to your feet. 

“Now.” he said before starting to make his way out of the Great Hall. 

You looked down at your friends. “Good luck with that.” Seamus mumbled.

You nodded, not wanting to keep Snape waiting. He was already in a bad mood, so you figured you’d try your best to keep it from getting worse. You practically jogged out of the Great Hall trying to catch up with him. You finally reached his side, but he did not turn to acknowledge you. You kept up as you followed Snape down into his office. He didn’t even hold the door open for you as he walked in, almost hitting you as you tried to keep up behind him. You glanced around and noticed that all of the glass vials that usually lined the shelves were absent. 

Snape turned to you and folded his arms. “Dumbledore has asked me to try and get an idea of how powerful you are.” He paused for a moment. “Before you accidentally hurt someone, or yourself.” 

“So, no wand today?” you asked. 

Snape didn’t respond. Instead, he flicked his wand and a wooden dummy appeared in the middle of the room. “It seems to me that you have studied spells before and are aware of a few physical ones.” You nodded and he continued. “Then why don’t you practice them.” 

You felt uneasy as he stared you down. “Um, alright.” you said before walking over to the dummy. “Stupify.” you said simply, and the dummy was knocked back. 

“Weak.” Snape said from behind you. You closed your eyes and refused to turn towards him. “Try something else.” he said. 

“Fine.” you replied, still not turning to look at him. “Aerem suffocat.” you said, watching the dummy slam against a wall and then immediately be lifted up towards the ceiling. 

“Something more.” Snape said, sounding almost like he was bored with you. 

“Praemium.” you shouted at the dummy. It exploded into pieces and fell to the floor. “Is that good enough for you?” you asked, turning to face Snape. He held no emotion on his face. 

“I’m sure you could do better.” He said, waving his wand. The pieces of the shattered dummy started to form back together. 

“I don’t know what you want from me.” you said, feeling frustrated. 

“Are you stupid, girl? I already told you.” Snape said in his low voice. 

You felt yourself go red in the face. “I’m not stupid.” you hissed, turning to face the dummy. You closed your eyes and tried to take deep breaths, but you were feeling your temper rise. You lifted your hand at the dummy. “Percutiens.” you said, and an electric current came from your fingers and striked the object. You watched as it caught on fire and fell to the floor. 

“Interesting.” Snape said to himself, but you heard him. 

“What’s so interesting?” you snapped back. 

“Don’t get an attitude with me, Ms. Carrow.” Snape said. 

“It’s kind of hard not to when you’re insulting me and making me feel incompetent.” you replied, crossing your arms as the dummy behind you continued to burn up. Snape stayed silent, which only made you angrier. “Why won’t anyone tell me anything?” you snapped. 

“You don’t need to know everything, girl. You’re still new to this world. What you don’t know could keep you safe, which is Dumbledore’s goal-” Snape started but you cut him off. 

“But I want to know. I’m fucking tired of being in the dark. It’s been too long. After being locked in my room all those years, I’m finally out and I still feel like I’m stuck in there.” you shouted at him. 

“Don’t you-” Snape began, but you stopped him. 

“Don’t what?” you shouted. “I’m tired of this.” you let out a shriek, and an electric current started to come from your body. With a shrill scream, you released it and struck the wooden shelves of his office. They immediately caught on fire and you stepped back in shock. Snape lifted his wand quickly, casting a water spell to put the fire out. You turned to look at him, still unsure of how you did what you had just done.

“Get out.” Snape said quietly. “Now.” 

You didn’t wait to be told twice. You immediately left, letting the door slam behind you. You chewed at your lip as you quickly walked through the hall and back towards the Gryffindor common room. “What the hell was that?” you thought to yourself. You had never done anything like it, and were unsure of how you even managed to do it. Was it brought on by your anger and frustration? You stopped and leaned against a wall. You let yourself slide down and cradled your knees as you sat on the floor. Two Slytherin girls walked by, whispering as they noticed you on the ground. You didn’t even bother looking up, you couldn’t stop thinking about what you had just done. 

Were you actually dangerous? You didn’t realize your uncommon magic casting habits could be more than just a weird way to perform spells. How would you ever be able to learn more about it, anyways? It seemed like every time you got upset you ended up ruining something. Your mind started to race. Thankfully, your anger had always been redirected towards an object instead of a fellow human. But, what if someone pissed you off so much that you accidentally attacked them? 

“You alright?” a voice asked. You looked up to see one of the Weasley twins looking down at you. 

“Who’s asking?” you replied, feeling irritated. You hadn’t forgotten what happened between you and Fred. What horrible timing. 

“Uh, me.” he said, offering his hand to help you up. “George, of course.” 

You looked at his outstretched hand. “Get lost.” you mumbled. He looked taken aback. 

“What’s the matter?” he asked, sitting down next to you. 

“As if you care.” you snapped, scooting away from him. 

“But, I do care.” he said. 

“No, you just care about messing around with me and telling your brother.” you said, standing up. You felt powerful as you looked down on him. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.” he said. 

“Offend me? It wouldn’t be so offensive if my pussy didn’t feel like a game between you two.” you snapped. 

“What are you talking about?” George asked. 

“Freddie didn’t tell you?” you asked, feeling a new wave of anger rush over you. George didn’t reply, so you continued. “He fucked me. And you know what’s worse? I thought it was you.” 

“What-?” George started but you didn’t wait for him to say anything else. You turned on your heel and started to walk quickly down the corridor. “Carrow, wait!” you heard him call after you, but you didn’t turn back. 

Tears were forming in your eyes, and you tried to blink them away as you ran off from George. You didn’t want to turn around to see if he was following you, and prayed that he would just leave you alone. After turning down a few different corridors, you found an empty one and sat on a window sill. You wished you had someone to talk to, but you didn’t trust anyone. Harry and Hermione were acting weird, Draco practically hated you, and none of the professors would be honest with you even if you did want to talk to them. It was ironic, you thought to yourself with a laugh. 

No longer trapped in your room, now surrounded by people, and yet you still felt so alone. 


	13. Friends and Feeling Alone

The following morning you woke up with a fire burning inside you. You had spent the previous day feeling sad and alone, and over night you had grown tired of it. Instead of mulling around in your sadness, you decided to pull yourself out of it. And your first step would be figuring out why Harry and Hermione were ignoring you. 

You sat up in bed and quickly realized you had slept through breakfast. All your roommates had already left, their beds neatly made. You didn’t mind, though. It was nice to have the room to yourself, the silence was peaceful and you didn’t have to worry about Hermione obviously avoiding you. 

Everyone was in their first period class already, and knowing that you weren’t meeting up with Professor Flitwick for private lessons until later that afternoon, you decided to go walk around the castle for a bit. It was pouring rain outside and you enjoyed the sound of the drops hitting hard against the castle windows as you walked past. 

You heard a door close down the hall and look over, catching a glimpse of Gryffindor robes. You decided to walk towards the fellow Gryffindor, picking up your pace once seeing them go around a corner. You caught another glimpse of them as they walked into one of the boy’s bathrooms, this time seeing jet black hair sticking up in a messy but still somehow neat way. You didn’t even pause to consider the fact that you were about to follow Harry Potter into the boys bathroom before going in after him. You closed the door gently and walked over towards the sinks. You folded your arms and leaned up against one of them while waiting for him to come out of the stall. The toilet flushed and Harry walked out, looking shocked once he realized he wasn’t alone. 

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

“I need to know why you’ve been ignoring me.” you said, still with your arms crossed. 

“I haven’t been ignoring you, what are you talking about?” he asked, walking over to the sink furthest from you to wash his hands. 

“I’m not stupid, so don’t act like I am. You and Hermione have been acting super strange towards me for a while now.” you replied. “I thought we were friends, what the hell happened to that?” 

“We are friends-” Harry started, but you cut him off. 

“I’m pretty sure friends don’t treat each other the way you have been treating me.” you snapped. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was coming off so cold.” he apologized. 

“Seriously?” you took a step towards him. “You must be pretty thick to think you can act like this and not give me a reason why. I am tired of it.” you turned towards the door. “What is with these men?” you asked yourself out loud. 

“Huh?” Harry asked. 

“You’re all so stupid.” you replied, before leaving the bathroom and slamming the door shut. 

You felt somewhat bad for what you had said, but it was the truth. The men at Hogwarts kept letting you down. The Weasley twins, Malfoy, and Harry had all proven to be idiots. Maybe you should have just kept to yourself today instead. You felt tears start to well in your eyes as you made your way back to the Gryffindor common room. You wiped the few that started to roll down your cheeks as you said the password to the portrait. The common room was empty, at least you thought it was until you saw George sitting on one of the couches. He turned to look at you and immediately stood up. 

“Oh Merlin, not you of all people.” you groaned. 

“Look, I knew you don’t have classes like we do so I was hoping I might run into you. I wanted to-” he stopped once he realized you were crying. “Are you ok?”

“You're like, the worst person for me to run into right now.” you said, trying to pull yourself together. 

“I know you probably don’t want to see me, but I needed to apologize to you. Everything was just a misunderstanding.” he said, trying to reach out to you with his hand but you stepped back. 

“I’m already in a bad mood, please don’t make it worse.” you said. 

“If you want me to leave you alone I will.” he said. 

You looked up at him, his brown eyes were so warm and inviting. “I’m just irritated and everything seems to keep getting worse.” you said. 

“I’m sorry.” he said, this time keeping his distance. “I know I am part of the problem, and I just wanted to explain myself to you if that’s alright. It might help you feel a little better.” 

“Sure.” you replied, a little sassy. 

“Yes, I told Fred what happened between us. But not because I wanted to brag. I was seriously into you, and I was excited that I finally got the chance to spend time with you and...well you know. Anyone would be excited to do anything with you, especially what we did.” He paused and cleared his throat. You could tell he was nervous. “Fred was into you too, I guess. He was jealous and wanted to piss me off. And he did, trust me. I was hurt too. I thought we were maybe going to turn into something. And I still have feelings for you.” 

“I honestly don’t know if I have the current mental capacity to try and build a relationship with someone, I’m sorry.” you watched as whatever hopeful spark he had in his eyes immediately died. “And don’t blame yourself or Fred because I think even if things had gone differently I’d still feel the same way. I have way too much going on. I’m so exhausted, George. Every day is something different. I just want some sort of routine in my life, literally anything.” 

“I’m really sorry everything has been so stressful for you, and I’m sorry I’m one of the reasons you’ve been stressed out. You don’t have to apologize to me, I understand. If anything, I just hope we can be friends.” George replied. 

You smiled slightly. “Of course we can be friends.” You wanted to tell him that a friend was what you needed most. You were tired of feeling so alone. 

“Come here.” George said with a smile. He pulled you in for a hug, and you let him. You took a deep breath with your head buried in his chest. He smelled like campfire and an early autumn morning. You let him hold you for a few more seconds, keeping your eyes closed. It was refreshing, but he broke off the contact. “Can’t hug for too long.” he laughed. “Or else it’ll be impossible for me to get over you.”

You rolled your eyes and gave him another small smile. “Thank you for that, and thank you for apologizing. I’m glad things won’t have to be weird between us anymore.” 

“Me too.” he replied. 

“You should probably get going to whatever class you’re currently skipping.” you said, and he laughed. 

“You’re probably right. I’ll catch you later, Carrow.” he said, giving your shoulder a squeeze. You watched him disappear as he exited the common room with a smile still planted across your face. 

-

“You’re doing quite well Ms. Carrow, I do believe we can call it a day.” Professor Flitwick squeaked. 

You had just spent the last three hours trying to levitate a stack of books with your wand. You glanced outside and realized it had gotten dark. “You mean call it a night, Professor?” you asked with a laugh. 

He glanced at the window and looked surprised. “Oh my, I’m sorry for keeping you so late. I really did let time get the best of us.” 

“It’s alright.” you smiled, feeling a little accomplished. Though it took three hours, you were finally able to levitate the books with your wand. You stood from the desk and slipped your wand into your pocket. 

“Now make sure to keep practicing. I can tell you have been, and it’s paying off!” Flitwick said enthusiastically as he walked you to the door. 

“I will Professor, I promise.” you said. 

“Good, good!” Professor Flitwick said as he swung the door open for you. He jumped slightly and you looked up to see Professor Dumbledore standing in front of the two of you. “Well hello, Albus!” Flitwick said, sounding surprised. 

“Good evening, Filius.” Dumbledore replied. “I was just wandering the halls when something led me down this way.” 

“Is that so?” Flitwick asked. 

“Yes, and that something led me to the two of you. Which I am glad for, since sometimes I do find myself in odd situations.” Dumbledore paused. The man was a bit weird, you couldn’t deny it. “One time I came across a room that I had never seen before. Got lost inside it for a few hours, but luckily I found my way out. Since then, I haven’t been able to find it.” Both you and Professor Flitwick stayed silent, unsure of what to say. “Anyways, I hope you had a great lesson. Ms. Carrow, would you like to accompany me?” 

  
“Um, sure.” you said goodbye to Professor Flitwick and joined Dumbledore. He walked gracefully and was easy to keep up with, unlike Professor Snape who had you panting while trying to stay by his side. 

“Professor Snape told me what happened the last time the two of you were together, and I’m quite impressed.” he said. “Did you know you could do that?” 

You were surprised he was jumping so quickly into the conversation and wondered if it had been on his mind. “No, sir. I didn’t know.” 

“I didn’t think so.” you waited for him to say more, but he stayed quiet. The two of you walked in silence for a few minutes. You wanted to ask him questions, and figured now would be the time to do so. If anything, he’d just tell you what everyone else had: nothing. So why not?

“Professor, can I ask you something?” 

“Yes you may, Ms. Carrow.” he replied. 

“Is whatever I did in Snape’s office something to worry about?” you asked. 

“It may be, perhaps. If Voldemort knew, I’m sure he’d be even more interested in using your power for his own personal gain.” he replied. 

You felt your heart start to beat a little faster. “Why would he want to use me? Isn’t he already powerful?” 

“He’s powerful, but not as much as he once was. He was incredibly weakened on the night he tried to kill Harry Potter.” Dumbledore said. 

You stopped walking. “Why did he want to kill Harry?” you asked. 

Dumbledore didn’t stop, but continued down the hall at a slow pace. “Because he was fearful of how powerful Mr. Potter would become.” 

“Does that mean he might want to kill me too?” 

Dumbledore stopped for a moment, but did not turn to face you. 

“For your sake, I truly hope not.” he said, before continuing down the corridor, leaving you standing there alone. 


	14. Forbidden Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has bookmarked this story and continues to keep up with it. I appreciate you all so much!

Snape had plucked you out from the crowd before you could even enter the Great Hall for breakfast that morning. His voice boomed over the chatting students and you felt your shoulders tighten when you heard him call your name. Neville grimaced too, and Seamus gave you a slightly supportive nod. 

“I’m already fucked, aren’t I?” you said, and the two of them shook their head in agreement. “Great..” your voice trailed off before turning to face your Professor. 

“Come.” he said, and immediately turned on his heel and started to walk away. You didn’t like being talked to as if you were a dog, but when it came to Professor Snape, there wasn’t much you could do. You didn’t even take time to say goodbye to your friends, you were sure by now they understood. You pushed past students trying to keep up with the black-haired man while wondering what kind of torture you’d be in for today. You wanted to mention to him that you hadn’t even had the chance to eat breakfast, but you knew he wouldn’t care. 

As you tried to keep up, you realized that he wasn’t heading in the direction of his office. “Sir?” you asked, but he didn’t respond. “Aren’t we going to your office?” 

“You’ve ruined my office enough.” he replied. “I don’t want to clean up after you anymore.” 

You decided to stay silent, though you were confused by him complaining about having to clean up after you. He used magic, after all. It wasn’t really a clean up, it was more like a swish of a wand and everything was fixed. Oh well, better not to get in an argument before lessons start. 

Snape pushed past a door that led outside, and you followed him out onto the castle grounds. He walked quickly across the well kept green grass and marched straight for the Forbidden Forest. You raised an eyebrow, a little bit worried. People had said dangerous things lived in there...but then again you guessed you were a little dangerous too. You listened as twigs snapped under both your feet as he led you further into the forest. It grew darker and damper, and you were occasionally accompanied by the sound of bushes rustling nearby or a bird singing it’s morning tune. 

Professor Snape stopped abruptly, catching you off guard. He turned dramatically to look at you. “Dumbledore wants us to get a better understanding of what you did the last time we were together.” he said. 

“I’m honestly not even sure how I did that.” you admitted. All you knew was it was brought on by anger. What was he going to do, harass you until you did something similar? 

“You will figure it out.” he said, stepping back. “And this time, you won’t be ruining anything in my office. It’s much safer out here for when you lose control, especially since you seem to do it so often.” 

You felt a little bit of anger start to brew inside you. “Great.” you replied through gritted teeth. 

Snape ignored your tone and waved his wand. You watched as targets appeared on the trees around you. You felt like you were on a battle ground and your heart rate started to pick up. Surely this was not a common practice for other Hogwarts students. 

“Try to hit only the targeted trees with the same electrocurrent you had used before. No less, and no more. This will help me get an idea of how much control you have.” Snape took a few steps back so that he was no longer near any of the trees you were supposed to strike. 

You hated the feeling of being watched while trying to perform magic, especially by Severus Snape of all people. You turned your back to him and lifted your hand. You pointed to one of the trees and a weak electro shock came from your fingers and then died down. You had hoped he didn’t see anything and repeated the action again, this time the shock being a little bigger. It reached out to one of the trees and died before it could touch it. You chewed at your lip, feeling a little annoyed. You didn’t want Snape verbally abusing you, so you continued to try and strike the tree. 

With no success, but thankful that Snape had kept his mouth shut, you stopped for a moment to think. If anger was what had made you so powerful before, maybe you needed to make yourself angry. You started to think about Harry and Hermione and how they had been such promising friends, only to turn their backs on you and make you feel alone. You lifted your hand and successfully sent an electric shock towards one of the trees. You watched as the area inflicted had smoke rising from it and a small smile started to stretch across your lips. 

This was going to be a lot easier than you thought. 

You lifted both hands this time and thought of how Fred had tricked you and left you feeling stupid and embarrassed. A stronger current came from both hands, and you let out a manic laugh. You then thought about Draco Malfoy and how much of a complete asshole he had been to you since you set foot at Hogwarts. Again, you lifted both hands but this time struck multiple trees at once. Your body was warming up, it felt as if fire was burning inside of you and trying to get out. You touched your hand to your head, just to make sure flames weren’t seeping out of your skull. 

You turned to look at Snape, but he remained quiet. You wondered why, but weren’t about to ask. The longer he kept his mouth shut, the happier you’d be. You turned your back to him again and continued to throw electric shocks at the trees surrounding you. It was fun in a weird way. You felt as if you were finally letting off steam after having so many things eat at you. Like someone going for a jog to relieve stress, but this was so much better. You focused both hands at one tree and watched as the tree as well as many surrounding it snapped in half and fell to the forest floor. You were a bit surprised, but could care less. You turned your head slightly to look at Snape again, but he didn’t seem upset about what you had done. 

You were impressed with yourself, but wanted more. It was easy to access your anger, especially after bottling it up all those years of your life. You thought of your mother and how she kept you locked away. She hid you from the world and could hardly stand to look at you herself. Why did she even have a child when she clearly didn’t want one? And ever since you made it out of that room, no one would give you any answers. Your life had been shrouded in secrecy. Every adult you asked would turn away from you, continuing to keep you in the dark. What was there to hide? 

Bringing your hands to your chest, you started to feel yourself sob. You bent over and let out a scream, and the heat that had been bursting inside of you was released. You heard Snape shout and you opened your eyes to see all the surrounding trees on fire. You watched as the trees burned quickly and the fire started to travel. You looked for your Professor but could not see anything past the flames because they were so high. You immediately regretted what you had done, cursing yourself for what was happening. 

A gap in the fire appeared, and Snape came rushing through. He grabbed you by your cloak and started to run towards the castle. The fire continued to rage behind you, but you didn’t want to look back. Your eyes were on the ground as you ran behind him, looking out for any tree roots that you might stumble on. Daylight started to peek through the trees and soon you were out of the forest. The students who had been eating breakfast in the Great Hall had poured out to see what was happening. Professor McGonagall grabbed you and pulled you into her arms as you started to sob. The other professors quickly went to work as they tried to cast spells in order to put out the fire. You kept your face buried in McGonagall’s robes, scared to look at everyone watching you. There was no way people didn’t recognize you.

You heard footsteps approaching. “Is she ok?” you heard Neville ask. Professor McGonagall didn’t say anything, so you lifted your head to look at your friend. “What happened?” he asked with concern painted across his face. Seamus and Dean were beside him, both looking amazed and confused. 

“I am going to escort Ms. Carrow to the Hospital Wing, Longbottom.” McGonagall replied. “Your questions will have to wait.” 

He nodded his head and Professor McGonagall started to lead you back towards the castle. You walked past the students with your head down, trying your best not to make eye contact with anyone. 

You assumed the rumors from this would start immediately. 

-

Madam Promfrey tried to keep you overnight, but you refused. You weren’t injured, only a bit shaken up, so you didn’t see the point. Though you somewhat wished you could hide in the Hospital Wing the rest of the year, you knew it was better to face your classmates sooner rather than later. The longer you stayed hidden, the more people would assume. 

You were making your way back to the Gryffindor Common Room with less than pep in your step. You took your time, trying to enjoy the emptiness of the halls. It was late and you were thankful that you were able to eat at the Hospital Wing instead of in the Great Hall. You were sure Neville, Seamus, and Dean were wondering if you were ok and were thankful not to have to deal with them asking you a million questions. You had some time to relax and think about what you were going to say if people had asked any questions. You planned on making it as broad as you could and blaming the fire on your poor wand handling skills. People would probably buy it, especially since you were so new to everything. Hopefully they would, at least. 

Just as you were about to step on one of the floating staircases, someone grabbed the back of your robes. You let out a quick yelp as you were pulled around the corner and slammed up against a wall. You hit your head so hard that your vision grew blurry for a moment. It started to focus and you realized the person who had a hold of you was none other than Draco Malfoy. 

“Nice to see you.” you groaned as he let up on his grip. 

“You need to get a hold of yourself, Carrow.” he hissed. 

“Oh, so you saw the fire show.” you replied and he rolled his eyes. 

“I have enough on my plate to be worrying about you.” he said. 

“Seems like you’re making room for it though.” you replied, and Draco got in your face again. 

“That’s the problem.” he said, his breath hot on your face. “I don’t need to be babysitting you and keeping you out of trouble.” 

“First of all,” you started, pushing him back with both hands, “you should probably try and be a little nicer to me. I mean, you’re part of the reason that fire started.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” he snapped.

“You wouldn’t care. Every time I’ve tried to talk to you, you ignore me anyways.” you said back, starting to walk away from him. 

“I’m not finished talking to you.” he snapped, reaching for your arm. 

You moved away from him quickly. “It doesn’t feel good, does it?” you asked. “I thought you’d be there for me, but you’ve let me down. I don’t owe you a minute of my time.” 

“Who gave you the confidence-?” Draco asked with sarcasm in his voice. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have been so mean to me.” you replied simply before successfully walking away from him. You climbed one of the staircases and it started to float upwards. You watched Draco round the corner and stop to look at you. It felt good to be looking down on him, you were almost tempted to flip him off. “Nah, too much.” you thought to yourself. 

You said the password to the Fat Lady and her portrait swung open. You took a deep breath before walking through it, fearful of what you may encounter. Thankfully there weren’t many people in the common room, but people still stared as you passed by. You walked briskly through, not wanting to draw too much attention to yourself.You climbed the steps to your room and entered, unhappy to see that all your roommates were still awake. Lavender sat up on her bed quickly and so did Parvati. Hermione had her nose in a book, probably pretending like she didn’t notice you. 

“Are you ok?” Lavender asked as you sat down on your bed. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” you replied. 

“We were all so worried about you.” Parvati chimed in. 

“Nothing to worry about, I promise.” you said. “Thank you for the concern, though.” 

“Everyone’s been wondering what was going on.” Parvati said. 

“Yeah, like why were you alone in the Forbidden Forest with Professor Snape?” Lavender asked. 

You noticed Hermione shift on her bed. Her eyes were no longer moving along the lines of her book. You could tell she was paying attention to the conversation. “If you want the truth, I get private lessons from a few of the professors since I’m so far behind. Snape is teaching me defensive spells. I’m not good with my wand yet and have destroyed his office a few times, so we went out to the Forest today. I made a mistake and next thing I knew, everything around me was on fire.” 

“Wow…” Lavender said. “Lucky Snape was there to help you out of it.” 

“Yeah, I guess he isn’t  _ that _ bad.” you said with a small smile. You were glad they believed your story. 

“What defensive spell were you practicing that could have caused a fire like that?” Hermione asked. 

“I-uh-” you were caught off guard by her question, but thankful that Lavender chimed in. 

“Who cares, Hermione. Just be glad she’s ok.” she snapped. You assumed they were still pissed off at each other. Hermione glared at her and went back to her book. “You should get some rest, it’s been a long day for you.” Lavender said, turning her attention back to you. 

“Thanks, I guess I probably should.” you said. You started to draw the curtains around your bed. “I’ll see you guys in the morning.” you said before closing them. You stripped off your clothes and crawled into bed. You were thankful that Christmas was coming up because you were starting to get tired of all the drama happening at Hogwarts. Maybe you’d be able to catch a break during the holiday, even if it had to be spent at Malfoy Manor. 


	15. Be Careful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning that this chapter contains smut for those who don't like to read it.

The next week or so you tried your best to keep a low profile. Just as you assumed, Hermione still stuck her nose up at you and Harry had no intentions of acting friendly either. You figured Ron and Lavender had broken up though since Lavender had cried herself to sleep the last few nights while Parvati tried to comfort her. People had stopped staring at you whenever you were out and about, which you were thankful for. You had already been asked by what seemed like a million people what happened, and you told everyone the same story you had told Lavender and Parvati. Fred and George seemed to think it was a prank, though, and congratulated you on the chaos. You just shrugged and smiled. Your professors had pretended like nothing happened and continued with your lessons, besides Snape. You hadn’t worked with him since the fire but weren’t complaining, you were glad to just see McGonagall and Flitwick.

Everything felt like it was going back to normal, especially since everyone was so focused on studying for their exams. The holiday break was just around the corner and it seemed as though the entirety of the castle was filled with Christmas cheer. Snow had fallen and coated the grounds which made quite a beautiful sight, and the entire castle was decorated with beautiful lights, candles, and tall evergreen trees covered in ornaments. There were also quite a few decorations dedicated to those who celebrated Hanukkah, and you were glad to see the blue, white, and gold representation. Everything mixed together so beautifully, it made it hard to be in a bad mood wherever you found yourself in the castle. 

Your last day at Hogwarts before Christmas break had finally come and you weren’t so sure how to feel. Everyone who was going home for the holidays had their things packed and lined up, ready for the train ride back. You were making your way to the Great Hall for your last meal before the trip back, but was stopped by Professor McGonagall before you could make it through the door. You groaned internally since you had been looking forward to eating. 

“Dumbledore would like to see you in his office, Ms. Carrow.” she said stiffly. 

“Am I in trouble?” you asked, feeling slightly stupid. You knew you hadn’t done anything, it was just your first reaction. Well, you did set the Forest on fire, but he already knew that.

“Hurry along now, you don’t want to miss the train ride back.” McGonagall said before walking into the Hall. 

You took one last look at the chattering students as they ate their way through breakfast, felt your stomach grumble sadly, and then started off towards Dumbledore’s office. The walk there was somewhat peaceful since almost everyone was already at breakfast. Each window you passed you made sure to glance out of, getting another look at the snowy landscape. Everything felt right in the moment, even though your time at Hogwarts had been anything but perfect. You didn’t even think about how awkward it was going to be spending your Christmas at Malfoy Manor and planned to stay as hidden as possible. If Draco couldn’t see you, you were sure he wouldn’t go out of his way to find you. 

The statue guarding the stairs for Dumbledore’s office seemed to look down at you as you approached, and with a quick mention of the word ‘lemon drops’ it slowly started to reveal the hidden staircase. You climbed them slowly, still a bit nervous as to why you had been called to see him. You knocked at the door before entering to find the old wizard sitting at his desk while waiting for your arrival. The portraits of past headmasters and headmistresses watched you carefully like before as you made your way over to him. 

“Go ahead and take a seat, Ms. Carrow.” he said, and you did as you were told. You sat directly in front of him, keeping quiet. He leaned slightly forward in his chair and rested his hands on the table. “Are you looking forward to your holiday break?” he asked. You were a little taken aback by the question. Surly Dumbledore hadn’t invited you to his office for some light conversation. You shrugged and nodded your head at him, not really sure what to say. You weren’t in the mood to tell him about your weird relationship with Draco. “Good, good.” he said to your response. He was quiet for a moment before continuing. “Ms. Carrow, I need to ask you to do something.” 

“Yes?” you asked. Time felt like it was moving by painfully slow. 

“I must ask that you stay safe while away from Hogwarts. Do you think you can do that?” he asked. 

“Like, not set anything on fire?” you asked, shifting in your seat. 

“Precisely. It would be in your best interest to not perform any spells while away.” he replied. 

“Do you think something bad will happen?” you asked. 

“I’d like you to recall our previous conversation.” he said. “That will be all.” 

You sat silently, waiting to see if he’d say anything else. “Uh-” you said quietly under your breath, but Dumbledore still had not spoken. “Alright then, see you after the holidays, sir.” you managed to say before standing up and exiting his office. 

It wasn’t hard to remember your last conversation with Dumbledore, especially since it had scared you a bit. The thought of someone wanting to use you to do evil bidding made you sick to your stomach. Perhaps your powers were not yet known by Lord Voldemort, and Dumbledore wanted to keep it that way. 

You hoped for your sake that you were right. 

-

The train ride back was pleasant, especially since you were able to spend it with Dean, Seamus, and Neville. It was nice to listen to them talk and joke around with each other, occasionally bursting into a fit of laughter that would grant you dirty looks from the people in the carriage across from yours. Your three friends made it easy to forget your worries for only just a bit, and for that you were thankful. It was much nicer to ride with them than with Draco and his friends. 

You watched from the window as the train started to approach the station. As it slowed, everyone stood to their feet and started to grab what they had brought on with them. Students were piling into the small hallway, crammed against one another as they tried to get off in a hurry. You felt someone grab the back of your shirt and pull you towards them. You scrambled to stay on your feet as they pulled you into another carriage. They threw you against one of the seats and closed the curtains quickly. It wasn’t hard for you to guess who was manhandling you and weren’t surprised when you looked up to see Draco Malfoy. 

“You’re spending too much time with Gryffindors, it’s embarrassing.” he sneered. 

“That’s how you want to start this conversation?” you asked, raising your eyebrows. “After throwing me around like that?” 

“Longbottom, of all people especially.” Draco ignored what you said and continued on his rant. You watched as he pretended to gag. 

“Neville is sweet, unlike you.” you replied, defending your friend. 

“Oh, so you’re fucking him too?” Draco asked. 

“Why, would that bother you? I think I can fuck whoever I want.” you said. Though you had never had sex with Neville, Draco didn’t know that. You liked pressing his buttons anyways, so might as well let him think it. 

“Whore.” Draco scoffed. 

“Try not to act so jealous.” you rolled your eyes. “I’m sure you wish I was fucking you instead.” 

“Disgusting.” he snapped. 

“Is it?” you taunted him. “That kiss we shared must still be on your mind then.” 

“Shut up.” Draco said. 

“You started it.” you shrugged at him before crossing your arms. “Anyways, why are we hiding in here?” 

“I don’t want to be seen together.” he replied simply. 

“You’re too concerned with your image.” you said. Draco moved towards you and you wondered if he was going to slap you. He held out his arm and you just stared up at him. “What?” you asked. 

“Take hold of my arm, idiot.” he replied without looking at you. You stood from your seated position and rolled your eyes. “Just do it.” he grumbled before you obliged. 

Before you knew it, everything around you spun into bright light and your body started to feel as if it was stretching and pulling in all directions. Quickly, it ended and you were standing outside of Malfoy Manor with Draco. He jerked his arm away from you and started to walk up the stone driveway, leaving you to yourself. You could already tell this holiday break was not going to be fun. 

-

Draco had found himself feeling thirsty in the later hours of the evening. He glanced at the clock on the wall and groaned slightly once seeing it was past midnight. He hadn’t been able to sleep well for the last few months, but he still was not used to his insomnia. The stress his parents had put him under was unlike anything he had ever dealt with. Draco couldn’t help but go along with what they demanded of him in fear that Voldemort may kill him or his family. He tried not to think about it even though it was all that occupied his mind. It made him sick, and even worse was he couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Instead, he lashed out at friends or anyone nearby due to the soul crushing stress he was under. 

Wanting to quench his thirst, Draco quietly got out of bed and made his way down the hall. His footsteps were silent as he went down the spiral staircase and started towards the kitchen. The only sound heard in the house was the few clocks placed throughout, ticking with each second that passed. Draco reached for a glass and filled it with water. He took a few gulps before stopping himself once realizing he could hear voices. He paused and listened, recognizing his father’s, Snape’s, and Voldemort’s voice. He quickly peeked down the hall and watched as Lucius very slowly closed the door to the room they had just entered. 

Being the snoop he was, Draco walked quietly down the hall and stopped at the door. He held his breath and listened, hoping he’d be able to hear something. After a few moments, he faintly heard Severus’ voice. 

“My Lord, it is as you expected. The Carrow girl is stronger than we imagined.” he said in his deep voice. 

“So, her father’s spell was a success then.” Voldemort replied, his voice trailing off. “What do we know so far about it?” 

“She doesn’t have good control of it, but with time I can teach her. Just the other day she caught the Forbidden Forest on fire in a rage.” Snape’s voice came again. 

“I assumed she’d have poor control since her mother kept her locked up all those years. I’m sure Alecto hoped that if she kept her hidden, it may not develop.” Voldemort said. 

“If it wasn’t for her stupid husband then none of this would be an issue.” Lucius said. 

“Come now, Lucius. It’s not all that bad. She’ll be able to do great things for me-for us.” Voldemort replied. 

Draco took a few steps back in shock. He was glad he had a firm grip on his glass or else he would have dropped it and brought attention to himself. He gulped and made his way up the staircase, knowing that he had to warn you. Draco wasn’t sure what to say, especially since the two of you were constantly bickering. As he got to the top of the steps, he glanced down the hall towards your room and wondered if you’d even believe him. He was about to go the other way, but stopped himself. He didn’t want you to go through what he was dealing with. 

Draco swung your door open to find you awake but lying in bed. You jumped, not expecting anyone to be bothering you at such a late hour. He closed the door quickly and set his water glass down on your dresser. 

“What the hell are you doing?” you snapped at him. 

“Just shut up and listen to me.” he said. You could tell something was bothering him. He wouldn’t look you in the eyes and was pacing at the side of your bed. “You need to be careful,” he said finally. 

“That’s it?” you asked with an eyebrow raised. 

“If you listen to anything I say to you, let this be it. Be careful.” he said again, and then started to make his way to your door. 

You sprung out of bed. “You can’t just tell me to ‘be careful’ with no explanation and then leave.” Draco had his hand on the doorknob, but you could tell he was listening. “You can’t hide important things from me. If you want to help me, you need to actually talk to me.” 

Draco turned to face you. He had tears in his eyes and you subconsciously stepped back. You had never seen him in such a weak, emotional state. “I don’t want you to turn out like me. I don’t want you to go through what I have to go through.” 

“What are you talking about, Draco?” you asked in a soft tone. You approached him slowly and put a hand on his arm. 

“There is nothing you or I can do to keep you or your secret hidden.” he said as a tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly and blinked a few times. He took a second to compose himself and then realized you were trying to comfort him. Draco quickly ripped his arm away from your hand. His emotions shifted, and all of a sudden he was angry. He grabbed you by the throat and brought you close to his face. “Don’t ever tell anyone what just happened.” 

“That you cried in front of me?” you asked. Draco stared holes into you for a moment before bringing his lips up to yours. He kept his hand around your throat as he kissed you, and you kissed him back. Something about it was passionate, and you couldn’t help but feel yourself grow slightly wet. 

Draco broke contact and pushed you towards the bed. “Get on your knees.” he demanded as he started to take off his shirt. You didn’t want to upset him by being slow, so you quickly removed your pajamas and jumped onto the bed. You got on your hands and knees, unable to see what he was going to do. Draco licked his lips at the sight of you, knowing that he had wanted to fuck you for quite a long time. He ran his hand down your spine and cupped your ass. He squeezed it a few times before making his way to your pussy. He tickled the outside of it with one of his fingers and you rocked your body into it. “Such a whore, already begging for just a finger.” he said, taking his hand away. You groaned, knowing deep down that he was right. “I’d make you suck my cock, but I don’t know where your dirty mouth has been.” he said, smacking your ass hard. He started to trail his hand up your spine, stopping between your shoulders. “I think you need to be punished.” he said while forcefully pushing down. Your face fell into the mattress as your arms gave out under his pressure. 

You felt him start to slide his cock in and out between your legs, rubbing against your pussy as he did so. You were surprised at how large it felt and let out a soft moan. Draco must have heard you because he immediately stopped, and you started to feel yourself grow frustrated. “This isn't about you, this is about me.” Draco said in your ear. “You’re the one being punished.” you felt him start to rub your clit, and not wanting him to stop you decided to try your best not to show that you liked it. Draco put both hands on your ass before licking between your labias, and you bit hard on your lip to keep yourself from making a noise. He started to flick his tongue against your clit while fingering you at a fast pace. It was hard not to grind against him, but you did your best to pretend like it was nothing. You wanted to cum, you just didn’t want him to know that. 

Draco felt your pussy start to tighten around his fingers, so he took them out quickly. “You think I can’t tell when you’re about to cum?” he said with a laugh. You groaned, and he pushed your head into the mattress. “Make sure to stay quiet.” he said. You were unsure what he meant, but immediately felt him enter you. You let out a gasp, unable to to stay silent as Draco forced his entire cock inside you. “I said to be quiet.” he said, grabbing your hair and lifting your head. “If you want to cum, you need to listen to me.” Draco let go of your hair and you fell back into the mattress. He started to thrust harder and you did your best to take his cock without groaning. He was much larger and thicker than any of the other boys you had been with, and you could feel yourself stretching to try and accommodate him. 

“You’ve got a tight pussy for a whore.” he said, giving your ass a hard smack. You heard him moan to himself while he continued to fuck you. The skin slapping was the loudest of it, it felt like he was taking anger out on you. His cock seemed to be going up into your throat, but you loved it. “You take me so well.” he said under his breath. “Better than anyone.” he reached his hand around and started to rub your clit. “I should have fucked you sooner, but you were too busy pissing me off.” 

You threw yourself onto him, grinding your hips against his cock. Draco kept working his finger on your clit as your legs started to tighten up. You were so wet that you were sure there would be a spot left on the sheets, but you didn’t care. The way he fucked you was better than anything. You’d do anything to have him fuck you like this every day. Draco did a few more full strokes before he let you continuously grind against him. He kept rubbing your clit while he used his other hand to grab your ass. You held your breath, feeling yourself completely tighten around him. You let out a low moan as you came on his cock, and he immediately started to pump in and out of you again. As you came, you heard him let out a deep exhale and you were sure he was cumming inside you. He rocked himself in and out of you a few times before finishing. Draco stayed for a moment with his cock inside you, taking a second to catch his breath. He then got up, got dressed, and walked to your bedroom door. 

He turned back to see you lying there naked and tired from your orgasm. All you could do was smirk as he rolled his eyes and left you to yourself. You couldn’t help but feel a little happy about what had just happened. Maybe this holiday break wouldn’t be too bad afterall. 


	16. You're Excused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapter updates in less than 24 hours as a holiday treat to those who have this story bookmarked. Thank you for reading <3

You woke up the following morning feeling sore and sluggish. You would have thought what happened last night was a dream until you turned over on your side and saw the water glass Draco had left in your room. You wondered if your interaction with him would become something that happened more often, or at least bring you two a little closer together. You didn’t know why, but you still felt a weird pull towards him-you really wanted to be in his life. And no, not in the way you had been, obviously. Draco was much sweeter when he acted like himself instead of the mask he hid behind when interacting with the world. 

A house elf knocked at your door and then entered with a tray of food for your breakfast. You thanked him before he left you to yourself again. You ate slowly, not entirely sure what you’d do with yourself and all the free time you had. At least when you were at Hogwarts there were other people around or always something to do. The castle felt like it was infinite and you could explore it for eternities and still find something new. Here you had two adults who were hardly around (which you did not mind), Draco who was incredibly hard to read, and a seemingly empty mansion. Yes, you reminded yourself of the library, but you still wished you could be at Hogwarts. 

You decided to eat your breakfast and get ready for the day. You sat about in your room for a few hours doing absolutely nothing. There were many thoughts in your mind to keep you company, as well as stress you out. Though last night with Draco was fun, you definitely remember what he had said to you. “Be careful.” Alright, but what did he mean? He never specified. And you didn’t know what he meant about being unable to hide you. Your mother had already spent 17 years of your life keeping you ‘hidden’. What was with everyone wanting you to keep a low profile and out of sight? You hummed to yourself for a moment. Well, of course it had to do with the fact that you could set things on fire in a rage. You wished you knew more about yourself so that you could understand. 

“That’s it!” you thought to yourself. Maybe the Malfoy’s had something in their vast library that could explain your special ‘power’. You assumed there had to be at least some other person in the magical world that was able to do something similar to you. You popped up from your seated position and changed clothes quickly, not wanting to be caught in the library still in your pajamas midday. Once changed, you made your way down to the library quietly, hoping no one would notice you walking around the mansion. You reached the library door and pushed it open just enough to poke your head in. You were happy to see that it was empty and made your way in, closing the door gently behind you. 

You weren’t really sure where to start with your research, so you spent a few minutes scanning the shelves and reading the titles of books. One finally caught your eye:  _ Magical Humans and Beasts: From Banshee’s to Werewolves.  _ Though you weren’t entirely sure if the book related to you, you figured it would be worth a shot. You plucked it from the shelf and sat down in the same armchair you had over the summer. The book was huge, so you decided you’d start with the index. You scanned through the 30 page index, paying attention to anything that had to do with fire or electrical abilities. You dogeared the pages and got to reading. 

You spent the day reading through the pages you had picked out, hoping to find a scrap of something that could help you understand yourself better. Everything led to disappointment. Just as you were about halfway through your last marked section, you heard a knock on the door. You jumped and turned around quickly, relieved to see the same house elf that had brought you breakfast. 

“I’ve been looking for you, ma’am.” he said, bringing a tray of food over to you. “I couldn’t find you around lunch time, please forgive me.” he set the tray on the table next to your armchair.

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it.” you replied.

The house elf seemed surprised by your kindness. He kept his eyes on the ground while talking to you, which made you sad. “Mrs. Black wanted me to inform you that she will come speak with you this evening around 7pm. Please make sure to be in your room so that she can easily locate you.” he said. 

“I will, thank you.” you replied, glancing at the clock and realizing it was already 6pm. You watched as the house elf bowed and left you to your book and dinner. You ate while trying to quickly finish reading. You came to the end of the section and found yourself disappointed yet again. You closed the book and placed it back on the shelf with a huff. You tried to remind yourself not to be so discouraged, especially since you had only read through one book. Maybe you just weren’t looking in the right place. 

You left the library and made your way back up towards your room. It was 6:40pm and you wanted to give yourself some time to mentally prepare for whatever Narcissa wanted to talk to you about. Your life was nothing but surprises, so you didn’t even bother guessing what it could be. Whatever it was, you hoped it was at least good. 

-

You sat on your bed with your hands in your lap. You were facing the clock in your room and was surprised to hear a knock come exactly at 7pm. “Come in.” you said, and Narcissa appeared from behind the door. She was dressed in all black, as usual, and even though she looked exhausted, she was still quite beautiful. 

“I need you to come with me.” she said. Her voice held no emotion. 

“Oh, alright.” you replied. You couldn’t tell what was going on, but didn’t want to ask her questions. You still didn’t feel entirely comfortable around her and Lucius. 

She walked down the hall and you followed, her heels clicking with each step. As she descended the staircase, you looked outside and noticed how dark it was. You liked how night came earlier during the winter. She led you down another hall and ushered you into the same room you had met Lucius in. The room was just as dark as before with candles lining the walls. The large, long black table lined with chairs was perfectly clean and shining, you almost felt bad sitting at it. You noticed that Lucius was also sitting at the table, as well as a man you had never seen before. He made you nervous, even the way he looked at you was quite haunting. He was bald, pale, and dressed in a black cloak. Even though you were a few chairs away from him, you could still see his veins through his translucent skin. He raised a bony hand at you and smiled. His teeth were unclean, and even as he smiled you couldn’t help but fear him even more. 

“Ms. Carrow, finally we meet.” he said. 

You were unsure of who he was, but something in your mind thought that he was the so-called Dark Lord the Malfoy’s had mentioned before. “Hello.” you said awkwardly. 

He laughed and you tried your best not to grimace at the sound of it. “Do you know who I am?” he asked. He looked at Lucius, “Though I’m sure her mother never mentioned me.” 

“You’re the Dark Lord.” you said quickly. 

“Yes, I am the Dark Lord, very good, child.” he said. “I am Lord Voldemort, the most powerful wizard to ever walk the earth.” he placed both hands on the table and straightened himself up. 

Something clicked inside your brain.  _ Lord Voldemort? The man who everyone at Hogwarts feared, the one who had killed Harry’s parents...and the one Dumbledore thinks would want to use me.  _ You hoped he couldn’t read minds and tried your best to pretend like a million thoughts weren’t running around inside your brain at the moment. Your hands grew sweaty and you wiped them on your pants. The Dark Lord and Lord Voldemort were the same person all along? Why would Lucius and Narcissa introduce him to you when they are supposed to be protecting you? This must be what Draco was trying to warn you about. 

Voldemort continued, not caring that you had stayed silent. He was used to people being fearful of him. “I want you to keep practicing your talent. I need you to grow stronger and tame it.” he stood from his seated position. The way he walked looked as if he was floating and it made you uneasy as he approached you. “You are quite something, young one.” he grabbed your chin and looked into your eyes. His were ice blue and incredibly intimidating. “You are going to be a great attribution.” he let go of your face. The skin he had touched felt cold. “I will use you when I need you most.” 

You didn’t say anything. There was far too much to process. This was one person you knew you couldn’t ask questions or talk back to. The mere sight of him was enough to keep your mouth shut. All you knew was that you wanted to be as far away from him as possible. You watched as he sat back down and waved his hand at you. 

“You’re excused.” 


	17. I'll Be Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning that this chapter contains smut! (For those who don't like reading it). 
> 
> By the way, if anyone ever wants to talk about fandoms, fan fics, future fic ideas, characters, or anything with me, feel free to message me on instagram. My handle is @whatevermarty. Thanks to all of you who are reading along, I appreciate you guys.

It was practically impossible for you to fall asleep that night. Your brain couldn’t shut off, and you spent most of the night lying in bed while staring up at the ceiling in the dark. You had been asking for answers for quite some time, and now that things were slowly starting to piece together, you weren’t entirely sure you wanted to know anything else. You were scared, to say the least. Voldemort was  _ fucking scary.  _ You didn’t like the way he looked at you, and you didn’t like how his touch left your skin cold. 

All you could think of is what he wanted from you. Yes, it was obvious that he was interested in your ‘special’ power, but what he was going to do with you was what made you nervous. You didn’t like the thought of having to hurt others at his command. What if he asked you to kill someone? You definitely wouldn’t be able to do it. And then what? Voldemort didn’t seem like a patient man, you were sure if you refused to do anything he asked he’d do away with you without much thought. It started to make sense why Lucius and Narcissa always looked so exhausted and stressed out. If they were working for him-which by now you were completely positive-then surely they’ve had to deal with bending to his every will. 

These thoughts led you to Draco. Quite possibly he was being groomed to work for Voldemort also. You wondered if it was what he wanted, but was sure regardless of what he wanted he wouldn’t be able to get out of something like that. It seemed like the Malfoy family was in too deep with the Dark Lord. 

Voldemort had also briefly mentioned your mother, and though you didn’t want to think about it, you were sure she had some connection to him as well. Did Voldemort think that he had some sort of right to all his follower’s children? It all felt like a sick cult. You didn’t want to be a part of it, but you didn’t even know what the hell to do to get out of it. Clearly, your mother didn’t care to warn you, so even if she wasn’t in prison she would be no help. You wondered if any wizard or witch would believe you if you told them what was happening. It seemed like none of them took you seriously unless you were accidentally setting things on fire. 

But, Harry might. Yes, Harry seemed like the right person to talk to, and you had promised yourself you’d talk to him as soon as you were back at Hogwarts. You didn’t care that things between the two of you were awkward. You were hoping that if you came clean to him, it would clear the air and the two of you could start over. It was worth a shot. 

After getting what seemed like less than an hour of sleep, you rolled on your side and watched as the sun slowly came up. You assumed it was around 5am and knew you wouldn’t be falling asleep any time soon. You hoped maybe you’d be able to nap later on, but until then, you needed something to keep your mind distracted. Assuming that no one would be awake, you decided to find your way back down to the Malfoy’s library. The house was quiet and unwelcoming, just as always. You wondered how late Narcissa and Lucius had stayed up talking to Voldemort and what they were plotting. You tried to shake the thought from your mind, but it continued to linger. 

You looked through the bookshelves, waiting for a title to strike your interest. Nothing really seemed to relate to what was happening to you. You found a book that went over some of the strongest witches and wizards in magical history and figured it could possibly be useful. Maybe one of them had special abilities like you. 

The index wasn’t much help regarding where you should start, so you buckled down and decided to read through the whole book. It wasn’t too big and with all your free time, you knew you’d be able to finish it in a few days. It started with the founders of Hogwarts, which you thought was funny. Sure, they were powerful but they didn’t seem special in any way besides the fact that they started a magic school together. You sighed as you read about Helga Hufflepuff, appreciating who she was as a witch but hoping the rest of the book wouldn’t be like this. The next was Myrddin Wyllt, who was better known as Merlin. You had heard of him before and read that he was the advisor of King Arthur. He was a great wizard who achieved many things through his kindness. He was well known for his enchantments and belief in the protection of muggles. You found yourself admiring him more and more as you read, but disappointed to find that yet again, he had no weird special power like you. 

You heard someone opening the door to the library and you immediately turned around. You watched as Draco approached you and held your breath. He looked exhausted and anxious, just like his parents. You wondered if anyone in this house ever got any sleep. Draco stood over you and looked down at the book in your lap. He saw the page you were on and smirked. 

“Merlin?” he rolled his eyes. 

“What’s wrong with Merlin?” you asked. “He was a Slytherin, just like you. Taught by Salazar himself. Don’t you think that’s cool?” 

“No.” Draco said, sounding a little disgusted. “He messed around too much with muggles. Even worked for them.” 

You stayed quiet. You didn’t understand his hatred for muggles, or anyone’s for that matter. You looked up at Draco and watched as he stared off into space. “Are you alright?” you asked. 

He ignored you and didn’t say anything for a few moments. “Why are you reading about Merlin?” he asked. 

“I’m not reading about him specifically. I’m just reading about witches and wizards in general.” you said. “I’m trying to figure out if-well you know-if any of them were like me.” 

“Like you?” he asked. 

“Yeah, like, set things on fire on accident when they got pissed off.” you said a little quietly. 

“No good witch or wizard uses their anger to fuel magic, you’re looking in the wrong place.” he said, and you felt your heart drop. “You should look into dark wizards and witches.” 

The thought of it made you ill. You didn’t want to think that your power came from a dark place, even though you had thought about it before. 

“Don’t think too much about it.” Draco said, pulling you from your thoughts. You looked up at him confused. “Just because it’s dark magic doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.” 

It was odd hearing him try to comfort him. You were also impressed that he could read you that easily. “I don’t want to be a bad person.” you said to him softly. 

“You don’t have to be.” he replied. 

“I think I don’t have a choice.” you said. 

“Everyone has a choice.” he responded. 

“Did you?” you asked, looking up at him. You watched him shut down and could tell thoughts were swimming around in his mind. You saw tears start to form in his eyes, and once he realized, he blinked them away. 

“Did he talk to you?” Draco asked, clearly wanting to ignore your question. 

“Yes, last night.” you replied. 

“What did he say?” he asked, not looking at you. 

“He told me to keep practicing so that I can grow stronger. He told me I was going to make a great attribution or something like that. It wasn’t much.” you answered. 

Draco sighed deeply. He was quiet for a while, and you wondered if he was trying to find words to say to you. He was scared, and this was what he feared would happen. He felt stupid for not telling you, especially when he figured it was bound to happen. He knew his parents wouldn’t keep the secret from Voldemort, and he knew Voldemort was willing to use anyone he could-especially if they were powerful. What scared him most was the thought of him hurting you. Draco knew you had a mouth on you and didn’t want you getting in trouble. 

He finally looked down at you. “I need you to trust me and actually listen to me, alright?” he seemed serious, so you nodded. “If you talk back to Voldemort, try to over power him, or even try to run from him, things will not end well for you.” 

“I know.” you replied. 

Draco seemed surprised by your response. He thought you would try to argue with him. “I don’t want you getting killed. Everything and everyone is disposable to the Dark Lord. I’ve seen him kill people for no reason at all.” he said. “I’m sorry there isn’t anything I can do for you.”

“It’s not your fault, Draco.” you said, standing from your seated position. You walked up to him and put one arm around his shoulder and your other hand on his chest. 

“I should have at least warned you. Your mother is Alecto Carrow. I should have known what was coming.” he said without looking at you. 

You leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. He turned his head to look at you. “You already have enough to worry about.” you whispered, leaning your head near his shoulder. You grazed your lips along his neck. You felt him start to run his hands along your back gently. He was breathing softly in your ear as he did so, and you closed your eyes. Draco could be quite comforting when he wanted to be, and you wished you could experience this side of him more often. 

You rearranged yourself so that you could look him in the eyes. He leaned down to kiss you on the lips and you kissed him back. It was gentle, but it lasted a few moments. Draco broke the kiss and leaned back to look at you. He placed his hand on the side of your head and slid it back until he was holding the back of your neck. He leaned down to kiss you again, this time harder. You opened your mouth slightly, letting his tongue explore the inside. He started to walk you back into one of the bookshelves as the two of you continued to kiss. You felt him undoing your pants and pulling them down just enough to gain access to your underwear. He started to move his fingers over your clothed pussy, feeling your growing wetness. Draco quickly moved your underwear to the side and slipped two fingers inside you. You gasped even though you were expecting him to do it. He started to move his fingers in and out of you slowly, and you let yourself tighten around him while the two of you continued to kiss. 

You felt around with your hands for the button to his pants. You undid it quickly, wanting to feel his cock in your hand. You felt your way down the waistband of his underwear and was happy to find his cock already hard. It throbbed in your hand when you first gripped it and you felt yourself moan gently into Draco’s mouth. You could tell he liked what you were doing since he started to pick up speed as he fingered you while you rubbed his cock. He broke away from your lips again, kissing you on the cheek a few times until finding his way to your neck. He latched onto the side of it with his mouth and started to suck. With your mouth no longer occupied, your moans were a bit louder. You didn’t care, though. You assumed you two were the only ones in the mansion, just as always. You felt Draco bite down on your skin a few times as he sucked and you continued to palm his cock at a generous speed. 

He let go of your neck and took his fingers out of you. You groaned at him, not liking the feeling. Draco lifted the two fingers that had just been inside you to his lips. You watched as he sucked on his fingers while you continued to touch his cock. You bit your lip, desperately wanting him to fuck you. Draco quickly lowered your underwear and pants to your ankles and fully pushed you up against the bookshelf. He lifted you slightly with his arm, and while you were on your tippy toes he shoved his thick cock inside of you without warning. You let out a low moan but he captured it with his lips. He started to kiss you while he moved his cock in and out of you slowly. The way he was treating you was much more sensual than the last time, and you were enjoying it immensely. With your pussy tight around his cock, you could almost feel every ridge and vein as he slowly thrusted. It was heaven, and you broke the kiss so that you could lean your head back and close your eyes. Draco found something else to do with his lips, and went to the other side of your neck and started to suck on the skin. His free hand found its way under your shirt and up to your breast. You let out another moan as he pinched at one of your nipples. 

“Do you like it?” Draco asked, and you nodded. “Say it with your words.” he demanded. 

“Yes, Draco.” you said softly, trying your best to form words. You couldn’t stop focusing on the way his cock felt as he pumped you. You started to grind your hips on his cock every time he was fully inserted into you. He’d let you do it for a few seconds before continuing with his thrust. After a few minutes, he stopped and let you grind against him without interruption. The head of his cock was hitting a sweet spot deep inside you and you could feel your orgasm building fast. Draco continued to suck on your neck and play with your nipples until he felt your pussy throbbing on his cock. You let out quite a few short moans into his ear as you came, and he started to thrust again. He put his hand on your throat and started to choke you lightly. He bit at your lip as he started to fuck you harder, and with a few more thrusts he was cumming inside you. He grunted quietly and you felt his cock throb once or twice before he was done. Draco kissed you on the cheek before pulling out. He pulled up his pants and rearranged his clothing while you did the same. Your legs were shaky as you did so, tired from the orgasm. 

“Enjoy your book.” he said, taking another look at you. “And remember what I told you.” 

You nodded at him. “I’ll be good.” you promised. 

“Thank you.” he said before leaving the library. 

You didn’t have it in you to tell him you were still planning on asking Harry Potter for help. 


	18. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for this chapter: abuse. 
> 
> Am I proud of myself for pumping out two chapters for you guys in the last 24 hours? The answer is yes. I hope you guys enjoy <3

You spent the rest of your holiday break hiding from the Malfoys. You were thankful that they didn’t seek you out, too. You had plenty of time to try and process what was happening, even though there seemed to be a lot of missing information that you couldn’t piece together. All you knew was that you were expected to do Voldemort’s bidding once he deemed you stable and powerful enough. Basically, being trained to kill-or at least you assumed. Voldemort wasn’t a great guy, so you figured what you’d be doing for him would not be good. You also figured out that your mother worked for Voldemort in some way, and what you could tell from his comment about her that she may not be his favorite. You wondered why your mother hid you. Was it from Voldemort or because she didn’t know what to do with you? 

That brought you to another thing: you still needed to learn about your ability. The Malfoy library was vast, but there seemed to be no leads in regards to your power. You were able to read a book on dark magic, but it didn’t give you any information you were hoping for. And honestly, that left you a bit relieved. Ever since Draco had mentioned that you were using dark magic, you felt uncomfortable. You hardly knew yourself (or so it seemed) and you didn’t like the idea of being able to use dark magic when you could hardly cast simple spells with a wand. That would make you evil or something, right? 

You wanted to prove to yourself that your ability wasn’t only provoked through anger. You practiced trying to form small electric currents in the palms of your hands while forcing yourself to think of happy thoughts. To your surprise, it was easy once you got the hang of it-and kind of fun. You’d sit on your bed watching the blue, white, and yellow waves shoot from your fingers and dance across your palm. They’d slowly merge together into a ball, and the longer you focused, the larger it grew in your hand. Sometimes it’d get too hot and you’d quickly shake your hand, immediately making it disappear. It wasn’t much, but it was something to keep you from thinking you were a dark witch. 

Sometimes you’d walk around the mansion, hoping you’d bump into Draco. You were upset that you hadn’t seen him since his visit to the library. You wondered if he was off somewhere with his parents, or maybe just trying to stay out of sight. Whatever it was, you just hoped he was alright. It sounded like the two of you were being groomed for a similar thing, and though it wasn’t your first choice at getting close to Draco, the two of you couldn’t help but be a little trauma bonded. But, you knew Draco wasn’t a bad person. He was just under a lot of stress. You could tell that he cared about you, he just showed it in weird ways.

The holiday break passed quicker than you expected, and you were thankful to find yourself on your way back to Hogwarts. You thought that time would move slowly at Malfoy Manor, but all the reading you did helped it pass. You were feeling quite a bit anxious on the train and felt sorry for your friends who were chatting around you. Seamus, Dean, Neville, and Dean’s girlfriend, Ginny Weasley, were laughing and catching up with each other. You were happy that no one really bothered to ask for details about your holiday break. You were able to get away with just mentioning that you spent a lot of time reading, which Seamus laughed at. 

“You spent your holiday away from school reading?” he snorted. “Who reads while they’re not at school?” 

Neville glared at him from across the carriage. “A lot of people read for fun, Seamus.” 

“Yeah, not everyone’s a brick like you are.” Dean said while nudging his friend. 

Seamus rolled his eyes but you defended him. “You’re not a brick. Everyone has their own hobbies.” you said with a smile. 

You went back to staring out the window. You were planning to find Harry as soon as dinner was over, but wished that you could talk to him sooner. You were even tapping your foot in anticipation, though you knew talking to Harry was many hours away. You couldn’t help it, it was something that occupied your thoughts a lot over the holiday break. For some reason, you thought that Harry was going to be the one to save you from all this. You even thought he could help Draco too. 

You felt someone lean into you and you were pulled from your thoughts. You heard Neville whisper close to your ear, “Are you alright?” while he was looking down at your shaking leg. 

Looking over at your other friends, you were happy to see that they hadn’t noticed Neville asking you a question. “Oh, yeah I’m fine. A little anxious is all.” you replied. 

“I have some anxietas holera in my bag if you want some.” he said. “I get anxious sometimes too.” 

“Thank you, but I think I’ll be alright once we get to Hogwarts. I probably just need some food and to rest.” you said with a smile. Neville smiled back at you and patted you on the knee before returning to his friend’s conversation. 

The last half of the train ride seemed to take forever, and about ten minutes before the train stopped it started pouring. You watched as fat raindrops slid down the window, making it hard to see anything. 

“Great.” Seamus groaned, also noticing the rain. “Hope they put covers over the carriages.” 

“It’s Hogwarts, Seamus,” Ginny replied, “I’m sure they have some sort of charm to keep the rain out.” 

“Yeah, did you forget magic existed?” Dean teased his friend and Seamus gave him a playful nudge. 

The train came to a stop and you watched as students fought to get off first. All of you waited a few moments before grabbing your things and filing out into the narrow hall. You caught a glance of bushy brown hair and felt your heart skip a beat, knowing that it was Hermione. If Hermione was around, you knew Harry wasn’t too far either. You found yourself looking for the black haired boy, but couldn’t spot him. You sighed, knowing it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like you could pull him aside right now and tell him everything anyways. 

You, Dean, Seamus, Ginny, and Neville shared a carriage, and just as Ginny predicted, there was some charm used to keep the rain from hitting you while it pulled everyone up to the castle. You continued to shake your leg in anticipation, which Neville definitely noticed but decided not to mention this time. Once you reached the castle, the five of you piled into the Great Hall with the rest of the students to have dinner. It was much louder than usual, filled with students catching up with each other and chatting about their holidays. You glanced across the room towards the Slytherin table and was disappointed when you couldn’t find Draco. You didn’t see him on the train and wondered if he was arriving some other way. When Narcissa had brought you to the train platform, you didn’t want to ask her where he was. She seemed sad, and kept quiet practically the entire time the two of you were together. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Harry, Ron, and Hermione eating their dinner. You figured Lavender and Ron had broken up since she was staring daggers into him from down the table. You wondered what happened between them, but was mostly hoping there would be no more drama between her and Hermione in your dorm room. You looked down at your plate and was having a hard time eating. You felt like Neville was watching your every move out of empathy, probably thinking there was something seriously wrong with you. Well, he wasn’t too far off if that was the case. A lot of things were seriously wrong with you. 

Since your body felt like it was going to explode if you waited much longer to speak to Harry, you decided to go after him as soon as dinner was over. Students started to file out of the Hall, stomachs full and eyes sleepy from the long train ride. You watched Harry and his friends start to leave and your heart rate picked up. You wanted to wait for your friends to finish, but there was no way you could. You immediately sprung from your seat and they all looked up at you. 

“I’m, er, done eating.” you said. 

“Congratulations.” Seamus said in a joking manner. 

“I’m gonna go up. Sorry not to wait with you guys. I’m just super sleepy, ya know?” you said as you climbed out of your seat. “I’ll catch you guys later.” you waved to your friends and they waved back, looking a little confused. But by now, you figured it wasn’t too out of character for you to be acting a tiny bit off. 

You started to walk quickly out of the Hall, trying to catch up to Harry. You felt bad as you pushed students aside, but it wasn’t your fault they were walking so damn slow. You saw Ron’s red hair sticking out in the crowd and picked up your pace, breathing heavily through your nose. You reached out and grabbed Harry’s shoulder and he turned around and looked at you surprised. 

“Ineedtotalktoyou.” you said quickly and out of breath. 

“Come again?” Harry asked as Hermione gave you a weird look. 

You took a second to breath and then spoke again. “I need to talk to you.” you felt yourself start to tap your foot. “Like, right now.” you paused. “Please.” You watched Ron and Hermione exchange a look of confusion. 

“Er, sure.” he turned to his friends. “I’ll see you guys in a little bit.” They nodded and continued to make their way up the Gryffindor common room. “Where do you want to talk?” Harry asked, scratching his head. 

You looked around the crowded corridor. “Somewhere empty and a little more private.” you said. Harry nodded and the two of you started to walk towards the charms classroom, assuming that the hallway would be empty there. You passed a few students on the way, but was happy to find the corridor completely abandoned when you arrived. Harry turned to face you and waited for you to start speaking. You bit your lip, nervous for what you were about to say. There was no way to warm him up to all this, so you figured you’d just dive in. “Alright, this is going to make me sound like a terrible person, and I know you’ve been ignoring me a lot lately so please don’t take this information as an excuse to continue ignoring me. But, I really need your help. I think you’re the only person who can help me.” 

Harry looked concerned. “What do you need help with?” he asked. 

“Everything. My life is a fucking mess. I had no idea until a week ago. My mum, she works for Voldemort. At least I think she does, all I know is they have some sort of connection. And I swear I had no idea. My mum kept me in the dark about everything.” you started. 

“I thought something was up.” Harry confessed. “Hermione found out that you lied about your mum’s name.” 

You paused, a little surprised. “That’s why you weren’t talking to me?” you asked. 

“Yeah, we thought you were lying to us about something bigger.” he replied. “A few of the students here at Hogwarts have parents who work for Voldemort. I know Malfoy’s parents are some of them, as well as his friends' parents.” 

You felt your heart jolt a bit when you heard Malfoy’s name. “I’m so sorry I lied to you about my mum. I was scared because I didn’t know about her either. I thought you guys would be able to figure something out about me or my family that I didn’t know and then hate me.” 

“It’s alright, I understand.” Harry said, placing his hand on your shoulder. “Is that all you wanted to tell me?” 

“No, it actually gets way worse.” you admitted. Harry took his hand from your shoulder. “I’ve been taking private lessons with a few professors, and I sort of found out I have this insane power. It’s strong and temperamental. I’m sure you remember the Forbidden Forest catching on fire?” you asked and he nodded. “Yeah, that was because of me. And Dumbledore told me that I needed to be careful because he thinks that if Voldemort knew of my power, he’d want to use me.” You paused, waiting for Harry to say something. But, he stayed quiet, so you continued. “Turns out Voldemort already knows. And he wants to use me, Harry.” you started to tear up. “He told me he’s going to use me and I am going to have to do whatever he wants once I am strong enough and have control over my power.” you were now sobbing, embarrassed as you tried to wipe your tears away. “And I’m fucking scared. No one is going to help me because no one knows how to help me. I don’t want this, I didn’t sign up for this. Like, is this the reason my mum kept me locked away all those years? Did she know this would happen and that-”

Harry cut you off. “Whoa, slow down.” he said quickly. He reached out and pulled you into a hug as you continued to sob into his chest. “Take a few deep breaths.” he said in your ear. It was hard to breath through your tears, but you tried to calm down while he slowly rocked you back and forth. “You have every right to be scared. I’ve been scared loads of time. Trust me, we will figure this out.” 

You sniffled and pulled away from him. “Do you really think we can get me out of this?” you asked. 

Harry nodded. “Voldemort has come after me five times, and though it hasn’t been easy, I’ve been able to fend him off. I didn’t do it alone, though. I’ve always had help. I promise you don’t have to do this alone either.” You buried your head into his chest again, still crying. But, you felt slightly relieved. “I’ll talk to Hermione and Ron. I know they’ll be able to help also.” 

“Thank you.” you said, slightly muffled as you talked into his chest. 

“What are you two doing?” you heard a voice shout from down the hall. 

“Er, just talking sir.” Harry replied. 

“Doesn’t look like talking to me! Disperse, both of you! Off to your common room.” the voice you now recognized as Professor Binn’s said. 

“Yes, Professor.” Harry said, and then sighed deeply. You broke the hug and looked up at him, eyes now puffy from crying. Harry wiped a few tears from your cheeks before giving you a smile. “Come on.” he said softly. “Don’t want to get yelled at again.” he said with a small laugh. 

“You go on without me. I want to walk around a little bit. Need to clear my head.” you said. “A lot is going on up there.” 

“Fair enough.” Harry replied. “Like I said, I’m going to go talk to Ron and Hermione. If I don’t see you tonight, hopefully tomorrow.” he said with a smile and you nodded. Harry gave you another quick smile before heading down the hall, leaving you to yourself. 

You knew exactly where you wanted to go, and started off towards the dungeons where you knew the entrance to the Slytherin common room was. 

-

You waited for hours, but had no luck. You wondered if Draco had already made his way up to his dorm and you just so happened to miss him. Maybe he skipped dinner and went straight to bed. With a sigh, you decided to make your way back to the Gryffindor common room. You were excited to see him, and wished you could have. You wanted Draco to know that you had some hope, and maybe that would give him a little bit too. Yes, Draco wasn’t the fondest of Harry, but if he knew he was willing to help, maybe he’d ask for some too. 

You passed Snape’s office and shivered at the thought of him. You wished there was someone else who could train you, and wondered why Dumbledore trusted Snape to do it in the first place. As you continued down the hall, you heard a door open and turned around. The door to Snape’s office slowly opened, and you watched as Draco came into view. You gasped, a bit excited, and started to run towards him. You didn’t want to shout after him, afraid that Snape would hear and want to get into your business. You kept your feet light until you caught up to him and grabbed his arm. 

“I’ve been looking for you.” you said under your breath. “Where have you been?” 

“You don’t need to know.” he replied in a whisper. You looked into his blue eyes and could tell he was upset. He looked the same as usual, exhausted and anxious. You hoped that your good news would cheer him up a little bit. 

“I need to tell you something.” you said quickly. 

“What?” he snapped. You were a little off-put by his tone. 

“I think I found someone who can help me-someone who can help both of us.” you replied with excitement. 

“What are you talking about?” he asked. 

“You know, with our little _ situation.  _ You said it yourself, everyone has a choice. We can get out of this, we just need some help.” you looked up at him, but instead of finding cheer he looked angry. “We don’t have to do this, Draco.” you said with a small smile.

“I told you not to tell anyone.” he pushed you away from him. “Who did you tell?” 

You could have sworn you saw fire coming from his eyes for a moment. You quickly realized that what you had hoped for no longer seemed so promising. “I-uh” you started, not really wanting to finish your sentence. 

“Tell me who you talked to.” Draco demanded through gritted teeth. 

You winced at his tone, knowing you had now dug yourself into a hole. “I talked to Harry-”

“ _ Harry Potter? _ ” Draco asked, and you nodded. “You stupid girl!” he shouted, and you shook in fear as the corridor echoed. “You can’t listen to a single, simple thing I ask of you?”

“But Harry has fought Voldemort before. He wants to help, he thinks he can, please Draco just listen to me-” you were silenced by Draco’s hand slapping you across the face. You touched the cheek where he had hit you and stepped back in shock. Tears started to fall from your eyes and you could no longer look at him. 

“I am done with you.” Draco said quietly. You didn’t look up at him, but you listened as he walked away. You continued to cradle your face, your cheek still stinging from where he had hit you. 

You felt stupid, but most of all, you hated Draco Malfoy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that a lot of people like to read reader insert fan fics that partners them with ‘bad boy’ characters who treat them like shit but in the end they’re a good guy. That is fine for the fan fic universe but I want you all to know that if your partner ever hits you, please seek help and leave them, do not try to change them. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship and all of you deserve love and healthy relationships. 
> 
> Again, thank you for reading ❤️


	19. Sacred Twenty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am cranking these out because I have a slow work week and school hasn't started back up yet. I want to try and get as much done before school begins since I know I won't be able to write as much once it starts :( anyways, hope you guys enjoy.

You stood in the empty corridor, cheek still stinging as tears continued to fall down your face. So many thoughts were running through your mind, and it felt as if the floodgates holding back all your emotions had finally broke open. It was hard not to think about the few moments shared with Draco over the holiday break. You thought they were special and meant something to the two of you. You knew you weren’t his girlfriend or anything, but you finally got to see the other side of him. He opened up to you, wanted to protect you, even cried in front of you, and yet he’s left you feeling empty and alone again. 

Biting your lip, you decided to head back towards the Gryffindor common room. You allowed yourself to continue crying in silence since the halls were empty, and even if you wanted to stop you didn’t think you could. You wanted to remember how you felt before that had happened-so excited and full of hope. And there was still hope for your situation, but it was hard to celebrate that feeling when all you could think of was Draco slapping you across the face. 

You reached the portrait of the Fat Lady and she looked down at you with sad eyes. You mumbled the password and she accepted it, swinging open to reveal your common room. You wiped your face before stepping through, hoping that no one was awake. The room was warm and inviting, just as always. Everything was neatly set, the carpets clean, and the fireplace roaring. You saw someone sitting on one of the couches in front of the fireplace and immediately knew who it was; Harry Potter. You felt a pull towards him and decided to join him on the couch. You took a seat and he looked up slightly surprised. 

“Oh, hello. I thought everyone was asleep.” he said. 

“So did I.” you replied.

Harry studied your face for a moment, seeing that your eyes were a little red and puffy. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“Not entirely.” you said. You didn’t want to tell him what just happened between you and Draco. You knew that the two of them despised one another and since you had just gained Harry back as a friend, you didn’t want to ruin it. “I’m just scared is all.” 

“I know, and that’s normal. It would be weird if you weren’t scared.” Harry laughed a little but you didn’t. He felt stupid and immediately went quiet. “You know, Voldemort has tried to kill me quite a few times. And it’s terrifying, I won’t lie to you. But like I said earlier, I had people to help me. And I think that’s the key to getting through things like this. You can’t do it alone, and you’d go crazy if you tried. So it was good on you to ask for help, it puts you in a better position.” 

You stayed silent for a moment. What Harry had said seemed true. You watched it happen with Draco. He did seem to be going mad. He was stressed out, angry, getting no sleep, anxious, and having constant mood swings. There was no way he’d ask anyone for help, even though it was what he needed the most. “You’re right, Harry. This isn’t something someone should do alone.” you scooted closer to him on the couch, looking up at him with a faint smile. 

“I’ve learned that the most important thing to have in your life is friendship and love. I know that sounds a little cheesy but, it’s true. With those two things, anything seems possible.” Harry placed his arm around your shoulders, and you leaned your body into his torso so that the two of you were now cuddling on the couch together. It felt very natural and automatic. You didn’t even realize it was happening until you could feel his chest slowly rising and falling with each breath he took. 

“Thank you for being so willing to help me.” you said, sighing a bit and relaxing more. 

“Of course,” Harry replied, placing his hand on your head softly, “that’s what friends are for.” 

-

Your hatred for Draco grew as each day went by, even though you tried your best not to think about him. It was impossible not to, though. Every Slytherin uniform you saw, every flash of bright blonde hair, and even every time you tried to touch yourself, you thought of Draco. And it made you sick. You tried your best to avoid him, you even chose to sit with your back to the Slytherin table in the Great Hall during each meal. Having your friends constantly around was a great distraction, though, and you were quite thankful for it. You found yourself spending a lot of time around Harry, and you enjoyed his company. There was something about him that made you feel safe and comfortable, and you couldn’t get enough of it. The two of you sat together at meals, you’d walk with him to his classes, and when he was studying or doing homework, you were right beside him reading a book. 

With all the time spent around Harry, you got to know Hermione and Ron a bit better too. It turned out that Ron was quite the character and could make anyone laugh. He was also pretty smart and did well in school, which came to you as a surprise. Hermione, of course, was as brilliant as you believed her to be. She was always helping the two boys with their homework or making sure that they were actually doing it. Hermione was also a lot friendlier than you thought she’d be. She had a very stern, outer wall that she put up to the world, but once you got past that, she was such a sweet girl. You’d catch her smiling at Ron’s jokes, and often giving him these sort of looks that you couldn’t really describe, but you just knew that she was into him. No wonder she was so pissed off at Lavender. 

You still had your private lessons with McGonagall and Flitwick, and with some help from Hermione, you found yourself doing much better in them. You could finally use your wand without so much difficulty. You were starting to feel like a normal witch, and it was quite relieving. You had yet to see Snape, though. But, you weren’t about to complain. You knew that you needed to work on harnessing your power, but you’d rather figure it out for yourself than have him around. You opened up to the Golden Trio about what you could do, and Hermione vowed to help you figure out more about it. You remembered the look of amazement on Ron’s face when you told them what you could do. You had shown them the little electrical currents you could form in your fingers and recall Ron whispering, ‘wicked’ under his breath as he watched in awe. 

When you weren’t with McGonagall or Flitwick, you were in the library. The Hogwarts library was ten times the size of the Malfoy’s, and you had hoped there would be something in there that could lead you closer to an answer about your power. Hermione also happened to spend a lot of time in the library, and you enjoyed her company. The two of you would sit in silence while reading, and you quite liked it. Harry and Ron would eventually find the two of you and join, sprawling their homework out across a table and constantly interrupt Hermione to ask her questions. 

Like usual, you found yourself in the library with Hermione on a cool evening. Ron and Harry were at Quidditch practice, so you knew that you wouldn’t be seeing the two of them for a few hours. You had been wanting to ask Hermione for a favor for some time now, but was a little nervous for what she’d say. You wanted to know more about your family, and you knew Hermione was excellent at researching things. You shifted in your chair a little bit and cleared your throat. 

“Hey, Hermione?” you watched as she looked up from her book. “Could I ask you something?” you felt your heart start to beat a little faster. 

“Sure.” she replied with a small smile. 

“Would you be willing to look into my family for me?” you asked. Your heart was now beating so fast with anticipation it felt like it was going to break away from your body. 

“What are you trying to figure out?” she asked while placing a bookmark where she was reading and setting her book on the table in front of her. 

“Well, I don’t really know anything about my family. My mum wouldn’t tell me anything ever. Obviously I have a dad, but I have no idea who he is. All I know is my mum and her brother, Amycus.” You paused. “So, I guess I’m trying to find out anything. Whatever you can find, I would love to know.” 

“I’ll see what I can do.” Hermione said with a smile. “I know you’re one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, so it can’t be too hard to find at least a little information.” 

“What’s that?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“The Sacred Twenty-Eight? They’re the only blood lines that are considered ‘pure’.” Hermione replied. 

“That’s insane. Only twenty-eight?” you asked. 

“Yep, and most of them are complete purists. Disgusted by muggles and don’t believe in breeding with them. It’s quite sad.” she sighed. 

“I agree.” you looked down at your feet, a little embarrassed to come from a bloodline with a history of hatred. 

“I know you’re not like that.” you heard Hermione say, and you looked up at her. “That’s what’s nice, you can always change your destiny. You don’t have to be like the rest of your family.” 

“And I definitely don’t plan on it.” you replied. “Thank you again.” you said with a smile. 

“Of course.” she said, grabbing her book off the table and starting back up with it. 

You went back to your own book, thankful that Hermione was willing to help you out. Though you wanted to know more about your family, you were a little bit nervous about what she would find. But, she was right, you don’t have to be like the rest of your family. And from what you could tell, you weren’t. What was most important to you was finding out who your father was, and that was also what made you the most anxious. He could be anyone. But, all you could do was wait and see. 


	20. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading you guys <3 i appreciate you all. 
> 
> if you happen to like star wars i am also writing a star wars/harry potter cross over that takes place at hogwarts with all the harry potter characters and star wars characters from the sequels. feel free to check it out :)

A few days had gone by since you asked Hermione to look into your family, but she hadn’t reported back yet. You assumed she was busy with school work and tried not to worry too much. The world in fact did not revolve around you, so you were just thankful she was willing to do it regardless. But as each day passed, you found yourself growing more anxious. You weren’t sure why, but something in your gut made it feel as if whatever she found was going to be important. 

Not every moment felt like life or death, though. Harry was a wonderful distraction from your anxious thoughts. The two of you continued to grow close together. Lately, the two of you had held hands and felt comfortable being close while other people were around. You assumed other girls were into Harry since you’d catch them giving you dirty looks while the two of you cuddled up in an armchair at the library. Harry was a pretty desirable guy. Not only was he attractive and kind, he was viewed as powerful. He was the only known wizard to have escaped Lord Voldemort. And not only once, but multiple times. But that didn’t matter to you. You liked him for his honest nature, soothing presence, pure heart, and at times, his giant air-head tendencies. 

The library was quite full this evening, and even though Madam Pince tried her best to keep the students quiet, it was next to impossible. You were having a hard time focusing on your book and started to feel frustrated. You looked up to see if Harry, Hermione, or Ron felt the same way, but they were all nose deep in their studies. With a sigh, you closed your book and stood up, stretching a bit as you did. 

Harry looked up at you. “What’s up?” he asked. Him and Ron had been working on a group project that was due in astronomy the next day. There were maps of constellations and planets spread out all over the table. 

“It’s too loud.” you whined. “I think I’m going to go read in the common room instead.” 

“I’ll come with you.” Harry replied quickly as Ron opened his mouth, frustrated with his partner. 

“No, it’s ok. Finish your homework and I’ll wait up for you on one of the couches.” you replied with a smile. 

Harry smiled back at you, and you could see a wave of relief wash over Ron’s face knowing that his project partner would not be leaving him. “See you in a few.” he said. 

You waved goodbye to your three friends and started to make your way back to the Gryffindor common room, excited to have some peace and quiet. 

-

“This looks great.” Hermione said to Ron and Harry as she checked over their astronomy homework. 

“Don’t sound so surprised.” Ron replied, and Hermione gave him a dirty look. 

“All I’m saying is you did well, I definitely think the two of you will get a perfect grade on this.” Hermione said, handing the paper to Harry. 

“Thanks, Hermione.” Harry said as the three of them packed up their bags before heading back towards the Gryffindor common room. 

“Say Harry, you and the Carrow girl are getting quite close.” Ron said while nudging his friend playfully. “You know, closer than friends close.” 

Harry felt himself blush. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” 

“Good for you, mate.” Ron slapped Harry on the back. 

“Don’t be so sure.” Hermione said, and both Harry and Ron looked at her with confused expressions. 

“What’s wrong with her?” Ron asked. 

“Well, seemingly nothing. It’s just-” Hermione trailed off. 

“It’s just what?” Harry asked, feeling himself start to grow frustrated. 

“I didn’t remember until recently, but her first time coming to Hogwarts, I recall seeing her on the platform with Draco and his father.” she said. “And she stayed very close to Draco until she was sorted into Gryffindor.” 

“You remember seeing that?” Ron asked. 

“Well, yes. It was odd seeing someone so close to Draco that clearly had never been to Hogwarts.” she replied. 

“So, she’s related to Draco or something?” Harry asked, trying to figure out what Hermione was trying to make a point of. 

“No, she’s not. She’s a Carrow, he’s a Malfoy.” Hermione replied. 

“Then what are you getting at, Hermione?” Harry asked, trying to keep his temper. 

“She’s involved with the Malfoy’s somehow. I know they’re not related, but I also know her mother and uncle are currently in Azkaban.” Hermione paused. “I think she might be staying with the Malfoy’s since she has no living relatives to take care of her.” 

Harry chewed at his cheek. He wasn’t sure why you’d keep that a secret from him, but he also thought that it might put any possibility of a relationship between the two of you at jeopardy. He knew that Voldemort had easy access to the Malfoy’s. If he had easy access to you and knew that you were involved with him, then he may be more inclined to hurt you. 

“Are you ok, Harry?” Ron asked. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. I’ll talk to her about it tonight.” he mumbled to his friends. 

“I’m sorry, Harry.” Hermione said. 

“It’s fine. Thanks for telling me.” he replied as the three of them entered the Gryffindor common room. 

You peeked up from your book and saw your three friends. You quickly straightened up so that Harry could see you. You watched as they looked over at you and then at each other. It made you slightly uncomfortable. Harry mumbled a few words to Ron and Hermione before the two of them headed up to their dorm rooms. Harry approached you slowly with a faint smile on his face. He sighed as he sat down next to you on the couch. 

“Homework get the best of you?” you asked, trying to make things light. 

“Yeah, but we got it done.” he answered plainly. 

“Everything alright?” you asked. Clearly something was wrong and you hoped he’d tell you the truth. 

“Can you be honest with me for a second?” Harry asked, turning to face you. 

You felt your stomach drop. “Um, sure.” you swallowed hard. 

“Do you have any connections to the Malfoy’s?” he asked. 

In just a few seconds, all your time spent at Malfoy Manor seemed to flash before your eyes. The moment you first met Narcissa, your first time in the library, the room where you had met Voldemort, you and Draco having sex-. You looked up at Harry, trying your best to seem normal. “What do you mean?” you felt stupid, but you didn’t know what else to say-even though you were clearly caught. 

“Do you live with them or something?” Harry asked. 

Your hands started to grow clammy. How did he find out? You hoped he wouldn’t be mad at you, and you knew there was no way you could get yourself out of this with a lie. “Yes.” you admitted. Harry leaned back into the couch and didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry, Harry. I should have told you. I just-I don’t know. I thought you wouldn’t want to be my friend if you knew I lived with them because I know you and Draco don’t like each other.”

Harry shook his head. “I like you for you, I don’t care who you have to live with. But I am still concerned about it.” 

“‘I’m sorry for keeping it from you.” you said again, thinking that’s what he meant. You didn’t want him to think you were hiding a ton of things from him. “I promise there isn’t anything else.” 

“It’s not that.” he sighed. “The Malfoy’s have a direct connection to Voldemort. If you and I, you know, continue to be a thing that could be dangerous for you.” 

“I don’t care.” you said quickly. “Everything already seems dangerous for me. Why does that matter?” you snapped. 

“Because, if Voldemort knew that you and I had feelings for eachother or something he might do something horrible to you. I don’t know, it just makes me scared.” he admitted. 

“Scared? You of all people?” you stood from your position. “It just sounds like you’re trying to get out of having a girlfriend.” you looked down at him. “If you wanted to just be friends, you could have said that.” 

Before Harry could answer, you stormed off through the common room exit. You needed some time to cool off or else you were going to explode. You scoffed to yourself, thinking about Harry. What’s a little more danger in your life? Absolutely nothing. It seemed like an excuse more than anything. You thought he really liked you, but maybe you were just blinded by the comfort he provided. 

You walked through the quiet halls of your school, occasionally passing a couple who had snuck off to make out somewhere secluded. You started to calm down as you walked, thinking you may have overreacted. You hoped Harry would be willing to talk tomorrow. The thought of losing him as a friend was scarier than anything else. You listened to your own footsteps as they echoed through the corridor. You weren’t really sure where you had found yourself, but you didn’t mind. Many times you had wandered through Hogwarts, but you always found your way back. 

You heard something that sounded like sniffling coming from down the hall. You didn’t see anyone, but decided to investigate. You walked slowly, continuing to hear what clearly was the sound of someone crying. At the very end, you found Draco standing in the doorway of an abandoned classroom. He knew you were standing there, but didn’t look up to face you. 

“Draco?” you asked. He didn’t answer. You watched as a few tears fell down his cheek. In that moment, you had forgotten the hatred you felt towards him. You reached out and touched his arm, but he didn’t move. “You know you can talk to me.” you said, but he continued to stay quiet. You watched as he cried silently, and reached up to wipe some tears off his face. You kept your hand on his cheek and moved closer to him. “I forgive you.” you whispered in his ear, before letting go of his face and walking back the way you had come from. 


	21. A Curse

You woke up early the following morning, knowing that you didn’t want to let your fight with Harry linger. You waited up for him in the common room, hoping that he’d come down for breakfast sometime soon. You had time to think about it, and were embarrassed to say that you overreacted a little bit. Harry wasn’t trying to break things off with you, and you should have considered yourself lucky that he wasn’t mad at you for keeping the fact that you lived with the Malfoy’s from him. He was quite a forgiving guy, and you hoped that even if you did ruin the chance of a relationship, the two of you could still be friends. You still wanted his help, after all. 

Harry finally came down the stairs with Ron and you immediately sprung up from your seated position. You walked over to them and caught them as they were halfway across the common room. “Hey, Harry.” you said with a small smile. You looked over at Ron. “Hi.” you said to him before turning back to Harry. “Could I talk to you for a second?” 

Harry turned to his friend who gave him a nod. “I’ll see you at breakfast.” he said, and Ron left the two of you alone. 

“Thanks.” you said softly. “I just wanted to apologize to you for what happened last night. I think I let my emotions get the best of me.” you admitted. 

“It’s alright, you’re under a lot of stress.” Harry replied. 

“Was I being dramatic, though?” you asked. “I mean, did you actually want to stop moving forward with a relationship or did I just make that up in my mind?” The two of you started to head towards the Great Hall together. 

“You just made that up in your mind.” Harry replied with a smile. He reached down for your hand and grabbed it. You smiled back at him, happy to hold his hand as the two of you walked together. “But, I do want you to understand that it may still put you in a dangerous position.” 

“You’re worth it.” you replied. 

Harry blushed. Though he did want a relationship with you, he wasn’t sure if he had the heart to tell you it most likely won’t work out. Dating for someone like him was next to impossible. But, he wanted to enjoy your company for as long as he could. At least before things got too dangerous. 

The two of you entered the Great Hall together, quickly spotted Ron already eating at the table, and took the seats across from him. He looked up from his food, trying to finish chewing before he spoke. “Have you seen Hermione?” he asked. 

“No, I haven’t.” Harry replied, then looked to you.

“The curtains around her bed were closed, I assumed she was still asleep when I left.” you shrugged. 

“Ah, speak of the devil.” Ron said, looking towards the entrance of the Great Hall. 

The three of you watched as a very tired looking Hermione made her way over to you. Her hair was frizzy and messy, clothes askew, and she couldn’t keep herself from yawning. She sat down at the table next to Ron, closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them again. 

“You alright?” Harry asked. 

“Yes.” she replied faintly. “I’ve got some news for you.” she slammed the book down on the table. “I figured out who your father was.” 

You felt your heart skip a beat. “Really?” you asked, leaning into the table. 

“Apodis Selwyn.” she replied. “Also part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, as I assumed.” she yawned before continuing. “He was the last of the Selwyn bloodline. I couldn’t figure out how he died, but he was a Death Eater, just like your mother. He was also quite well known for being rather good at curses. In fact, that was his specialty. Your mother’s, on the other hand, is torture. She seems to be quite the sadist.” 

It was weird learning about your parents for the first time, but you tried to prepare yourself for the absolute worst. So far, it seemed pretty bad. But, you were just happy to finally know who your father was. 

“I looked into your dad a bit more than your mum. Turns out he was so good at casting curses that he made quite a few himself. Which leads me to you. I was wondering why you’d be able to do something like form electric currents within your body. Or, you know, set things on fire when you get angry.” Hermione continued. 

“You think her dad cursed her?” Ron asked with a mouth full of food. 

Hermione glared at her friend in disgust. She then turned to you. “Well, it’s not too unlikely. I mean, there is a chance…” her voice trailed off. 

“But why would he want to do that? Curse his own child?” you asked. 

“He was power hungry, just like most people who use dark magic.” Hermione shrugged. “I tried to find more information, but this was really all I could figure out. I hope it’s at least somewhat helpful. I’m sorry I couldn’t find out more.” 

“No, this is great. Thank you, Hermione. Anything is better than nothing.” you replied. You were still a bit confused as to why your father may have put a curse on you, but you were still thankful to find out something. You finally had a name. Apodis Selwyn. You had always wondered why your mother never brought him up. You wished you could talk to her, but knew there was no point. 

You heard heels clacking as they approached where you were sitting at the table. You looked up to see Professor McGonagall staring down at you. “Ready, Ms.Carrow?”

You didn’t want to leave just yet, especially since you hadn’t had time to eat any breakfast, but you didn’t want to frustrate McGonagall. You nodded and stood from the table, saying goodbye to your friends before following her out of the Great Hall. You wished you could have stayed with them and continued to ask questions, but you knew that even if you could, Hermione didn’t have all the answers for you. 

Lessons with Professor McGonagall were the same as always. They were boring, and you found them quite mundane. You wondered when things would change, especially since your year at Hogwarts was slowly coming to an end. The snow was melting all around the castle grounds and spring time was just around the corner. 

It was hard for you to be completely present. You could tell that Mcgonagall had even noticed something was off. Your mind was flooded with a million thoughts that were impossible to push away, even for a few minutes. Hermione had said your father used dark magic and you wanted to know more about it. Both your parents were Death Eaters, but what did that mean? And your mum was known for being a sadist? How terrible. It was a bit haunting to know you were directly related to such evil people. It made you sick. 

As your lesson came to an end, you decided you wouldn’t let yourself leave before asking Professor McGonagall a question. Of all the adults you had been around, you felt the most comfortable with her. You watched as she cleared off the chalkboard at the front of her room and charmed a piece of chalk to start writing a new lesson. You cleared your throat and she turned to face you. “Is it alright if I ask you something, Professor?” you held your breath, waiting for a response. 

“Sure, Ms. Carrow. Go right ahead.” she replied. 

You sat down on one of the tables before beginning. “Could you tell me what Death Eaters do?” you watched as a surprised look flashed over her face. “I know they work for the Dark Lord, but what exactly do they do?” 

“I’m not sure this is the appropriate time-” she started but you cut her off. 

“Professor, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not a child. I know my mum is a Death Eater. I just want to know.” you said. “Please.”

McGonagall looked at you with a shocked expression. She thought for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Death Eaters are followers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, you’re correct. And they do his bidding for him.” she replied. 

“Like what?” you asked. 

“Whatever he wants them to do. Torture, murder, track people down, they do it all just for him.” she answered. 

“What do they get in return, though?” you asked. 

“Protection.” she replied. 

“Protection?” you raised an eyebrow. 

“Yes, from him, himself. He is notorious for killing those who go against him or refuse to join him in his ways. He is impossible to escape, too. That is, unless you’re Harry Potter.” McGonagall said. 

“So they only do it because they fear him?” you asked.

“Some of them, I’m sure. But others hold a strong loyalty to him, and are so blinded by his power that they are willing to bend at his every will.” she replied. 

You looked down at the ground. It wasn’t easy to hear, but you knew you wanted to know the truth. And even then, now that you knew it, it made you more fearful of Voldemort. You didn’t want to work for him, but it seemed like there was no way out of it. You hated your mother for joining him. You hoped she was at least forced instead of willing. It was hard to think about your mum after knowing how evil she really is. You slowly stood from the table and nodded at Professor McGonagall. “Thank you.” you said softly, before turning towards the exit. 

“Ms. Carrow?” McGonagall called after you. You turned to face her. She looked worried and slightly saddened. “You’re not destined to become your mother.” she said. 

“I know.” you replied quietly, before leaving her classroom. 


	22. Dangerous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to make any requests for future fics, please send them to me! I know that Draco x Reader is a popular ship, so if you have a pairing you'd like to see please let me know so I can take it into consideration.

The next few days passed quickly, and thanks to your conversation with Professor McGonagall and Hermione’s discoveries, you had a lot to think about. Though you were concerned about your family and what they may have done, Professor McGonagall’s words kept repeating over and over in your mind. 

_ You’re not destined to become your mother.  _

It was the only comfort you could find when your mind was racing through all your thoughts. You wanted to be nothing like her, and were disgusted to find out what you did. There wasn’t much to be thrilled about in regards to your father either. It seemed that you came from two long blood lines of twisted purists. Your mum, the sadist, and your own father who put a curse on you. You weren’t positive that was what happened, but it seemed highly likely when you thought about everything else. 

You were spending a lot of time in the library, as usual. But this time, with even more intent. Now that you assumed dark magic was the reasoning behind your power, it was all you read about. Unfortunately, there weren’t too many books that covered the subject that weren’t locked up in the restricted section, but you figured you’d read what you could at first. Plus, Harry promised to help you get in at some point using his invisibility cloak. Apparently he had done it in his first year and it was pretty easy. 

But, Harry had been acting odd. You knew that he assumed he was coming off as normal, but you weren’t stupid-you could see through people pretty easily. He had promised everything was fine between the two of you, but you were finding yourself having a hard time believing him. You weren’t spending as much time together, holding hands anymore, and you guys  _ still  _ hadn’t even kissed. You tried to not let it bother you, especially since you had more important things to worry about. 

It was incredibly rainy out, and the weather made it hard to want to do anything. When you woke up, you had decided to skip breakfast and sleep in. You fell back asleep and woke around lunch. Still, something inside you did not want to leave bed. You rummaged through the snack drawer that Lavender had previously said anyone could help themselves to and called it good. You weren’t feeling very hungry, for some reason. Time continued to pass, and once you realized it was late afternoon you decided to get out of bed. When Hermione had left earlier, she had mentioned she’d be in the library. So, you figured you’d join her. 

You got cleaned up and dressed yourself before walking down to the common room. It was oddly empty, which wasn’t normal for a day like this. Usually the cold brought people close to the fire. You continued through and started to find your way down to the library. You stepped on one of the floating staircases, holding onto the railing as it started to travel down. You looked up the wall of portraits, not focusing on a particular one. Sometimes it was nice to zone out while the pictures moved around, it was pleasing to your eyes. 

The halls were quite empty too as you walked along them. The feeling of emptiness was quite ominous. You wondered if something bad was about to happen to you. For a moment, you paused to smile to yourself. What an awful thing to think, and yet it seemed normal to you. You turned a corner and saw Harry Potter just then exiting the library. He looked up at you in surprise and waved you down. 

“Hey! I’ve been looking for you.” he said as he walked over to where you were standing. You decided not to meet him halfway. Probably because you were shocked at the sight of him. Of course you had been thinking something bad was going to happen right before he appeared. “Where have you been?” he asked once he reached you. 

“Oh you know, in bed.” you replied simply. 

“All day?” he asked, sounding surprised. 

“All day.” you confirmed. 

“Oh, well I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I’m-er-glad I found you before I left.” Harry said, stuttering around some of his words. 

“Before you left?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yes, um, I can’t tell you much. The truth is, I don’t even know much. But, I’m going somewhere with Professor Dumbledore, somewhere unsafe. He thinks he found something that can help destroy Voldemort in the long run. One of many things that need to be done, I guess.” Harry explained. 

“Oh, alright then. Be safe.” you replied. You wondered if this would be the moment you’d finally kiss. Maybe he wanted to save it for a special occasion, and that special occasion was him going off to do something dangerous. You started to lean towards him, changing your body language. 

“That’s what I wanted to talk about before I left.” Harry said. You heard yourself sigh, not meaning to. “I don’t think we should be doing this. I care about you and all, but like I said before, dating me is dangerous. If I die tonight, or at any point, it could really hurt you. And I don’t want to hurt you. And even if I don’t die, Voldemort could still find out and he could-” 

“Hurt me, yeah I get it.” you said, taking a step back from him.

“I’m sorry-” Harry started, but you cut him off again. 

“It’s whatever.” you replied. You started to inch your way around him. “It was fun while it lasted.” 

“I still want to help you.” Harry said. 

“But isn’t it too dangerous?” you said, slightly mocking him. “You know, to be in my life at all is reckless for both of us. Maybe we should just keep our distance.” 

“Is that what you want?” Harry asked. 

“I don’t know, Harry. I just want someone to be honest with me for once.” you said before turning your back to him and walking towards the library entrance. You didn’t look back, which felt powerful. You were tired of men letting you down. You couldn’t even bring yourself to cry. You walked through the library door, leaving Harry alone in the corridor. 

_ Fuck him.  _ You thought to yourself as you scanned the library for Hermione. It was full, just like before, but thankfully it was mostly just seventh years studying for their exams-they were respectful and quiet unlike the younger students. You found her sitting towards the back, nose deep in a book with another one sitting on the table before her. You sat down in the armchair next to her, and she looked up, smiling once she realized it was you. 

“I found a book I think you’d like to read.” she said, sliding the book that was sitting on the table towards you. 

“Thanks.” you said with a faint smile. 

“Everything alright with you?” she asked. 

“Harry just dumped me.” you said, slightly laughing. Hermione gave you a surprised look. “He thinks it’s too dangerous for us to date.” 

“I’m sorry.” Hermione said. Though her words were simple, you could truly tell that she felt bad. “I know he likes you a lot. It’s just...hard for Harry to live a normal life.” 

“Yeah, same here.” you scoffed, immediately feeling bad. “I didn’t mean it like that.” you said quickly. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” she replied. “Here, reading always helps me feel better.” she slid the book towards you again. 

You gave her a smile before picking the book up. You read the title, surprised that the book wasn’t from the restricted section. You looked up to ask Hermione about it, but she was already back to reading her own book. You glanced at the title again, _ Curses and How to Disband Them.  _ Well, if Hermione thought there might be useful information inside, you figured it was worth a shot. You began reading, and found it to be quite interesting. You didn’t get too far, though. You had reached the end of the couple chapters that went over some of the worst curses in the history of magic before Hermione grabbed your attention. 

“Want to grab some dinner before it’s too late?” she asked. You glanced at the clock and realized it was almost 8pm. You nodded and the two of you stood from your chairs, both stretching after being seated for so long. “Make sure you take that book with you.” she said before the two of you made your way out, and you tucked it under your arm. 

As the two of you walked together, you couldn’t help but want to ask her a question. “Hermione, do you know where Harry went tonight?” you asked. 

“Hmm?” she looked at you confused. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry.” 

You sighed, wishing she had known more. “Do you think whatever he’s doing is actually as dangerous as he says it is?” you asked. 

“Most likely. Harry is definitely one for attracting chaos. I’ve known him since our first year, and trouble always finds him.” she looked over at you and could tell you were a little sad. “He’s not lying to you, I promise. Harry wouldn’t lie.” 

You nodded. “Thanks for the reassurance. I guess I just have a hard time trusting people, especially men.” you said. 

Hermione laughed. “Boys are stupid.” 

“I agree.” you replied quickly. If only she had known all the shit the guys at Hogwarts had put you through over the past year. 

The two of you entered the Great Hall together and it was relatively empty. You assumed it was because most students ate at a reasonable time, unlike you and Hermione who had gotten lost in your books. You took a seat at the Gryffindor table across from each other and placed some food onto your plate. You looked out the giant window, seeing nothing but blackness. Night had fallen and even the ceiling of the Great Hall was twinkling with stars. 

“Hermione, that book you gave me…” you started, and she nodded at you. “It says in the title that curses can be disbanded. Is that true?” 

“Yes, I believe that some-not all-can be.” she replied after swallowing her food. 

“I wonder if mine could.” you said under your breath, but she could still hear you. 

“It may, you never know. We just need to learn more about it first. Doesn’t help that your father is gone, but I’m sure we can find something.” she said. 

“Even if he was alive I doubt he’d be willing to help out.” you replied. “I’m sure he wasn’t the friendliest.” 

Hermione nodded. “You never know-”

A loud crashing sound came from somewhere inside the castle, and everyone in the Great Hall fell silent. You and Hermione exchanged confused looks before another loud sound came. A few students stood up, including you and Hermione. 

“What the bloody hell was that?” one of the Hufflepuff’s asked and a Ravenclaw shhed them. 

Everyone fell silent again, and this time the sound of a cackling woman came. You could hear footsteps from outside the Great Hall, and this time everyone got up and started to run towards the exit. Some students ran out into the hall where others were already running towards their common rooms. You poked your head out around the corner and watched as a few hooded figures were floating down the halls, casting spells at students while others blew out the windows, sending glass shards flying everywhere. 

“What the fuck is happening?” you asked, turning to Hermione and she shook her head. 

“I have no idea.” she said as she pulled her wand out. 

You stayed put, unable to get your legs to move. You saw a woman with crazy curly black hair, and immediately realized she had been the one you heard cackling a few moments earlier. She continued to do so as she pointed her wand at students and sent them flying backwards. Someone in the crowd caught her eye, and you watched as she called out to them. 

“Draco, darling!” she laughed. You saw him standing just a few feet away from you, looking around with fear painted across his face. The dark haired woman trotted into the Great Hall, stepping on the dishes left on the table and kicking a few of them off. She continued to laugh maniacally as she did before she turned to face the giant window. She raised her wand and you watched as the window shattered, glass flying everywhere across the Great Hall. The power of the spell caused all the candles hanging from the ceiling and along the wall to go out. You turned to see Draco watching her with sadness in his eyes. 

“We need to get out of here.” Hermione said, grabbing your attention. She held her hand out to you and you grabbed it. She quickly started to navigate the two of you through the crowd of students that were continuing to scramble, trying their best to get away from the hooded figures. Hermione turned a corner, and as she did you saw two of the unseen people casting charms on five Ravenclaw third years. Hermione let go of your hand and approached them, and you felt your heart start to race. “Stop it!” she screamed at them. “Leave them alone!” 

One of the figures turned to face Hermione. They lifted their wand, but before they could do anything she sent them flying with a spell. The five Ravenclaw’s saw their chance and took it, immediately running in another direction. Hermione grabbed your hand again before the other person could do anything and continued to run to wherever she was going. 

“Are those Death Eaters?” you asked and she nodded her head. You felt yourself grow even more anxious, wondering how Death Eaters made their way into Hogwarts. 

You and Hermione ran down another corridor and seemingly from out of nowhere, Professor Snape stepped in front of the two of you. Hermione looked up at him, clearly thinking he would help. “Professor, Death Eaters are all throughout the castle.” she said out of breath. 

“I know.” he said simply. “Ms. Carrow, you’re to come with me.” 

“What?” both you and Hermione said at the same time. 

Snape grabbed you by your arm and pulled you away from Hermione. “Let me go!” you yelled at him. 

“Where are you taking her?” you heard Hermione scream from down the hall. Snape ignored her as she continued to yell your name. 

“Get off of me!” you snapped, trying to break away from Snape. His grip was too tight, and with each struggle you found yourself in more pain. 

Snape continued to drag you through the students that were still trying to get away from the Death Eaters as they teased and tortured the ones they could catch. You watched as one ran past you, their hood slipping off to reveal their face. You heard yourself gasp as your mother looked at you with her cold eyes before continuing down the hall after a group of Gryffindors. 

You yelled after her. “Mum!” but she wouldn’t turn around. 

Snape let go of your arm and pushed you between the shoulderblades. “Your mother doesn’t have time for you right now.” he said. He grabbed your robe as he watched you continue to gaze down the hall that she had ran down. “Don’t even think about leaving my side.” He pushed you again and you started to walk back towards the Great Hall. 

You looked around, trying your best to avoid students as they pushed their way past. There was glass everywhere on the floor, and even some parts of the wall had been destroyed, leaving stone chunks lying about. All the portraits were black, their contents wanting nothing to do with what was happening. Even all the candles were out, just like the ones in the Great Hall, leaving the castle eerie and dark. You approached where you had seen everything start, and Draco was still standing in the doorway of the Great Hall. He was just staring off as if he refused to acknowledge what was happening. 

Snape grabbed him by the back of the shirt and pulled him towards you. “Let’s go.” he said, leading the two of you out onto the castle grounds. 

Even from the outside you could hear the smashing of statues and glass as people screamed in fear. You glanced over at Draco, but he wouldn’t look at you. His facial expression seemed to be set in stone; a mixture of fear, surprise, and sadness. It looked like he couldn’t believe what was happening. Snape continued to lead the two of you towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest where you could see someone waiting. As you approached, you realized it was Lucius Malfoy. 

“Is it done?” he asked Draco, who nodded solemnly. “Good.” he replied. He held out his arm, and Draco took it, the two of them immediately disappearing. 

You looked at Snape, confused but knowing you couldn’t ask any questions. He held out his arm, and you took it. The familiar feeling of stretching and pulling greeted your limbs as everything became white. Then, you looked down to see your feet on cobblestones. You knew where you were, but didn’t want to look up. 

“Come, now.” Snape said as he grabbed your arm again. You held your breath as he led you towards Malfoy Manor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are ya'll glad the Harry x Reader relationship didn't last long? Lmao. Hope you enjoyed this chapter~


	23. No Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally things are starting to come together.

Malfoy Manor was just as cold and unwelcoming as you remembered it. You looked up at the great building as Snape continued to grip your arm and pull you towards the front doors. Malfoy and his father had already disappeared inside, and you were wondering what could possibly be waiting for you once you entered. Snape drug you through the front entrance and past the staircase. You knew there was no way you’d be going up to your usual room for a nice evening. No, everything had changed. As Snape led you down the hall, you couldn’t stop thinking of your mother. Seeing her face was quite haunting, and you weren’t sure how she was able to break out of prison. But, based on the company she kept, you knew it was completely possible. 

Though the house seemed empty, something inside you knew that was incorrect. You continued to let Snape lead you, not fighting his tight grip, as he threw open the door to the room you had been in a few other times. There were about eight people seated at the large table, three of them being the Malfoys. You recognized one of the women, the one with crazy curly black hair that had been cackling at the top of her lungs as she destroyed what she could of Hogwarts. You were somewhat hopeful that you’d see your mum’s face among the lot, but were wrong. Snape pulled out a chair and slumped you into it, taking a seat next to you. You were sitting precisely across from Draco, but you didn’t want to make eye contact. And, at the head of the table was the Dark Lord himself, Voldemort. You tried to avoid his gaze too, not wanting to draw any attention to yourself. 

“Draco,” Voldemort’s cold voice came, giving you goosebumps. “Were you successful in what was asked of you?” 

You refused to look up, but you still made sure to listen. “Yes, my Lord.” Draco replied, a hint of sadness in his voice. 

Voldemort started to chuckle, and those around you started to join. You glanced up at Draco to see him staring into his lap, not a smile on his face. “The old man is finally gone!” Voldemort shouted with glee as he slammed his hands on the table. Everyone seemed to laugh louder, the black haired witch cackling like before. Voldemort threw his hand up and everyone became silent. “You did good, Draco. I am quite thrilled with what you have done for me.” You wondered what he was talking about, but you were not about to ask any questions. You continued to stare at the sleek, wooden table you were sitting at. “And Severus, did you get for me what we had discussed?” 

You saw Snape shift slightly in his seat beside you. “No, my Lord. I am sorry to say that when the spell was cast, Dumbledore fell from the astronomy tower. There was no way I could-” 

You heard Voldemort slam something against the table, assuming it was a fist. “That was important, Severus!” he shouted, and you sunk a bit into your chair. A few seconds passed before he spoke again, this time sounding a bit calmer. “I’ll have to go get the old man’s wand myself.” You heard a chair scoot back, and glanced up to see Voldemort standing. “I am disappointed in you.” he said to Snape. 

Thoughts were racing through your mind as you tried to piece together what had happened. Dumbledore was dead, Voldemort wanted his wand for some reason, and Draco was being praised for killing him. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You really hoped that wasn’t the case. You thought Harry and Dumbledore were off doing something together, how did this happen? 

“Don’t be so upset, my Lord.” you heard the black haired witch say. “He’s still dead, and Hogwarts was-” you watched as Voldemort grabbed the woman by the throat. 

“I  _ want _ that wand.” he said cooly, holding her by the throat for a few more seconds before letting go. Instead of looking scared or surprised, the witch had a twisted smile on her face. Voldemort started to pace around the table in silence, and you were sure to keep your head down. All that could be heard was his light footsteps as the man thought to himself. You started to hold your breath, scared to even be heard breathing. Voldemort looked across the table at you, but you didn’t see him. He looked you up and down, seeing you in your Gryffindor robes. You heard him scoff. “A Gryffindor?” he asked, and your heart rate started to pick up. A few of the people at the table also laughed with him. “My dear, your family would be so saddened to know.” Voldemort said as he started to inch towards you. “Everyone but your father, I’m sure.” he said behind you, and you listened as the Death Eaters continued to chuckle. 

“I’m sorry-” was all you could muster, not really sure what he meant. 

“Oh, don’t be sorry.” Voldemort said from behind you, keeping you on edge. “Let me see your wand, girl.” You bit at your lip, unsure of why he wanted anything to do with your wand. You fished it out of your pocket and placed it on the table. You watched as Voldemort made it levitate in the air just a few inches above the table. “What is this, cypress wood?” he asked, and you nodded. “Eternal life and death.” you heard him say. “Do you think you’re deserving of a wand made of such wood?” he asked. 

“I don’t know.” you said softly. 

“And what’s the core?” Voldemort asked, still standing behind you. It was uncomfortable not being able to look at him while he spoke. 

“Dragon heartstring, sir.” you replied quickly. 

“You know what dragon heartstring cores are most known for?” Voldemort asked and you shook your head. “Their owners are much more likely to join the dark side of magic.” he said, now leaning close to your ear. Your chair was pulled out from the table and you jumped in shock. “Get up.” Voldemort demanded as he seemingly glided back to the head of the table. You stood where you had just been sitting, the chair now behind you. “If only your father could see you now!” Voldemort said loudly, and some of the Death Eaters laughed. “Come here, my dear.” he said, reaching his arm out to you. You looked over at Draco, but he kept his head down. “Come now, hurry!” Voldemort said as you stayed put in your place. “ _ Imperio! _ ” he shouted while pointing his wand at you. 

Your legs started to move towards him on their own accord. You looked down at them, surprised. They brought you up to the head of the table where Voldemort was standing. He flicked his wand at you, and you fell to your knees. You kept your head down, scared of what was about to happen. 

“Give me your arm.” he demanded. He didn’t need to ask, with you still under his spell. You presented your arm to him with no choice in the matter, holding it out straight. Voldemort dug his wand into your forearm as everyone at the table stayed silent. “I do hope you don’t turn out to be a traitor like your father, young one.” he said, digging his wand deeper. “I’d hate to have to do the same to you as I did to him.” You couldn’t look up at him, your eyes focused on his wand as it stayed put on your arm. “And that would be quite a shame, especially with all your power. But, you have your _ daddy  _ to thank for that.” 

Draco stayed seated at the table, trying his best not to show any emotion. Watching you on your knees before Voldemort made him sick. He couldn’t protect you, nor could he stop what was about to happen. And he knew all too well what it was, but still flinched when he heard Voldemort shout, “ _ Immutatio! _ ” 

You watched as lines started to form on your forearm. It was painful, but you tried your best to seem unbothered. They appeared to jumble together, and soon the image of a skull with a serpent twisting out and below it was etched into your skin. 

Voldemort laughed and then pushed you down with his wand. You stayed flat on your back, looking up at him as he stared into your eyes. “Your stupid father thought that if he put a curse on his only child, you could be stronger than  _ me _ . No one is more powerful than me!” he shouted. He put his foot on your face, and turned your head to the side. “He thought you could defeat me, but look at you now. You’re a slave to me.” 

Tears started to fill your eyes and you prayed that they’d go away. Voldemort was no longer looking at you, but instead at the witch with black hair. “Come, Bellatrix.” he said to her, and she listened immediately. She grabbed his arm and you watched the two of them vanish with the sound of a crack. You heard the sound a few more times before you assumed the room was mostly empty. You stayed still and listened as footsteps approached. Narcissa looked down at you, watching as you cradled your now marked arm. 

She reached down and grabbed your hand. You held onto her as she lifted you up. You glanced around the room, seeing that it was now empty. Narcissa let go of you, and you thanked her for the help. “Your room is ready.” she said, her voice barely audible. You nodded and started to make your way up, walking slowly as you did. 

Everything that had happened seemed like too much to process. You finally allowed yourself to cry as you made your way up the staircase, looking down at the ugly mark on your arm. You hated it, the lines blurring as your tears messed up your vision. You blinked, letting them fall down your face. You passed through the door of your room, still crying. You looked up to see Draco sitting on your bed, his head hanging as if he felt shame. You closed the door, wishing he’d leave you be. 

“What do you want?” you asked while wiping the tears from your face. 

“I’m sorry.” he said, not looking at you. “I’m sorry there was nothing I could do.” 

You stayed standing, not wanting to join him on your bed. You didn’t know what to say to him. “I don’t need you playing with my emotions, Draco.” you finally said. 

“I didn’t want it to be like this.” he murmured. 

“Like what?” you asked, putting your hand on your hip. He didn’t respond. “Did you really kill Dumbledore?” you asked, thinking you already knew the answer. 

“No.” he replied softly, and you were shocked. “I couldn’t do it. Snape had to for me.” 

“Then why’d you say you did?” you asked, confused. 

“You don’t know what it’s like to do Voldemort’s bidding.” Draco now looked up at you. “But in due time, you will.” 

“I don’t want to.” you replied quickly. 

“You have no choice.” Malfoy snapped. “You’re stuck in this, just like me.” 

“There has to be another way.” you said. 

“There isn’t.” he replied. “If there was, do you really think I’d be doing this? Do you think I’d let you go through the same thing? Sleepless nights and worrying about whether or not you’re going to be murdered just because you didn’t do something right?” 

“I have no idea what you’d do, Draco. I still don’t know how you feel towards me.” you leaned against the door. It was the truth, Draco had a hard time expressing his feelings. You pitied him, somewhat wanting to comfort him. But, in the moment you were frustrated. 

“I care about you! I wanted to protect you. But it’s too late.” he blurted out. He looked down at his lap again, feeling a little embarrassed. He didn’t like talking about how he felt, it seemed weak. 

“Then let’s go together.” you said, feeling a tiny bit hopeful. 

“We can’t.” Draco said harshly. “He’ll track us down no matter where we go. And then kill us. Is that what you want?” 

No, that wasn’t what you wanted. But, you knew this topic was a dead end. “Draco, I’m tired.” you said, not wanting to continue the conversation. He looked up at you frustrated. “Let me rest.” You started to walk towards your bed, but kept your distance. 

“Sure.” he replied. He got up swiftly and slammed the door behind him. 

You sighed. You knew Draco’s intentions were good and this was his weird way of checking up on you, but after everything that had just happened, you didn’t have the energy. Your arm still stung and your mind was flooded with thoughts and every word Voldemort had spoken to you. You stripped off your clothes and climbed into bed naked, trying your best to avoid looking at the mark on your forearm. You stared up at the ceiling, the thought of your father now clouding your mind. You understood now, or at least more than you had previously. He wasn’t bad, he wanted a way out. And you did too, but you promised yourself that unlike him, you wouldn’t get caught.


	24. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I am back in school and my course load is insane for this quarter. I won't be able to update as often as I was while on break. Whenever I get the chance to write, I will take it! But, my classes are difficult and take up a ton of my time :( I won't be able to update super crazy often until I'm on break again. But anyways, thanks as always for reading <3

A month and one day had passed since everything happened. Dumbledore’s death, the burning of your forearm, and the exchanged glance between you and your mother still felt like it had happened yesterday. And that was probably because you hadn’t stopped thinking about any of it since the day it all happened. 

You sat in the same room where you had received your dark mark as well as Voldemort’s taunting. Every single chair at the table was filled by someone, whether you recognized them or not. The candles that hung from the dark walls flickered as if there was a slight breeze, and everyone stayed silent while they waited. You were seated between Narcissa and Snape, and from what you could tell, they were just as uneasy as everyone else in the room. The feeling of uncertainty hung thick in the air. 

You knew what was coming. It had been planned for weeks. And regardless of how many times someone had gone over what was going to happen, you still didn’t feel prepared. Everyone around you was so much more experienced. You looked down at your dark cloak, wishing you were somewhere else. Before you could think too much, a loud crack came and Voldemort had appeared at the head of the table, taking a seat where he always sat. 

“The Potter boy has been staying with the Weasley’s.” A man named Augustus Rookwood said to Voldemort. “We are sure of this after failing to catch him the night they moved him.” 

You remembered that night vividly. Voldemort was furious that his faithful Death Eaters had been fooled by polyjuice potion. You were glad to not have been a part of that group, avoiding Voldemort’s temper that same evening. 

“And the Weasley wedding has been confirmed for tonight. Should have started about an hour ago.” Corban Yaxely chimed in. “That muggle loving Aurthur had set up some protection charms around their home, but after some investigating we were able to figure out how to easily disarm them all.” 

“So we’ll be able to apparate easily onto the property.” Augustus continued, seeming a bit annoyed that Corban had said anything. You often found that the Death Eaters tended to argue over who got to address Voldemort. It felt like a privilege for them to do so. 

“Good, all is going to plan.” Voldemort said. “Those who have been chosen, be ready.” you watched as some of the Death Eaters at the table stood, including the one that you feared most: Bellatrix. You stood too, knowing that whether you liked it or not, you had been picked for this unfortunate event. You glanced at the Malfoy’s, all of whom were still seated. “Make sure to bring me the boy.” Voldemort reminded everyone in a cold voice. “I want him alive.” You weren’t ready to see his reaction if Harry wasn’t successfully captured. But, you were also hoping it wouldn’t happen. 

Those standing pulled their hoods over their heads, immediately hiding their face. You did the same, hoping that the hood could hide your rapidly increasing anxiety. A hand gripped down hard on your shoulder, and you turned to see Bellatrix looking at you with a manic smile on her face. “Ready?” she asked as she licked her lips. Death Eaters around you started to disappear with a loud crack, and you knew you were next. You said nothing as Bellatrix apparated the two of you to the outskirts of the Weasley’s property. 

You looked down, seeing that you were standing in what seemed to be a swamp. Night had fallen and crickets were chirping in the grass around you. Bellatrix turned and grabbed you by the front of your robe, causing your hood to fall off. “Remember, no wrong moves.” she said, her eyes looking crazier than ever before. You were scared of her, and knew that you were the least trusted of all the others. Before you could say anything, Bellatrix had taken off and disappeared through the tall grass that surrounded the area you were now standing in. You could see the top half of an oddly shaped house in the distance sticking out above the vegetation and assumed that was where she was headed. 

With a deep breath of courage, you pulled your hood back up and followed behind her. You walked slowly, trying your best not to make too much noise. You could hear music playing, people chatting, and laughter. You wished desperately to be on the other side, wanting nothing more than to not be a part of this. You were stopped by another hooded figure before you could emerge from the grass and make yourself known. You looked up, not knowing why since there was no way you could tell who was behind the hood. Your heart rate continued to pick up while you tried your best to breathe lightly. Everyone was waiting, making sure to stay hidden behind the grass. If only those poor people knew what was about to happen to them. 

A silvery light came from the air, and you watched as it landed in the middle of the giant tent that the wedding festivities were taking place. You couldn’t see what it was, but you could hear it quite clearly. “The ministry has fallen-” came a deep voice. You turned to see one of the Death Eaters lift their wand. “They are coming.” you heard just before the Death Eater with their wand ready yelled, “ _ Ignis!” _ . The top of the tent caught on fire immediately, and you gasped as it quickly started to spread. 

All at once, they came out of the tall grass. The wedding guests screamed and scrambled, some not knowing what to do. You watched as quite a few of them immediately apparated away, while others drew their wands ready to fight. You ran with the Death Eaters towards the tent, not really sure what you were about to do. You still had your wand deep in your pocket with no intention of using it. You heard Bellatrix’s usual cackle as she started to attack those who decided to stay. Someone had lobbed a hex at you, but you threw up your hand and quickly blocked it. The man who had tried to hex you had red hair and fine lines in his aging face, leading you to assume he was Ron’s father. You didn’t want to hurt him, so instead you whispered a spell under your breath and knocked him off his feet. 

With that, you ran in another direction. Sparks and different colors were flying all around you as you tried your best to avoid getting hit by any of them. You knocked into someone and teetered back. Once regaining your balance, you realized that it was Hermione. She was in a red dress and looked quite lovely besides the pieces of hair that were starting to fall from where they had been pinned back. She had her wand drawn and was pointing it right at you. 

“You need to hide.” you said before she could use her wand. You watched as a puzzled look fell across her face. “Get Harry and leave.” you said quickly. 

“Carrow?” she asked under her breath, unable to see past your hood. 

“Go, Hermione.” you said sternly. She didn’t wait and took off, holding tightly onto a small purse. 

You turned to face the chaos, feeling utterly overwhelmed. Everyone seemed to be preoccupied, and you hoped that you could slide away without being seen. Your stomach was churning and you felt nauseous. You watched as the Weasley’s and other wedding guests attempted to fight off the Death Eaters, but it seemed to be a losing battle for them. Someone had set the tall grass ablaze, and you watched as it quickly spread through their property. Smoke was rising to the sky, hiding the stars that had been visible earlier. 

You snuck around the weirdly shaped home, hiding between the house and some poorly made shed. You took the moment to catch your breath, praying that your heart rate would slow down. You wiped your sweaty palms on your black robes, repeatedly telling yourself everything was going to be ok. But you knew that was a lie. You were sure the Death Eaters had killed at least one person, and you hoped that Hermione had gotten out in time with Harry. You knew that if Voldemort found out what you did, you’d be killed. You started to panic, but there was no turning back. 

The sound of footsteps came up behind you and you jumped. Not even turning to look around, you bolted from your hiding spot. You heard someone laugh, somewhat thankful that it was not Bellatrix’s cackle, and picked up your pace. You listened to them cast a spell your way, and it hit you like a train. Your legs immediately went stiff and you fell to the ground. Your face rubbed along the grass, removing your hood as it did. You tried to reach for your wand, but realized your arms couldn’t move either. 

The person who had attacked you approached, and all you could do was lay still. You felt them push you over with their foot, and you rolled onto your back. You looked up to see George Weasley looking down at you. You wanted to throw up. He looked stunned to see you there, and he took a step back. 

“Carrow?” he whispered. 

You couldn’t say anything back. Just like your limbs, your mouth was frozen too. You wished the smoke in the sky would clear so that you could see his face better. You could have sworn you saw tears in his eyes, but even if you did there was nothing you could do about it. He probably thought you were a monster. You watched as he wiped his nose with his sleeve, still looking down at you in bewilderment. 

“ _ Stupefy! _ ” you heard a woman yell, knocking George back a few yards. You listened to Bellatrix’s muffled steps of her boots as she crossed over to you. She stood above you, looking down just as George had. You really preferred to see his face, but it wasn’t like you had a choice.

“ _ Finite _ .” she said, and you felt yourself gain control of your body once again. Bellatrix kneeled down beside you, and with a crack you were back at Malfoy Manor. 

Bellatrix threw you to the ground as soon as the two of you returned. Your head hit the hard, stone floor and you cursed. You reached up to the inflicted area, happy to at least not feel any blood. With the slam, it felt like you lost your vision. Everything around you was sparkly and out of focus. You heard Narcissa’s heels clicking as she came to your aid. “Stay away from her, Cissy.” Bellatrix hissed, and you listened to Narcissa step back. “She’s weak!” was the last thing you heard before passing out. 


	25. Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: torture in this chapter. followed by some fluff, which i guess needs no warning.

You started to regain consciousness, awakening to the sound of Voldemort ordering everyone to leave the room. You were still lying on the cold floor, somewhat thankful for it. The chill felt nice against your hot body. You didn’t want to open your eyes yet, afraid that looking around would make you dizzy. 

Bellatrix grabbed onto Voldemort’s robes like a desperate child. “She let one of the Weasley’s take her down. Pathetic, she is!” she shouted. 

“Get out.” Voldemort said to her, and she looked at him like a sad puppy. “ _ Now _ .” he said again, and she listened, promptly leaving the room as everyone else had. 

You listened as Voldemort approached, still keeping your eyes shut. He looked down at you with no pity in his heart. “You can stay on the floor.” his voice came. “But you will answer me. Why weren’t you with the others?” he asked. 

You didn’t know what to say, and it still felt like Voldemort could read your mind. You wanted to tell the truth, but you knew the truth could also get you hurt. “I was being chased.” you finally said. 

“By the Weasley?” Voldemort asked, and you nodded your head. “I’m afraid you’ve forgotten that you’re much stronger than the average witch or wizard.” he said. “Why didn’t you fight back?” 

“I panicked.” you answered. It was the truth. Everything was so overwhelming, you had a hard time processing what you were doing. 

“We can’t have that.” Voldemort tutted. “What use are you to me if you run off everytime you’re faced with violence or flashing colors?” you felt your stomach drop as he spoke to you. Voldemort knelt down beside you, his face close to yours. “You’re weak minded, I can sense it. Just like your father.” Voldemort stepped away from you and you felt your throat go dry. There were a few seconds of silence before Voldemort pointed his wand at you. “ _ Crucio! _ ” he shouted, and you felt your body immediately crumble in pain. 

You let out a shriek, limbs burning as Voldemort continued to torture you. You opened your eyes, sure that your arms and legs were being snapped in half, but they were still intact. The feeling was unbearable, and you started to cry. Voldemort shouted the spell again, and another hot flash of pain jolted through your body. You let out another loud wail, knowing that if anyone was still in the mansion, they had heard you. 

“Consider yourself lucky.” you heard Voldemort say as you took deep, heavy breaths. The pain had not subsided, and he was making sure you were still in agony. “Something much worse will happen the next time you decide to ‘panic’.” You hoped he would let you go, but he wasn’t finished with you. You heard him shout the spell again, and you screamed out in misery, the pain making you sick to your stomach. You heard him laugh, watching you cry and wither under his spell. Your yelps bounced off the walls of the room, echoing in your own ears. “You should be thankful your stupid father got away with that curse before he was caught. People would kill to be as powerful as you.” Voldemort said, contuing to torture you with the cruciatus curse. 

“I’m sorry.” was all you could manage to get out, still in an incredible amount of pain. 

“If it wasn’t for your special little power, I would have disposed of you already.” he said, watching as you twisted about in distress. You felt the pain in your body let up, and you realized he had stopped tormenting you. “I expect better from you.” Voldemort said, making sure to look you right in the eye as he did. You nodded at him and watched as he disappeared with a loud crack. 

You stayed on the floor for quite some time, your limbs still throbbing from what had just happened. The room was spinning and you were scared you might throw up if you tried to move. You tried closing your eyes, but the dizziness didn’t go away. You tried breathing slowly, hoping that would help alleviate some of the pain. What had happened was by far the worst thing you had ever experienced, and you didn’t want to ever experience it again. You were thankful he had only thought you ran off, not knowing that you warned Hermione. If Voldemort had known, there was no way you’d still be breathing. 

Knowing that your body wasn’t going to feel better any time soon, you pushed yourself to get up and go back to your room. You had hoped that one of the Malfoy’s would come to your rescue, even if it was just to help you up, but you were foolish to think so. You were alone in the dark room, only accompanied by empty chairs and flickering candle wicks. You stood slowly, holding onto the chairs as you started to limp towards the exit. It hurt to move, but you knew you’d feel more comfortable in bed than on the floor. 

You made your way out into the hallway, leaning up against the wall as you continued along. You listened as your robe rubbed against the wall, not caring if it got a little damaged from the constant friction. You reached the bottom of the staircase, taking a deep breath before deciding to tackle the stairs. You heard something behind you, and turned to see one of the house elves watching you. The two of you stared at each other for a moment before you broke into tears. You didn’t know why, but you couldn’t stop them from falling. The house elf looked at you with dismay before disappearing down another hall. You secretly wished they had stayed. 

You climbed the stairs at a slow pace. Knowing that you were so close to your room kept you pushing forward, regardless of the pain that you felt throughout your body. You made it down the hall and swung open your door, happy to see your bed. You entered, closed the door, and slumped onto your bed. You were too tired to remove any of your clothes, and instead chose to weep into your pillows while your body continued to throb. A few minutes of crying had passed, and you heard someone open your bedroom door. You twisted your neck to see Draco standing in the doorway. 

Having no energy to say anything to him, you hid your face in your pillows. You heard him close the door and make his way over to you. You were sure he had heard your screams earlier, and assumed he knew that Voldemort had been torturing you. You felt a dip in your bed as he sat beside you, but kept your face hidden from him. Draco placed his hand on your back, not moving it. You wondered if he was trying to comfort you, but didn’t know how. He stayed silent, not saying a word as he accompanied you. After a few minutes had passed, you felt him get up from your bed. You figured he was leaving until you felt someone undoing your shoes. You brought your head up and instantly turned on your back so that you could look at him. 

“What are you doing?” you asked. Draco ignored you and continued to take your shoes off. He then reached up and removed your socks. You grimaced, not really wanting him to touch your feet. “Draco?” you tried to get him to say something back to you. 

“You can’t lie on my mum’s nice bed sheets in your dirty clothes.” he said. “Let alone with your shoes on.” Truth was, he wanted to comfort you. But, he wasn’t ready to admit it. 

“Sure.” you replied, not really caring. Draco got onto the bed and reached for your cloak. He looked at you, waiting for you to raise your arms so that he could bring it up over your head. You did, and he pulled it off as gently as he could. “Thanks.” you muttered as he started to undo your pants. Nothing about what he was doing felt sexual, and you lifted your hips so that he could remove your pants. You were left in your bra and underwear, not feeling weird or ashamed. 

Draco had seen you with less, afterall. 

You turned away from Draco onto your side. You felt him lie down beside you, wrapping one of his arms over your chest. You could hear him breathing lightly, and you slowly started to feel at ease. 

Time passed slowly, but neither of you spoke. Draco continued to hold you, and you wondered if he had fallen asleep. You felt yourself growing tired too, letting your eyes slowly close. 

“Draco?” you asked, eyes flickering open. 

“Mhm?” 

“Did anyone catch Harry?” you asked. 

“No.” he replied in a tired voice. 

_ Good.  _ You thought to yourself before slowly drifting off to sleep with Draco still holding you. 

**-**

You woke up the following morning with Draco still clutching you tightly with his arm. You shifted, and he slowly started to wake up. His eyes fluttered open and he slowly removed his arm from around you, yawning as he stared up at the ceiling. The two of you stayed on the bed, flat on your backs, for about twenty minutes, neither speaking a word. You both knew what you were stuck in, and you were scared to talk about it. If you didn’t talk about it, then you got to pretend like none of it was actually real. 

Draco sighed deeply. You rolled onto your side to face him, but he was still staring up at the ceiling. You chewed at your cheek, unsure whether or not to start a conversation. After a few minutes, he looked down at you. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, you could tell he was trying to hide that from you. He reached down and grazed your cheek with his hand before going back to gazing at the ceiling. 

“What’s next?” you asked. 

Draco didn’t reply right away. You listened to the silence of the room, wondering if you had annoyed him. “What do you mean?” he finally said. 

“What do we do now?” you asked, still looking at him. He wasn’t returning the gaze. 

“We go back to Hogwarts.” he said simply. “Keep our heads down and do what we’re told.” 

You rolled your eyes, thankful that he didn’t see.  _ That doesn’t sound enjoyable.  _ “Will it be different?” you asked, already knowing the answer. Of course it would be different. Everything was now. 

“With Dumbledore dead, Snape will take over as Headmaster.” Draco replied. You didn’t want to remember that Dumbledore was gone. “Voldemort has appointed some Death Eaters to teach at the school. And some will be patrolling and keeping an eye out to make sure everyone stays in line.” 

“So, like a military school?” you didn’t like the sound of it. There was no way Hogwarts would be as cheery as it had been before. There seemed to be no happiness when Death Eaters or dark magic was around. 

“I suppose.” Draco replied casually. 

You stayed silent, thinking to yourself. You wondered if your mother or your uncle would be one of the Death Eaters at Hogwarts. You hoped not. You didn’t want anyone to know your mother was a Death Eater, nor did you want her being able to watch your every move. It reminded you of when she kept you locked away. Hogwarts would be a prison, not a home. 

“Don’t be so friendly with the Gryffindor’s, either.” Draco said. He must have known you were going to ask why because he spoke again. “It’s for your own good. You should stay distant from everyone. If the Death Eaters see you chumming it up with any Gryffindor, really anyone they don’t approve of, they’ll report it back to Voldemort. You could get yourself killed.” 

“Alright.” you mumbled. You took a few slow breaths before turning on your other side, away from Draco. You didn’t want to argue with him. 

“I know this isn’t what you want.” he said. He could tell you were upset. “But it’s what we have to do now. It’s how we’ll survive.” 

You didn’t answer. You didn’t want everything to be life or death. You wished that there was a way you could just stay at Malfoy Manor. If Hogwarts was going to be so different, you rather not go at all. 


	26. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I am so sorry about the lack of updates. I am trying to finish the other fic I have up since I started it back at the beginning of summer. Anyways, I feel like I've seriously lacked in this fic and have considered rewriting it and adding a few more chapters. I feel like this one is so rushed. Maybe I'll just slow down for the remaining, I am unsure. Anyways, thank you for reading. I appreciate all of you so much!

Draco led you down the slim hall of the Hogwarts Express. You peered through the carriages, noticing a much smaller amount of students than usual. Everyone you saw seemed glum and anxious. Many students had lost color in their face while dark circles had set in under their eyes. You wondered if they were just as scared as you were, or why their parents would even let them return to Hogwarts. 

The Slytherins, however, were quite plentiful. Hardly any were missing from the train, and you assumed only a handful had not returned for another year at Hogwarts. You wondered why, but didn’t want to ask any questions. Draco opened the glass door to a compartment where his friends were already seated. You recognized them all: Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy. They looked well and healthy, Pansy was even quite cheerful. 

“Oh, isn’t it lovely not having half-bloods or  _ mudbloods _ returning to school this year? They’re all too frightened to show their faces!” she laughed. Crabbe and Goyle nodded their heads in agreement but didn’t say anything. They never seemed to do much talking, anyways. “Though, there won’t be anyone to pick on.” Pany’s voice trailed off as she frowned. 

“I’m sure you’ll find someone to harass, Pansy.” Blaise commented. 

“Yeah, you can be  _ real _ annoying.” Goyle chimed in. 

Pansy shot him a dirty look. She turned to Draco, ignoring you as you sat beside him. “What about you, Draco. Aren’t you so happy about all the new changes?” 

“Yeah.” he replied coldly. You were glad he didn’t say anything else. Pansy didn’t seem satisfied with what he had said, but forced herself to smile at him anyways. 

_ Fucking pushover.  _ You were glad to not have been sorted into Slytherin. You didn’t remember Pansy being this annoying the last time you had to be around her. You could tell that she liked Draco, and it bothered you. You started to wonder if they had ever had any physical relations, but quickly shook the thought from your mind. You did  _ not  _ want to think about something like that, you were much too jealous. 

“Mum said they even got rid of the Muggle Studies teacher!” she continued to talk, even though clearly no one was interested in listening. 

“She was killed.” Draco said simply. You turned to look at him, wondering how he knew. 

“Delightful.” Pansy said, clapping her hands together. “I heard the Carrow’s are taking over the subject.”You felt your stomach drop. She turned to face you. “Won’t it be lovely to have your own family around? I wish my mum or dad, or really anyone, could have been selected to be at Hogwarts. But that’s fine, there’s a lot of work to be done. I don’t blame the Dark Lord for-” 

“Pansy, shut up.” Crabbe said, cutting her off. Everyone seemed thankful for the silence as Pansy looked at Crabbe with her mouth open in shock. 

“It’s not my fault you lot don’t like to talk. I thought everyone would be just as excited as I am.” Pansy said, clearly a bit hurt. 

“I’ve got a headache.” Blaise said simply, ignoring Pansy all together. 

“The trolly will be around in a few, I’m sure you’re just hungry.” Goyle replied. “Merlin knows I always am.”

Pansy crossed her arms into her lap and sat back, looking defeated. Everyone else seemed delighted that she had finally shut up. You wondered if they weren’t as happy about the changes as she was, but that wasn’t very likely. As far as you knew, all of their parents had some sort of tie to the Dark Lord. But maybe they were like Draco and yourself, absolutely exhausted with what was going on around them. You wanted to know if they were as included as the two of you were. Did their parents make them do things they didn’t want to? Had Voldemort spoken to any of them directly? You tried not to think about it. 

You looked out the window of the train. Even though it was the last few days of summer, it was cold and rainy. It seemed fitting. You were sure that your upcoming year at Hogwarts was going to be the worst. Knowing that your mother of all people would be parading around the school with your uncle made you uneasy. You hoped they’d stay out of your business, or at least be avoidable. You didn’t understand why they were going to be teaching Muggle Studies. You thought that they hated muggles. It was another thing you tried your best not to think too much about. There was a feeling in your stomach, a sinking feeling, that you could not shake. 

Absolutely nothing good could be coming from this. 

-

The sorting of first years went by quickly this year. Though you should have expected it, only a very small number of kids arrived at Hogwarts. There were only eight, to be exact. Seven of them were sorted into Slytherin and one into Ravenclaw. The Gryffindors did not get to celebrate and welcome a new student. You sat alone at your house table in the Great Hall. It was much emptier than you had ever seen it, the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables as well. You sat at the end, avoiding your friends. You saw Neville, Seamus, Dean, and Ginny a few feet down from yourself, none of them talking. There were no smiles, no laughter, and no happiness. Neville had his jaw resting in his hand as he stared off, Ginny was looking down at her food but not eating, and Seamus and Dean kept their heads down, trying not to bring any attention to themselves. It seemed like everyone in the Great Hall was trying their best not to make eye contact with any of the faculty. 

You were happy to see a few familiar faces, surprised that not all the professors had been replaced. McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick, and a few others sat among the Death Eaters, looking completely uncomfortable. Your mum and uncle sat at the edge of the table, and you tried your best not to glance up at them. You assumed they knew you were at school, but if you could keep out of sight, you hoped you could stay out of mind as well. 

Snape stood from his new seated position at the table. You watched as he floated over to the golden owl perch that Dumbledore had stood behind the previous year to address the Hall. It didn’t seem right and made you feel nauseous. His voice was just as cold as you remembered it to be as he went over the insanely long list of new rules that had to be followed; no one was allowed to wander the halls past 7pm, students were not allowed to be in groups larger than three, the intermixing of houses was not permitted, and physical punishment would now be used on those who were deemed deserving of it. Snape had also mentioned that there were dementors patrolling the outer rim of the castle, making sure that no one got in or out. He finished his speech off with one last thing, and you felt your stomach churn when he said it.

“If you see or hear of anyone trying to contact or help Harry Potter, you must report it to me right away. If you fail to do so, the punishment you receive will be so harsh, I cannot bring myself to speak of it.”

Everyone in the Hall had stayed silent, not daring to whisper amongst each other about what had been said. 

After Snape had dismissed everyone, you trudged through the halls alone, making your way up to your common room. You were tired and looking forward to laying out on your bed. As Draco had requested, you had successfully avoided your friends so far. If you avoided the common room and left quickly after meals, there was really no way any of them could speak to you. You didn’t want to, but you planned on keeping your head down for the entire year. For once, you were going to listen to him. 

The portrait of the Fat Lady let you in once you mumbled the password. Even she seemed gloomy. In fact, most of the portraits did. Some wouldn’t even show, leaving their space empty and eerie. They must have been able to sense the sudden shift at Hogwarts, not wanting to stick around for it. You stepped through and quickly walked across the common room and up the steps to your dorm. Though the common room looked just as it always did, the sense of comfort it once brought no longer existed. The fire was roaring, but it was no longer inviting. The arm chairs were soft, but didn’t seem very comforting. 

You scaled the stairs and reached your door, opening it to see nothing had changed. The same four beds, the same decor, and the same view from your window. Lavender and Parvati’s trunks had been brought up by the house elves, as well as your own. You were somewhat happy to see that you wouldn’t be alone in your room this year. You glanced at Hermione’s bed, no belongings surrounding it. You sighed before changing and getting under the sheets of your own bed. 

You should have assumed Hermione wouldn’t be at Hogwarts this year, especially since she was best friends with Harry. You thought back to the last time you saw her, remembering her frightened face as the Weasley wedding was being torn apart by Death Eaters. You were glad to have seen her one last time and hoped that she was safe. You took one last glance at her empty bed before pulling the curtains around your own and drifting off into sleep. 


	27. Probably Not

Morning came too soon after a restless night of tossing and turning. You found yourself waking up every hour, anxious and uncomfortable. It sounded as if the same had been happening to Lavender and Parvati. Every so often, you’d hear them also shifting about in their beds trying desperately to fall asleep. At one point, you were sure you had heard sniffles. You couldn’t blame them; if you could cry, you would. Everything was different now. 

Both girls had left for breakfast early and you were happy to see them gone. Not because you didn’t enjoy their company, but because you were keeping your word to Draco. You would not be getting close to any of the Gryffindors this year. It wasn’t worth losing your life, no matter how badly you missed your friends. Anyways, you were used to being lonely. Nothing could compare to the emptiness you felt for those seventeen years. 

You made your way down to the Great Hall for breakfast, not really sure what to expect. The halls were nothing like they used to be. What once was filled with students pushing about while some stood in groups to chat, the occasional paper planes charmed to fly overhead, and the echoing of laughter was now gone. There were no groups, no chatter, no paper planes, and only obedience. Students walked quickly and kept their heads down, not even looking up to give a nod or say a quiet hello. 

The Great Hall was eerily reticent as well. You could hear the clinking of silverware as it hit against plates and bowls. You took a seat at the end of the Gryffindor table, just like last night. You could see Draco sitting with his friends, but he wasn’t interacting with them. Pansy was talking her face off, like usual. The boys around her seemed uninterested, nodding occasionally while trying to eat their breakfast. Draco was just staring off into space, clearly deep in thought. You wondered what he was thinking about and wished you could ask. 

Nothing on the table looked appetizing, but that wasn’t anyone’s fault. You didn’t think you’d be able to eat anything, regardless of what was in front of you. Instead, you looked over the teacher’s table, secretly hoping to see your mum. Her seat was empty, as well as your uncle’s. A few other chairs at the table were empty too, but you couldn’t bother yourself to wonder why. Instead, you watched as Professor McGonagall stood and started to make her way over to you. You immediately straightened yourself out, sitting up in your seat. 

“Hello, dear.” she said as she approached. You wondered why she hadn’t called you ‘Ms. Carrow’ like she normally did, but appreciated the affectionate nickname. You smiled and she tried her best to smile back. You were sure the woman was dealing with some sort of hell you’d never know. “Severus has asked me to inform you that he expects to see you in his office.” McGonagall paused for a moment. “I’d go soon, if I were you.” 

“His office or, um, the Headmaster’s?” you asked. 

She looked sad when you said ‘Headmaster’. “He is the Headmaster now.” she replied, nodding before walking out of the Great Hall. 

Unfortunately, she was right. 

You pushed your plate of food away from you and stood from the table. You took another glance in Draco’s direction, hoping maybe to make eye contact. But, he was still staring off. You sighed before walking out of the Great Hall, somewhat thankful to not have to be in the presence of so many people. Everyone was so anxious, you could almost see it seeping through their skin. It made you feel awful, especially knowing you were a part of what was making everyone feel this way. But, you told yourself you were different. You did warn Hermione, after all. Still, you were sure that all your friends would be disgusted with you if they knew about the permanent mark hidden under your sleeve. 

You found yourself standing in front of the phoenix that kept the stairs to Dumbledore’s office hidden. It looked down at you, and for some reason it seemed sorrowful. Statue’s didn’t have feelings, you were sure of that. But, this was Hogwarts. Nothing was too far fetched. 

Remembering that you needed a password to gain entrance to the staircase, you started to chew at your cheek with frustration. You glanced over your shoulder to see if perhaps someone would be behind you, ready to give the word up. Of course, you were alone. You wondered why McGonagall hadn’t told you what it was. You paused for a moment.  _ What if it hasn’t changed?  _ You looked up at the statue again. “Lemon drops.” you said simply. To your surprise, the phoenix started to move to reveal the hidden stairs. 

You wondered why Snape hadn’t changed the password.

_ Perhaps he missed Dumbledore too.  _

You made your way up with no enthusiasm. You were nervous to see what his office would look like. You wondered if it would be bare, or maybe decorated similar to Snape’s when he was located in the dungeons. You didn’t like the thought of Dumbeldore’s possessions no longer where they were. To you, this would always be his, no one else’s. 

Once reaching the door, you waited to knock. Of course you knew why--you really did not want to be in the presence of Severus Snape. Whatever he was going to say to you, you were sure it wouldn’t be pleasant. You had come accustomed to this. It seemed like no one ever had anything good to say to you. Everything just led to disappointment or fear. You lifted your knuckles to the door, but before you could make any noise, the door opened on it’s own. It swung slowly, almost like a dramatic revealing. You peered your head through the doorway, looking for Snape. He was sitting at Dumbeldore’s desk with his head down. Not welcoming whatsoever, but it was what you expected. 

“Come.” he said without looking up at you. 

You listened, stepping in through the doorway and starting to make your way over to him. You peered around the room, taking it in as you did. All of Dumbledore’s things were gone, just as you had thought. There was no reminder of him besides his portrait that now hung on the wall among the other previous Headmasters and Headmistresses. Most of the frames were empty, though. You wondered if they disapproved of Snape’s status. 

Once reaching the desk, you took a seat. You glanced up again at Dumbledore’s portrait. He smiled down at you and gave you a small head nod. You wished it had helped you relax, but it didn’t. What you wouldn’t give to have him sitting across from you instead of Severus Snape. You turned to the greasy haired man, still with his head down as he looked over a book that was sitting open on his desk. You noticed that the dish of candies that Dumbledore always had out was also missing, making your heart sink a bit. 

“The Dark Lord has requested that we all keep a watchful eye on you.” Snape said, causing you to jump a bit on your seat. He still hadn’t looked up to meet your gaze, but you didn’t mind. His black, beady eyes always made you unsteady. You weren’t entirely sure what to say, so you kept your mouth shut. You figured ‘we’ was in regards to all the Death Eaters throughout the castle. You also knew you were not trusted among them after everything that had happened after the wedding attack. “But, I’m sure you’d already assume this.” Snape continued. 

You nodded out of habit, immediately feeling silly once realizing. Snape still had yet to look up at you. He didn’t say anything, and it felt like forever until he spoke again. Time passed slowly in his presence. You glanced at Dumbledore’s portrait, but it was empty. You wished he had stayed. Snape shifted in his seat and closed the book he had been looking over. You felt yourself sit up straighter, waiting for him to continue. 

“Of course, if you happen to notice anything unusual, you wouldn’t hesitate to tell me. Correct?” he met your eyes and you tried your best not to look away, wishing you could. You nodded. “Good.” he continued. “Though at the time it may have seemed like a disappointment that you had been sorted into Gryffindor, it now may come as a benefit to us.” 

“What do you mean?” you asked. 

“Potter has connections to some of your fellow Gryffindors. If you hear anything about him, you must tell me immediately.” Snape said. “We suspect he will make himself known at some point.” 

You nodded again, secretly hoping that the day would come sooner rather than later. You wanted the world to feel normal again, and more than anything you wanted out of this mess. It would at least be a little different if you were fighting on the side that you wanted to be on. You couldn’t help it, it’s not like this had been your choice. Secretly you wished your dad had done something other than what he did. He could have taken you and slipped away, never to be heard of again. Right? Maybe things didn’t work out like that, though. 

“Oh, and one more thing.” Snape said, pulling you from your thoughts. “You’ll no longer be meeting with Professor Flitwick or Professor McGonagall to continue your training.” You didn’t say anything, but you couldn’t help but show how you felt on your face. “The Dark Lord wants to focus on your strength, not your wand movements. You won’t be much use to him if you’re weak and unable to reach your maximum potential.” 

“Who will be teaching me then?” you asked, already knowing the answer. Still, something inside you hoped you were wrong. 

“I will be.” Snape said sternly. You felt your stomach drop. “I will see you tomorrow for your first lesson.” 

Though Snape had dismissed you, you couldn't get yourself to stand up and leave. He stared at you, and it felt like he was reading your thoughts. 

“You’re dismissed.” he said. 

This time, you forced yourself to stand. You took one last glance at Dumbledore’s empty portrait before making your way towards the door. The room was silent, nothing but the sound of your footsteps. You could feel Snape’s gaze burning into your back. It was so intense that you found yourself desperately trying to walk normal, but it felt unnatural. You were already worried for whatever becoming more ‘powerful’ entailed. You thought about Harry again, hoping that he’d return soon. 

You descended the steps and was caught off guard when you saw Draco waiting for you. As soon as he saw you, he rushed over to you, looking a little worried. He put his hands on your shoulders. “What did he want?” he asked. 

“Nothing much, he just told me to stay out of trouble. And to report back to him if I see or hear anything funny. Apparently they think Harry is going to show up at some point.” you answered. Draco loosened his grip on your shoulders. “And, he told me I’m being watched.” 

Draco stepped back. “Of course, I assumed that. That’s why I told you to be careful.” he looked away. You guessed he was thinking about something. 

“I appreciate you looking out for me.” you said softly. 

Draco didn’t say anything, he just nodded. You were getting used to the way he showed affection, though secretly hoped that once this was all over he’d be a little different. You couldn’t blame him, being under so much stress your entire life would make someone distant. 

“Oh, and another thing.” you said, breaking the silence. “Snape said that they’re going to be focusing more on the strength of my power. He said I’m no use to Voldemort if I’m weak. Which I’m sure they all assume after that night…” your voice trailed off. 

“It wasn’t your fault. It was his for sending you out like that.” Draco spat. “You’re inexperienced, can hardly use your wand. Why the hell would he think that was a good idea?” 

You were surprised that had gotten such a rise out of Draco. You reached out for his hand and he took yours. “Draco, it’s ok.” you said. 

“No.” he replied sharply. “I didn’t want you to go. You’re lucky you didn’t get hurt. The worst you got was my stupid Aunt knocking you out when she threw you down. I didn’t like seeing you like that. But I couldn’t--.” he paused. 

You didn’t say anything, but instead waited to see if he would continue. You could see him chewing at his cheek. 

“I want to be able to check in with you.” he said. 

You arched an eyebrow at him. 

“I need to make sure you’re doing alright. It’s hard for me to see you since we’re not in the same house.” he started chewing at his cheek again. “You’ll meet me in the Astronomy Tower, twice a week.” he paused again. “9pm.” 

“Ok.” 

“Don’t worry about sneaking around the halls, no one will bother you.” he said. 

“Are you sure?” you asked. Snape had made it clear that you were being watched. 

“They won’t care if you’re out at 9pm. They’re more concerned about other things.” he replied. “I just don’t want other students seeing us together.” His last sentence hurt, but you nodded, trusting him. You assumed it was for a good reason. “Tuesday and Thursday. You got that?” he looked down at you. 

“Yes.” you replied. 

Draco took your face in his hands and kissed you on the lips. It was hard and fast, making you wish it could last longer. He pulled away and looked you in the eyes. “Take care of yourself.” he said before kissing you on the forehead. He let go of your face and started to make his way down the hall, leaving you to yourself. 

-

You entered the Gryffindor common room to see Neville, Seamus, and Dean sitting on one of the couches near the fire. All three of them turned to look at you, and you felt your heart rate pick up—it would be impossible to avoid them. 

“Hey! You avoiding us?” Seamus said. You knew he was joking, but you had a guilty conscience. 

“Oh-no.” You paused. “Of course not.” You smiled and started to make your way towards the staircase to the dorms. 

“Oi, wait up. How was your summer?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah, come sit with us.” Neville said with a smile. 

You started to pull at your fingers and crack your knuckles. “I’m not feeling well, honestly.” You lied. “I’ll catch you guys later, ok?” You gave them a wave and disappeared up the stairs. 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._ You hurried up to your dorm and slammed the door behind you. _Why weren’t they in class?_ _Maybe they had a free period._ You tried to calm down. It wasn’t enjoyable feeling anxious when talking to your friends. 

They were friends, after all. You wondered if they’d still want anything to do with you if they knew exactly what you were doing over summer break. 

Probably not. 


	28. I'm Here For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter: suicidal thoughts, torture, violence, wounds.

You had gotten the same amount of sleep as the night before. Though it was only day two, you were starting to think this would be the new norm. Sleepless nights you could deal with, avoiding your friends...you could deal with. But, you felt so out of place and uncomfortable, no matter where you went. There was no safe place, no comfort in the school, and even Draco wasn’t enough to calm your nerves--especially since you hardly got to see him. 

This morning you had woken around the same time Lavender and Parvati had. The curtains were drawn around your bed so they didn’t know you could hear them whispering to one another before they headed down to breakfast. They didn’t talk about much, at least not anything interesting to you. 

Once they left, you waited a few more minutes before getting out of bed and getting dressed yourself. You weren’t hungry but knew it was a good idea to have something in your stomach before going to meet Snape. You tried not to let your mind wander when it came to your future training sessions. He hadn’t given you any information regarding what they’d entail. You knew it wouldn’t be anything fun, easy, or pleasurable. Life was nothing but the opposite of that now ever since you had gotten that tattoo on your forearm. 

_ By force.  _

The walk down to the Great Hall seemed a lot longer without friends. You looked up at a few of the portraits as you made your way down, still quite a few of them empty. You turned the last corner on your way to the Hall and was taken by surprise when someone pushed you to the side and out of their way as they walked past you. You caught your balance and looked up to see your mother headed in the direction you had just come from. 

_ Not a great way to start the day.  _

You wondered if you’d ever talk to your mum again. She didn’t seem too keen on it. Really, she never had. She had always been distant, cold, and short when talking to you. Definitely not the mother-daughter relationship you’d imagine. 

Trying not to let the weird confrontation get to you, you continued into the Great Hall and took your seat at the edge of the table. Dean, Seamus, and Neville had come down for breakfast and you were thankful they didn’t try to call you over. You kept your head down as you picked two pieces of toast off a plate and set them onto your own. That seemed to be the only thing you could get yourself to eat, everything else seemed unappetizing. 

“Snape will see you in the dungeons today.” 

You jumped and spun around to see someone standing behind you. He was tall, with a scruffy face and dark circles under his eyes. You didn’t know his name but assumed he was one of the Death Eaters who had found themselves as new faculty members. 

“Alright.” you replied, not wanting to get on his bad side if you had stayed silent. 

He turned, his black robes moving dramatically with him, and made his way out of the Hall. You looked over at the Slytherin table to find Draco watching you. You bit your lip, not really knowing what to do. You didn’t want to smile, and a wave didn’t seem right either. Instead, you both just stared at each other for a few seconds before you broke the eye contact. 

You stood from the table and started to make your way over to the dungeons. You knew there was no way you’d be able to eat more than those two pieces of toast and didn’t see the point in waiting out what was going to happen. Might as well get there soon, that way maybe everything would be over quicker. 

It hadn’t dawned on you until then that it was a bit weird that Snape had requested you come to the dungeons. His office was no longer there, so you couldn’t think of any other reason why he’d want to meet there. The last time you had worked with him, you were in the Forbidden Forest. But, after setting it on fire, you figured that would no longer be a place of practice for you. 

Snape found you before you found him. As you made your way down, he had slipped out from somewhere and caught you off guard. 

“Carrow.” he said in his low voice. 

Startled, you jumped back. “Sorry, didn’t see you.” you apologized as he rolled his eyes. 

“Follow me.” he said. 

You weren’t surprised that he had no intention of telling you where you were going, nor what was going to happen. You kept your mouth shut and followed him down the corridor and into his old office. At this point, it was impossible not to wonder what the hell was going on. 

His office looked different, and that’s because it was empty. It truly looked like a dungeon; cold, stone walls, a dirty floor, and nothing else. You were surprised there weren’t any skeletons lying about, or perhaps some chains hanging from the ceiling--that would have really completed the look. 

“Our Lord wants you to be...more in touch with your anger.” Snape said. “And to utilize it and have more control over yourself.”

You turned to face him. He had his wand pointed at you, and before you could say anything, he flicked his wrist. Something came from the tip of his wand, but it was so quick that you didn’t catch it. Instead, you felt something starting to constrict against your arms, ankles, and mid-section. You yelped and fell to the floor, no longer able to stand or walk. 

“I’ll be back in three days if you don’t find your way out of those.” Snape said as you struggled on the cold, stone floor. “But, I advise you to do so.” He started to head towards the door. He had his hand on the doorknob before turning to you. “Feel free to set yourself on fire, nothing will happen to the rest of the castle if you do so.” he raised an eyebrow before leaving and slamming the door behind him. 

-

You had tried everything. The first few minutes were spent crying and yelling for help, which you didn’t like to admit. You knew crying wasn’t going to solve anything, and you knew no one could hear you. After tears and screaming, you started to struggle. You rubbed your ankles and wrists raw as you tried to rip off the magical ropes Snape had left you in. Instead of getting yourself loose, you had just cut deep wounds into your skin. You stopped once you realized you were bleeding, knowing you’d rather be left for three days than lose a hand or foot. 

The ropes across your midsection were tight and making it hard to breathe. When you were hysterical, you came close to passing out a few times. You were thankful to have eventually calmed down a bit--you were breathing a little better now. After you had stopped trying to struggle your way out of your bondage, you tried to use your abilities. You knew this was a test, and you had felt a little foolish for wasting so much time. It was as if you had forgotten you were a witch. 

The electrical currents you could create with your body didn’t help at all. You tried five or six times before you were on the verge of tears again. You wanted to quit, or hoped someone would come find you. But you knew quitting wasn’t an option, and there was no way someone was going to find you. 

_ Fuck this.  _

You knew it was still the same day. You felt your stomach growl and wished you were in the Great Hall eating dinner. You wished more than anything to not have to be in a situation like this. Things would even be better if your dad had never turned you into whatever you were. You were a weapon in a war on the side that you wanted to be against. 

_ I have to get out of these.  _

You were in tears again. But you didn’t feel sorry for yourself, you were mad.  _ Pissed.  _ Everything was so unfair; you didn’t ask for any of this to happen. Life didn’t even seem like worth living anymore. You couldn’t talk to your friends, your only remaining family members hated you, Draco wasn’t even around when you needed him most, and you were being pushed to your limits to fight for some bald-headed asshole who would have no problem killing you if he wanted you dead. 

The same feeling you had in the Forbidden Forest before you burned it down started to come in waves through your body. You were growing warm, then hot. Too hot. You could feel yourself starting to sweat, panting as you cried out. Your entire body felt like an electric storm. You closed your eyes, the brightness you were giving off was too much. The ball of violent electricity you had produced with your body erupted, and you felt the ropes tied around your body break off with ease. 

You stayed on the floor, panting as you tried to catch your breath. Your clothing had fallen apart with the ropes, and the cool floor felt good against your hot skin. You felt a few tears roll down your cheeks as you tried to keep yourself from passing out. Your heart was racing, but all you could do was laugh hysterically. 

_ I did it.  _

You brought your wrists up to your face and looked at them. Your skin had rubbed so much against the ropes that there was a deep indent in your wrists. You sat up slowly and checked your ankles, finding them to look similar to your wrists. Regardless, you were glad to be free. You were ready to walk out the door, but then realized you were completely naked. You looked at your torn clothes scattered about and smiled to yourself--it reminded you of muggle superheroes. 

You snatched up your wand from the floor and pointed. “ _ Reparo. _ ” you said, watching as your clothes repaired themselves. Once finished, you threw them on and swiftly walked over to the door. You were surprised to find it unlocked, which sent a twinge of anger throughout your body. You shook it off, just happy to be out of the situation. 

It was definitely later than you had thought, probably around 10 or 11 at night. You glanced out the windows of the castle as you quietly made your way back to your common room, everything was black besides the small bit of moonlight reflecting on the lake. You admired it only for a moment, too tired to take your time getting to bed. You were exhausted and starving. 

The sooner you were asleep, then the sooner breakfast would seem to arrive. 

The common room was dark and empty when you stepped through the portrait. The last of the fire’s embers were still cracking in the fireplace as you tip-toed towards the staircase, thankful that you were alone. 

“Where have you been?”

Well, so you had thought you were alone. 

You turned to see Neville who had been sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace by himself. It was a little odd for him to be sitting in the dark alone, but then again, you were sneaking into the common room after going through something much odder. 

“Um.” was all you could get out before Neville casted some light on you with his wand. 

You were thankful that your sleeves were down and covering your tattoo, but they weren’t long enough to hide the wounds inflicted by the rope. 

Neville looked down and his eyes widened. “What happened?” he asked. 

“Just an accident.” you replied quickly. 

“That doesn’t look like an accident.” he moved around the couch and got closer to you so that he could inspect your wrists. He went to grab the arm you had your tattoo on and you jerked your hand away. Neville looked up at you. “Sorry, I should have asked before…” he looked away. 

“It’s ok. It just hurts.” you said. You could tell he felt bad, but you felt worse. You didn’t want him to think you weren’t ok with him trying to help. In fact, it was sweet of him to want to do so. 

“Hold on, I have something in my room.” Neville said. He flicked his wand and the light went out before he disappeared up the steps to the dorms. 

You waited a few minutes before you heard his loud footsteps on the staircase. He appeared with a small jar in his hand. He handed it to you and you reached out and took it. 

“Rub it on your wounds before you go to sleep. By morning, you’ll be all healed up.” he said with a small smile. 

“Thanks, Neville.” you looked down at the jar and then back up at him. 

“You should get to it, before anything gets infected.” He said, stepping away from you and giving you space. 

“Yeah.” you bit at your lip. “Thanks again, Neville.” you hoped that he wouldn’t mention to anyone what he saw. You didn’t want anyone asking you any questions. You started to head towards the staircase, but Neville said your name to get your attention. 

“If you need anything, I’m here for you.” he said. 

You nodded at him before ascending the stairs, disappearing into the darkness as he stood in the common room and watched you leave. 


	29. Of Course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only have four more chapters to write and then I will have this fic complete! I am so excited! I have already started to outline my next fic which will be a Weasley twins x reader one :) Thank you to all of you for reading.

Neville was right, your wounds had healed overnight thanks to whatever concoction he had given you. It was a pretty green color, but burned like hell when you put it on your wrists and ankles. It was worth it, though. You didn’t have to go to Madam Promfrey, which was good because you were sure she would have asked you a ton of questions. 

Or maybe not. Maybe the staff were scared to ask questions now that Snape was Headmaster. 

Speaking of, you were planning on trying your best to avoid him after what had happened last night. Thankfully, he hadn’t been at any meals since the first one of the new school year. You were able to eat in peace, which was nice because you knew there was no way you’d be skipping a meal this morning. Though you were anxious, the hunger in your stomach was more than enough to get you to eat. 

Afterwards, you disappeared to the library to find comfort in one of the few things that helped you feel better: books. Since it was the start of the year, the library was empty. Everyone was in their classes, and if they had a free period you were sure they’d be outside enjoying the rare bit of sun that Scotland got in the early days of autumn. 

You settled on a book about herbology. You wondered if you’d come across anything that was similar to what Neville had given to you. Even if you didn’t, it was still interesting to read about magical plants and vegetation. You were a few chapters in before you heard footsteps approaching where you had made yourself comfortable and hidden in the cozy library. 

You looked up from your book to see Draco standing before you. He looked irritated, not happy to see you like you assumed he would be. 

“Where were you?” he asked in a sharp tone. 

“What?” you asked. You had no idea what the hell he was talking about. 

“Yesterday was Tuesday.” he said coldly. 

You felt your heart drop. You were supposed to meet him at the Astronomy Tower. Even if you had remembered, you wouldn’t have made it in time. All thanks to Severus Snape. 

“Draco, I’m sorry. But, if you knew why I wasn’t there you wouldn’t be so upset. I promise I would have been if-” 

“If what? You had remembered?” he snapped. 

“If I hadn’t been tied up and left in the dungeons.” you said with a bit of frustration in your voice. 

You watched his demeanor change. He unclenched his jaw before speaking. “What are you talking about?” 

“Snape did it. He said Voldemort wants me to get better control over my abilities.” you looked down at your lap.

“And tying you up is the way he wants to go about it?” Draco asked. 

“I guess so.” you replied. 

Draco stayed silent, refusing to look at you. 

“You’re not going to do anything?” you asked, starting to grow a bit angry. 

“What am I supposed to do?” he asked. 

“Defend me? Protect me? I don’t know!” you threw your hands up. “You’re my boyfriend, afterall. Don’t I mean something to you?” 

Draco put a finger in your face. “You need to watch your attitude. You know damn well that I can’t do anything, even if I wanted to. I’m not trying to get either of us killed just because Snape tied you up for a few hours and you couldn’t figure your way out.” 

You bit your lip, not knowing what to say. The sudden turn took you by surprise. 

“And I’m not your fucking boyfriend.” he said, stepping away from you. 

Your heart rate picked up.  _ Not my boyfriend?  _ “What are you talking about?” was all you could manage to say to him. You were trying your best not to break down and cry. You had thought the two of you were together, not just two teenagers in a tragic situation that occasionally hooked up. 

Draco seemed to get angrier. “We aren’t together. Relationships in  _ our _ world are different. We need approval from both families. Our parents, they’re the ones who make the decision. Pure bloods only have so many options when trying to keep the family line away from dirty blood.” 

You didn’t like what he was saying, and you didn’t like hearing the words ‘dirty blood’. No blood was dirty. 

“Why do you think we have to sneak around?” Draco asked. 

It started to make more sense. Draco had never shown you any affection when others were present. For some reason you hadn’t thought anything of it and just assumed he wasn’t a fan of public displays of affection. You felt stupid. 

Draco looked down at you, waiting for you to say something. He could tell you were hurt, but he was frustrated. He had waited in the cold for you for three hours, scared that something bad had happened to you last night. Everything had him on edge, and losing you would push him over it. But now, he was pushing you away and he felt like an idiot. Draco didn’t know what to say, so he stormed out of the library. 

You waited until you were sure he was gone, letting yourself then break down into tears. You were even happier now to have the library to yourself--no one was there to watch you cry. 

-

A day had gone by since the lovely chat you had with Draco in the library. In those 24 hours, you did your best to avoid him. Something inside you wanted to piss him off. Maybe sit with your friends at the Gryffindor table and glance over at him as you chatted with them. Or maybe have sex with one of them. You knew that would really send him over the edge. But instead, you were good. 

You tried your best not to let your anxiety consume you, so you stuck to your books. You had finished the herbology one late at night and rotated it out with another. You still hadn’t found anything that matched the description of what Neville had given you. 

You were on the last few chapters when you heard Lavender and Pavarti enter the room. Your curtains were drawn, like always, but you listened as they got ready for bed. You glanced at the clock on your bedside table and realized it was almost 10pm. 

_ It’s Thursday.  _

Would Draco even be waiting for you at the Astronomy Tower, though? You felt guilty for not going, and honestly hadn’t considered it until now. You didn’t want to upset him any further, but you also didn’t care. He had made himself pretty clear. It seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with you. 

You closed your book and got under the covers. One of the girls had turned the light out in the room, and you closed your eyes. You knew deep down that there was no way you’d be able to go to sleep right away, but you still tried. Your mind wouldn’t let you relax. You couldn’t help but think about Draco waiting up on you again, freezing at the top of the tower. 

You sighed and threw the blankets off of your body in frustration. You really couldn’t handle the guilt if you didn’t at least go up and check if he was there. It was almost 11pm, but he had mentioned that the last time you were supposed to meet he had waited for a few hours. So if he had gone, you hoped he was still there. 

After throwing on a warm sweater, you quietly left your dorm and snuck through the common room. You passed through the portrait hole and stepped on one of the moving staircases. You looked up, trying to see the wall of pictures in the darkness of the castle. Most of the people inside their frames had already fallen asleep for the night. It was a bit silly listening to them snore. 

The halls of Hogwarts were weird at night. Yes, there were ghosts that roamed the halls during the day, but something about the darkness was much creepier. The candles that lit the halls flickered as you passed by, hoping that no one would see you as you made your way to the tower. It was silent, which made things even less pleasant. Your footsteps seemed loud since nothing else was making a noise inside the castle. 

But, Draco had promised that no one would care if you were out of bed anyways. And you hoped that if you were seen, he was right. 

You reached the steps to the Astronomy Tower and took a deep breath before climbing them.  _ Merlin.  _ You wished these would float too. After a few minutes, you had reached the top. A small breeze passed through and you started to cool down as you caught your breath. You walked over to the ledge and looked out over the grounds of Hogwarts. It was as beautiful as the first day you saw it. The sky was somewhat clear, so you were able to see a blanket of stars. The moon was covered by a few clouds, but it still shined bright behind them. You wondered if it was full. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d come.” 

You jumped and turned around. Draco had emerged from the shadows, dressed in all black. He looked handsome, but tired. 

“I wasn’t sure either.” you replied. 

He stared at you from across the way, not walking closer. 

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” he finally said. 

You said nothing in return. You didn’t forgive him, but you were thankful that he had seemed to have a change of heart. Liking Draco was exhausting, nothing was ever normal or consistent. 

“I’ve been under a lot of stress and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” he continued. 

_ What a shit excuse.  _

“But what I said had some truth to it.” Draco started to step towards you. 

“What?” you finally found your words. 

“The approval thing. There is no way they’d let us be together.” he paused. “At least not now, there is too much going on.” 

“Alright.” you said simply. If he didn’t want to continue anything, you were ready to move on. Maybe your life would be more peaceful without him in it. Sure, it would suck at first, but you’d get better. You were starting to grow tired of his attitude, it was hard to make excuses for him now. Especially after he had taken his anger out on you. 

“That’s why we need to keep everything a secret.” Draco continued. He placed a hand on your cheek. 

You closed your eyes, hating that you were leaning into his touch. You had just told yourself you were ready to be done with him, and yet he does nothing and you’re already roped back in. 

“I can’t lose you.” Draco said. He raised your chin a bit so that he could kiss you on the lips. After a few seconds, he pulled away. “Are you willing to keep this a secret?” he asked. 

You opened your eyes and looked up at him. 

“Of course.” 


	30. Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More torture scenes in this chapter, just a warning. As well as burns and wounds. 
> 
> I finally made a playlist for this fic, I'll drop the link below! I hope you guys like it <3 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3FwqEzKWAr9Y8T7bcBMz4Q?si=ANcNows6QQ6-ddGCXO45Mw
> 
> Feel free to find me on Instagram, let's chat! My username is @whatevermarty :) Thank you so much to everyone who is reading!

“I’m sure you’d like to think that the amount of time it had taken you to get out of your bonds was impressive.” Snape said in his cold tone. “But, it was not.”

You were standing in the same room he had left you in the previous week. Bitter, you rolled your eyes at him. You had thought you did a pretty good job. 

“Someone of your caliber should have been able to free themselves much quicker.” he said, ignoring your attitude. “So, there is a lot of work to be done.” 

You wanted to scoff, but you figured you were lucky enough to have gotten away with an eye roll. You had dreaded seeing him today, and the last few days had been spent feeling anxious and trying not to think about what kind of hell he’d be putting you through next. 

“Your wand.” Snape said, holding out his hand. 

“My wand?” you repeated. 

Snape said nothing, his arm still outstretched towards you with his palm facing up. 

You sighed and reached into your pocket, pulling out your wand. You took one last look at it before placing it in his hand. 

“It’s not like you’re good with it anyways.” Snape said as he placed your wand into his own robe’s pocket. 

That comment irritated you quite a bit, but you kept your mouth shut. 

“Just as last week, you’ll be expected to find your way out of this.” he held his wand up, and you braced yourself. You assumed he was going to chain you up again and you’d be trying to beat your previous time. Seemed like a fucked up way to train someone, but at least you knew what you needed to do this time around. 

“ _ Incendio _ .”

Fire spit from Snape’s wand. You jumped back as you watched the walls of the room go up in flames. Your heart rate picked up and you started to sweat. Was Snape really going to lock you in a burning room? 

“What happens if I can’t find my way out?” you asked, not taking your eyes off of the fire. 

“Then I guess you burn to a crisp.” Snape said with a twisted smile. 

You didn’t have to think much before you started to charge at the door. Snape flicked his wand and sent you flying in the opposite direction. You fell hard on your back and groaned. You lifted yourself slightly to see him slam the door, leaving you alone with the fire. 

Snape knew you wouldn’t burn, or at least that’s what the Dark Lord had hoped. He really just wanted to test you and your abilities; to see what you were capable of and what could kill you. A girl who could survive the elements? Possibly, but only time would tell. After you had set the Forbidden Forest on fire, Snape had started to think you yourself were the same or at least similar to the flames. 

You got up off the floor and ran towards the exit. You grabbed at the handle but it wouldn’t budge. You slammed your hands against it, screaming and hoping someone could hear you. Of course, you should have known better. But there really wasn’t much time for you to think clearly. The fire around you continued to roar. It seemed as if it was slowly closing in around you. So you did the only thing you could think of; stand in the middle of the room. 

The flames were getting hotter and you could feel sweat running down so many different parts of your body. You felt pathetic, crying as the fire closed in on you. There wasn’t really anything else you could do. You didn’t know how to produce water from your hands, for Merlin’s sake. This wasn’t something that electric currents could get you out of either. Snape had left you to die. 

Your robes started to singe as some of the flames licked it. You yelped and removed your clothes quickly, standing in your bra and underwear surrounded by fire. It almost seemed like a portrait, or something someone would think to paint. It was tragically beautiful, and yet you were about to die. 

You thought about your friends. Neville’s face flashed in your mind. He had been so friendly and helpful. You started to cry. You’d miss out on all of Seamus’ jokes, or never get to see Dean’s handsome smile again. You remembered Hermione, the scared look on her face the last time you had seen her. You were happy to have helped her escape and hoped that she was alright. You knew Ron and Harry were with her, and wished the same for them. You hated this, you hated everything about it. You wanted to be with your friends, not set on fire just because you’re being used by a dark force who wants to test your limits. 

It was disgusting. 

The flames were at your skin, and you cried out. It hurt like hell, but there was nothing you could do. You could feel it burning at your back, the pain almost too much to handle. You felt yourself start to grow dizzy.  _ Is this what passing out is like?  _ You fell to your knees, ready to go. 

The door to the room flew open and you looked up as best you could. Without any thought, you called out. “Draco?” He must have known, or sensed, that you needed him. 

Whoever it was, they casted a water spell over the room and immediately put the fire out. You wanted to look up in gratitude, but you felt weak. Your back was still burning and you were in a lot of pain. 

Your savior fell to their knees in front of you and pulled you into their arms. They didn’t smell like Draco. No, instead you smelled gorse, black tea, and ginger. Whoever it was, you felt safe, and that was all that mattered. 

“I don’t know what kind of sick thing is going on here.” you heard Minerva McGonagall say as she pulled you up from the floor. You continued to hold onto her robes as she did so, thankful that she had saved you. She peered over your back before covering you with her cloak, realizing that you had been burned. 

“I’m taking you to Poppy right away.” 

-

Madam Pomfrey had given you some black, tasteless potion when you arrived at the Hospital Wing. Whatever it was, it made you incredibly sleepy. You laid back on the white pillows as her and McGonagall helped you under the sheets. There was a white divider on the right side of the bed, keeping you out of view from the rest of the room or anyone who came through the door. 

You closed your eyes, trying to relax. You were starting to feel a bit better, and the potion was trying it’s best to get you to fall asleep. A few minutes had gone by, and even though your eyelids stayed closed, your brain was quite active. With everything that had just happened, it was hard to put your mind on pause. So many thoughts were flying through your mind, giving the draught you had taken a run for its money. 

“Where did you find her?” Poppy said to McGonagall. There was a pause. “Oh don’t worry, she’s definitely asleep by now.” You assumed McGonagall didn’t want to say anything in front of you. 

“In the dungeons.” Minerva finally said. “Locked up in a burning room without her wand.” 

“Sickening.” Poppy said. 

“Absolutely. I fear what could have happened if I hadn’t found her.” 

“Do you know who did it?” Poppy asked. 

“I’m sure one of the Death Eaters. You know how bad their punishments can be.” 

“I had a boy in here a few days ago. His palms were bloody and raw. Poor soul, wouldn’t tell me what had happened.” Poppy said. 

“The children are scared.” Minerva said. 

“We all are.” 

There was a pause. 

“Hogwarts isn’t safe for anyone anymore.” McGonagall finally said. “And I-I think it’s going to keep getting worse.” 

“Minerva…” Poppy replied, her voice trailing off. 

“Her mother and uncle are the worst of them.” McGonagall continued. “Makes me sick that she had to grow up in a family like that.” 

“Did you see her forearm, Minerva?” Poppy asked in a worried tone. 

You felt a wave of anxiety move through your body. You had forgotten that McGonagall had found you practically naked. 

“Of course I did.” Minerva said. 

“Do you think…?” 

“No, of course not. They’re all children. It’s their parents, their families. I know none of them want to fight.” Minerva said, looking down at your supposedly sleeping face. “He’ll use anyone.” 

“They need to be protected.” Poppy said. 

“They do indeed.” Minerva agreed. 

You were finally drifting off, no longer able to fight the sleeping draught. What the two women had said gave you just a small, shred of hope. They understood; they knew that this isn’t what you wanted or who you want to be. 

You were an instrument of war, just like Draco and every other child of a Death Eater. 


	31. You've Been Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Can't believe I am almost done with this fic. I appreciate you all so much. Come find me on instagram, let's talk about fandoms! I am super friendly, I promise <3 My handle is @whatevermarty :)

You woke only a few hours later. Madam Pomfrey had some food from the Great Hall brought up to you so that you could eat dinner while still in her care. Once finished, she took a quick look at your wounds again before rebandaging them. She had said that by tomorrow morning they should be better and you could remove them yourself. 

There were a lot more than you had previously thought. Your back was the worst, which was probably why you didn’t notice the others; one on your forearm, the back of your thighs had gotten charred up a little bit, and the tops of your shoulders too. 

She had also wrapped your tattoo. The only clothes she had to lend you was a t- shirt and lounging pants. With the tattoo exposed, she figured that was the next best thing to do. You were thankful for her, especially since she made no comments nor asked any questions. 

It was late evening when you finally left and made your way back to the Gryffindor common room. You braced yourself before going through the door of your dorm, hoping that Lavender and Pavarti were already in bed. Of course, they were not. It was only 9pm. Both the girls looked shocked to see you, probably since you had kept yourself so well hidden since the start of the school year. You watched as they looked you up and down before jumping off their beds and rushing towards you. 

Lavender pulled you into a hug, which caught you off guard. “It’s almost like you’ve been hiding from us.” she said when she pulled away. 

Parvati looked down at your bandages. “Oh my--what happened?” she placed a hand over her mouth in shock. 

“Were you being punished?” Lavender asked. She helped you to your bed, probably assuming you were weak or tired. 

_ Punished?  _ You remembered what McGonagall had said to Madam Pomfrey. Apparently the Death Eaters were having fun being able to physically harm the students this year instead of hand out detentions. “Yes.” you lied, not wanting to tell them what had happened. 

“I’m so sorry.” Parvati said, placing her hand on your arm. 

“Are you alright? Do you need anything?” Lavender asked. 

It was odd having them worry over you, but you appreciated it. “No, no. I’m fine. Just a little exhausted. Madam Pomfrey took good care of me.” you replied. 

“Good. Bless that woman.” Lavender said as Pavarti nodded her head in agreement. 

“You’ve been hurt too?” you asked, wanting to know more about what was happening to the students at Hogwarts. You hadn’t realized how bad it was for everyone else, not just yourself. 

“Yes. Your, um…” Lavender’s voice trailed off. 

“Your mum.” Parvati said for her. 

“Yeah, your mum. She really doesn’t like girls.” Lavender said without looking at you. 

You hadn’t realized that by now, most people would have made the connection between you and your mother. It wasn’t hard to figure out since you both had the same last name. You wondered if there had been any rumors going around about you. Were people scared of you now? 

“What does she do to you?” you asked, sitting up more on your bed. 

“No, don’t worry about that.” Lavender said, clearly not wanting you to feel guilty for your mother’s actions. “You need to rest.” 

“I’m so sorry she’s done anything to you...either of you.” you felt yourself grow nauseous. 

“Don’t be sorry.” Parvati said. “You’re not your mum.” 

“We know you’re not like that.” Lavender said. 

You felt yourself start to tear up. First Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey, and now Lavender and Parvati. It was a strange feeling being understood, but it was a huge relief at the same time. People knew who you were. 

“Get some rest.” Lavender said with a smile. Both girls got up off your bed in unison. “It was good seeing you, by the way.” 

“Yeah, don’t hide out so much.” Parvati said with a wink. 

“I won’t.” you promised. 

The girls left you be, and you nestled deep down into your pillows and blankets. You started to wonder if you’d be getting your wand back. Sighing, your turned on your bed, now facing your bedside table. 

There it was, your wand, resting next to your alarm clock as if it had been waiting for your return. 

-

You stood at the top of the Astronomy Tower, overlooking the castle grounds. The night was clear and bright, thanks to the stars shining above in the sky. It was almost 9pm and you were waiting for Draco anxiously. 

You were anxious because you weren’t sure how he was going to react once you told him what had happened. Your burns were gone, just as Madam Pomfrey had promised, but you didn’t think you needed them to prove anything. You were sure Draco would believe anything you told him; or at least hoped he would. 

But, what also made you nervous was sometimes it felt like he could read your mind. He couldn’t, but you felt guilty about not keeping your word to him. You had talked to Neville, and now Lavender and Parvati too. You were supposed to be keeping your head down, but you couldn’t help it. It’s impossible to avoid anyone completely; at least that’s what you told yourself. You missed them, yes, and secretly hoped you could find a way to incorporate them back into your life. But, you knew that was too dangerous. 

You had been so deep in thought that you hadn’t heard Draco come up the steps. He placed his hand on your shoulder and you spun around quickly. He laughed lightly, finding it humorous that he had startled you. 

“Sorry.” he said before kissing you on the cheek. 

“Don’t worry about it.” you replied, forcing a small smile. You didn’t know why being around him still made you so nervous. 

Draco could tell something was off. You had always been bad at hiding your emotions. He tried to get you to meet his gaze, but you wouldn’t. “Is everything alright?” he asked, taking your hand. 

You didn’t say anything yet. Instead, you thought about yourself locked in that room as flames raced to your body. Draco squeezed your hand, bringing you back down to earth. You looked up at him and cleared your throat. “Not entirely.” you admitted. 

“What happened?” he asked, his tone changing. You were sure he was preparing himself to hear about something stupid you had done. 

“It’s Snape.” you said softly. 

“What did he do to you?” Draco asked, his voice now stern. 

You met his eyes for a moment again before looking away. “He tried to burn me alive.” you said. “Locked me in a room and left. Told me I should be able to find my way out.” 

“What?” Draco spat. 

For a moment, you thought he was mad at you. He let go of your hand and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked out over the castle grounds for a moment before facing you. 

“And you’re alright? You made it out?” he asked. 

“McGonagall found me just before things got too bad.” you said. “Without her..I’m not really sure what would have happened.” you felt tears start to form in your eyes. 

Draco kicked his foot against the castle in anger. He paused for a moment before doing it three or four more times. You flinched with each kick, watching as his foot collided with the hard stone. 

“This is eating me alive!” he shouted in anger. You flinched, caught off guard by how loud he was. “Every night I can’t sleep, do you know why?” he asked, and you shook your head no. “Because I know I can’t protect you, that there is nothing I could do to keep you safe if something truly bad were to happen. I am helpless. I’m terrified. If anything were to happen to you, I’d snap. And the thing is, things are already happening. And I can’t fucking do a thing about it. I have to sit back and let it happen or else I’d get both of us killed.” Draco kicked the castle again in frustration. 

“Draco, it’s ok. I’ll be ok.” you said, trying to calm him down. 

“The last two times, yeah. But you’ve been lucky. What if something worse were to happen? Or no one is there to save you the next time? What is he trying to do anyways, kill you? I thought you were important to Voldemort, not something to be tossed around and then disposed of.” Draco was breathing heavily as he spoke. “I care about you and I can’t lose you. I wouldn’t have anyone anymore.” 

You were speechless. Honestly, it was surprising to hear Draco talk about his feelings, especially since they were all about you. You approached him and placed your hand gently on his cheek. He closed his eyes at your touch and you could tell he felt a little more relaxed. 

“I’m sorry.” He said softly. “I just wish I could keep you safe.” 

“You do, Draco.” You replied. “You’ve already done so much for me.” 

“I just want this to be over already. I want to move on.” He said. “With you.” 

You felt your heart start to soar. “I really want that to.” But was it even possible? You didn’t want to ask and ruin the moment. You had been living in a world like this for so long it seemed that the war would never be over. You couldn’t remember the last time you weren’t anxious or nervous. 

“When it is, I’ll talk to my parents. I’ll get our relationship approved. Then we won’t have to hide anymore.” 

“And everything will be better?” 

He looked up at you. “Everything will be much better.” 


	32. Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have officially finished writing all the chapters for this fic! I am so excited to share them all with you <3

The following morning was quite grey and gloomy. You peered out your window while getting dressed, watching as the trees started to shed their leaves for the autumn season. You weren’t really sure what you planned on doing for the day, but figured you could hide out in the library like usual. Not having anyone to talk to was getting boring, and Snape was so busy between running the school and making visits to see Lord Voldemort that you were (thankfully) only seeing him once a week for lessons. At this point, you assumed they only kept you at Hogwarts so that it was easier to keep an eye on you. At least there were more people to keep a lookout than at Malfoy Manor where it was almost always empty. 

The only thing to get you out of the library was the daily meals. You’d look across the tables, hoping to see Draco, but he wasn’t there. Not at breakfast, and not at lunch either. You started to worry, but then reminded yourself that he may have just eaten at a different time than you had. That was enough to relax you until dinner came. Again, no Draco. 

You were growing anxious, but tried to stay relaxed. Your mind was racing with ideas of what could have happened, and of course it only came up with the worst possible outcomes. 

He wasn’t at any of the meals on Thursday either. That was when you really started to panic. That evening, you climbed the Astronomy Tower with the hopes that he’d be there; that he would turn and give you a smile when you reached the top and everything would be alright. 

But he didn’t come. You waited until midnight before making the trek back to your common room. The weight in your stomach was heavy, and you were starting to think only the worst of it all. And this time, you couldn’t convince yourself it was ok. 

You walked through the portrait hole, the Fat Lady giving you a dirty look for waking her up. To your surprise, the common room wasn’t empty. Seamus was sitting on the window sill smoking a cigarette with the window open. He turned to face you when he heard you approach, a smile stretching across his face. 

“What were you up to?” he asked, taking another drag of his cigarette. “Sneaking out late at night, eh?” 

“Just went for a little walk.” you replied. It wasn’t completely a lie. 

“Got a lot on your mind?” he asked. 

You were taken aback by his question for a moment. “Who doesn’t nowadays.” you replied before taking a seat on the couch. 

He offered you the cigarette but you shook your head no. “Thanks, though.” you said and he nodded. 

“Don’t know why I came back this year.” he said, looking out the window now. “Being a half-blood ain’t safe here anymore.” He stubbed his cigarette out on the sill and flicked the butt out the window. 

You studied his face a bit better and realized he had a few bruises. “What happened?” you asked. 

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” he waved his hand at you before lighting another cigarette. “Could be worse, I suppose.” 

“Yeah, I suppose.” you repeated.

“You holding up ok?” he asked. 

“Not really.” you said honestly. 

“Probably isn’t easy with your mum around, huh? Wicked woman, she is. Nothing like you.” he gave you a small smile. 

Again, you were caught off guard. It was hard to believe that people didn’t assume that you were like your mother--that they knew there was no way you’d ever want to be like her. You guessed most people knew by now which students had parents who were followers of Lord Voldemort. 

“She hasn’t said a word to me, honestly. I doubt she will.” you sighed. “Though, I’m not upset about that.” 

“Don’t get along then?” he took a long drag of his cigarette. 

“Of course not.” you replied. 

“I always knew you weren’t a Slytherin.” he gave you a smile. 

There was a few seconds of silence between the two of you. You could hear Seamus’ cigarette crackling every time he took another drag. 

“Why are you smoking down here, anyways?” you asked. 

“Dean doesn’t like the smell of cigarettes. So, I try not to smoke them around him. Though, I have to keep gum on me at all times. He can always smell it if I kiss him after I’ve had one, even if its been a while since I smoked it.” 

“You and Dean…?” you asked. 

“Oh yeah, happened a year or so ago. We’ve decided to stop trying to hide it.” he shrugged. 

“I’m really happy for you.” you smiled. 

“Thanks.” he said back. “I’m pretty happy about it too.” he gave you a wink. 

You yawned. “I think I’m going to head up.” you said, standing from the couch. “Don’t stay up too late.” 

“I’ll try not to.” he replied with a cheeky grin. 

You gave him a nod and headed up to your dorm. You got ready for bed quickly, sighing deeply once crawling under your blankets. You were thankful to have run into Seamus. He had been a great distraction from the thoughts of your racing mind. For once, even though it was only for a little bit, you felt like a normal human being. 

-

You walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast quickly that morning. You had planned the previous day that you would get there right when it started, and stay until the table was cleaned up. That way, if Draco showed up you were sure to see him. But, you accidentally slept past your alarm clock, and breakfast had already started. You were mad at yourself for not waking up, but also a little thankful for the sleep. 

You found your way to your usual spot at the Gryffindor table. You grabbed a few things to put on your plate before scanning the Slytherin table. You felt your hands go sweaty. Draco was there, but something was very wrong. He had a giant gash across his face, starting at his forehead, traveling across his nose, and stopping towards the bottom of his cheek. It looked painful and irritated. 

The food on your plate was no longer appetizing. Instead, you had your eyes fixed on Draco. You couldn’t wait to talk to him, you had to know what the hell was going on. The injury across his face was huge, there was no way it was an accident. 

You shook your leg under the table, waiting for Draco to finish eating. You watched him stand, your heart rate jumped, and he made his way out of the Great Hall. You stood yourself, trying to look as casual as possible. You walked out of the Great Hall, trying not to walk too fast and draw attention to yourself. 

You saw Draco round a corner and followed after him. You caught up and grabbed his arm, catching him off guard. He spun around with a disgusted look, shaking his arm away. He realized it was you and stopped before straightening himself out. 

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

“Draco, what happened?” you asked, out of breath. 

“Fuck off.” he grumbled, pushing you away from him. 

You looked at him confused. You didn’t understand why he was being so cold to you. He had disappeared for a few days, returned with an injury, and is upset with you for wanting to know what happened? 

“Don’t do this.” you begged him. It felt like things were going back to the way they used to be, just when you thought that was all over. 

“Don’t talk to me.” he snapped. “Go find someone else to bother.” he turned on his heel and disappeared down the hall. 

Your breath was shaky as you watched him walk away. You started to feel sick to your stomach and ran outside, taking deep breaths of fresh air while trying to calm down. You looked up at the sky; cloudy and grey. You could see the dementors floating about, just outside the protective charms on the castle. Their dark, figureless bodies reminded you of Death Eaters. You weren’t sure which one you feared more. 

You took a few more minutes to relax before deciding to head back into the castle. You were still angry and confused, but at least you weren’t dizzy anymore. You clenched your jaw and tried not to grind your teeth as you pushed past the doors. You were furious. Every time you thought he had changed, Draco went back to being abusive. And every time he did this, you were ready to be done. It was exhausting, and you didn’t know how much longer you could take it. You didn’t need him, you had other people in your life who actually cared about you. 

The halls were empty, and you stormed through them with no particular idea of where you planned on going. You caught some dark robes go around a corner a bit down the corridor, and you decided to follow. You were looking for trouble, and you were going to find some. You picked up speed and was able to see who you had been following: your mum. 

“Hey!” you shouted at her down the hall. 

She stopped, but didn’t turn to face you. 

You had no idea what you were doing. In fact, you weren’t even sure if you were in control of your actions. It felt like something had snapped inside you, or that another entity had taken over. 

“Why do you hate me so much?” you heard yourself say. 

She turned to look at you, no expression on her face. 

“You’ve always hated me. You wouldn’t have locked me up for all those years if you didn’t.” 

Your mum started to walk towards you slowly, each step made you grow more anxious. She stopped once she was as close as she could be without touching you. 

“I hate you because you’re the reason I don’t have your father anymore.” she said coldly. 

You stepped back. “He wasn’t who you thought he was. He wanted change, he wanted things to be different!” 

“Liar!” she yelled. “You’re a  _ liar _ .” 

Neither of you said a thing, both glaring at one another. 

You smiled wickedly at her. “He’d be so disappointed in you, mum.” 

She widened her eyes at you but you didn’t wait for her reply. You spun around and headed in the other direction, still smiling to yourself as you walked away. 

-

You didn’t have to meet with Snape this week, and you were thankful for that. You still hadn’t talked to Draco, and you weren’t sure if you ever planned on doing so again. You skipped a lot of meals, hoping to avoid him. The only thing that helped you feel a little better was seeing your friends. You had decided to go against Draco’s wishes. You spent more time in the common room now, which was better than being alone. You’d get to be in the company of Neville, Dean, Seamus, Lavender, or Parvati, and it was the closest thing to making you feel normal you could find. 

That Tuesday you had decided to skip out on going to the Astronomy Tower. Instead, you were invited up to the boy’s dorm and got to play a game of cards with Neville, Seamus, and Dean. They passed around a bottle of firewhiskey, and you took a swig or two, feeling a bit looser and giggly. It felt good to have fun with your friends. For a bit, you had forgotten the state of the world you lived in. Everything seemed so much better. It was only until you were back in your bed that your anxious thoughts returned, keeping you up later than you’d like. 

Thursday came, and the thought of Draco was gnawing at you all day. You didn’t want to go, but you wondered if he had wanted to talk to you. It was typical of him to apologize after he had done something wrong, he usually needed a few days to realize it. But, that wasn’t healthy and you knew you deserved better. 

You still went, though. You climbed the steps at 9pm, heart racing as you wondered if you’d see him. You weren’t sure what you’d say. You knew that if he apologized, you’d be roped back in. It was embarrassing that he had such a hold on you, but you couldn’t help it. There was something so special about him. 

Once reaching the top, you took a deep breath and stepped out. You saw his silhouette in the dark, standing near the ledge of the castle. He turned to face you, flicking his wand and illuminating his face. The wound across his face was still healing, but it looked a little better. 

“Why isn’t your face healed by now?” you asked abruptly. 

“I don’t want the help of magic.” he responded. 

You didn’t know what to say, so the two of you stood in awkward silence for a few moments. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you.” he said, breaking the silence. 

_ Here comes the apologies.  _ You knew this was what would happen. Draco was getting too predictable. 

“I tried to confront Snape about what he did to you. Your mum overheard. She wasn’t too happy to find out that we had been talking.” he said softly. 

“My mum did that to you?” you asked, feeling horrified. 

Draco nodded. 

You immediately ran over to him and threw your hands over his shoulders. “I’m so sorry.” you said in his ear. 

“It’s not your fault.” he replied. 

“She’s evil.” you said. 

“It’s fine.” Draco said. “I don’t want to think about it anymore.” 

You let go of him and stepped back, nodding. 

“Just know that we have to be extra careful now.” he said. “I don’t want to get in anymore trouble because next time, they might take things out on you.” 


	33. Rat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut and torture warnings for this chapter.

Quite a few weeks had passed and nothing really seemed to change. You still saw Snape once a week, which was the worst part of your week by far. Every Tuesday, you’d go to see Draco and he’d have you tell him what Snape did to you the day before. Sometimes what you told him made him so angry that he couldn’t find any words. Draco knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything, and the scar across his face was a reminder of that. 

Snape’s ‘lessons’ had helped you learn quite a bit about yourself, though. You were starting to get a lot more comfortable with your power, and as you did, you grew stronger. Your strength wasn’t scary either. You actually had pretty good control of it; you could tell even Snape was impressed. 

Both you and Draco had traveled back to Malfoy Manor for the Christmas holiday, and it was just as empty as it usually was. Since the two of you were alone, you didn’t have to hide your affection. You spent your days together from the moment you woke up until you went to bed at night. Sometimes, you’d sleep together, but most of the time you were too nervous to do it--you didn’t want to find out what would happen if you got caught. 

With no one around, Draco seemed a lot happier. He’d crack the occasional joke, smile, and laugh when the two of you were together, and it made things feel kind of normal. You hoped that once everything was over, this is what it would be like. You wanted to move in together, have your own home, and experience a better side of life with each other. 

On this particular night, Draco had brought up a bottle of wine to your room. The two of you shared it, easily finishing it within an hour or two. Draco had pulled you close, starting off with a few kisses on your cheek that lead his lips down your neck and onto your collarbone. He pinned you down on your bed, removing your clothes slowly as he continued to kiss at your skin. 

It felt good, and even better knowing that you could be as loud as you wanted together. Draco pulled his cock out of his pants and rubbed it against your clit a few times before pushing it inside of you. You moaned loudly at the initial thrust, and then closed your eyes once he continued to fuck you. He grabbed one of your legs and put it over his shoulder so that he could hit you deeper. It was almost too much to handle, but you didn’t want to complain. It turned you on to see him use your body for his own pleasure. 

He continued to fuck you, not paying much attention to your needs. He pulled out and palmed his cock a few times, looking down at you as he did so. “Turn around.” he said. You did what you were told, and turned so that your back was to him. Draco grabbed you by the hips and pulled you up towards him. He gave your ass a hard slap and you yelped. He dipped two fingers inside you, and you groaned. “You want more than that?” he asked, and you nodded. He pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his cock. You gasped as he pushed his way inside of you. You reached back to grip one of his thighs, but he grabbed your arm and threw it behind your back. You let your face fall into the mattress and he started to thrust harder again. 

With his free hand, he started to rub at your clit. You moaned into the pillows, grinding against him as your orgasm built. Draco let go of your arm and reached for your neck, grabbing it and pulling you up. He continued to pump you while rubbing at your clit. His cock was hitting a sweet spot, and you couldn’t help but let yourself come undone. You moaned loudly, cumming as you did. He released your neck and you fell back into the mattress. He thrusted a few more times until he was cumming inside you. 

Draco waited a few seconds after he came to pull out. He got up and grabbed a towel to clean himself and you up. You thanked him and climbed underneath the covers, now tired and ready for bed. Draco got in beside you, kissing you on the cheek as he did. 

“Are you sure we should stay in the same bed tonight?” you asked, eyes already closed and ready for sleep. 

“We’ll be fine.” Draco said, pulling you closer to him. 

You didn’t want to fight him on it, you’d rather be together anyways. 

-

You heard a loud cracking sound and your eyes flew open. The sound came again, and then again. You jumped out of bed, waking Draco as you ran over to the window. It was still night, so you couldn’t see who had just arrived at Malfoy Manor, only their silhouettes as they walked up to the front door. 

“Draco.” You said, turning to face him. He had already gotten himself out of bed, quickly putting on his clothes. 

“Stay here.” He said before leaving your room, closing the door behind him. 

You sat on your bed, heart racing as you waited for him to come back. You couldn’t hear much happening in the entrance hall, at least no conversation. Everything was quiet, as if no one was actually in the mansion at all. 

It was making you anxious. Your heart rate hadn’t slowed down, beating quick and fast as you tried not to worry too much. People normally didn’t show up in the middle of the night; that’s what made you so nervous. 

Was there an emergency of some kind? 

A light knock came at your door and you jumped. You got up to open it, wondering why Draco would have knocked instead of just walked in. You swung the door open to see Narcissa standing before you. It was the first time you had seen her since the start of the school year. Somehow, she looked like she had aged just in those few months. She had much more wrinkles that lined her tired face, but she was still quite beautiful. 

“We need you downstairs.” She said, and you nodded. 

You followed Narcissa down the spiral staircase, holding your breath as you walked. Your anxiety kept climbing and you felt like you were going to dry heave. Something seemed very wrong, and you were scared of whatever you were about to see. 

Narcissa led you into the same room you had been in so many times. It was filled with bad memories and always gave you a sickening feeling. You looked around, realizing that many more people were present than you had originally thought. 

Three men that you had never seen before were standing together, their eyes somewhat yellow and animal-like, their clothes were dirty, ripped, and old looking. None of them looked like they had showered in weeks. Draco’s aunt Bellatrix was smiling at you, twirling her curly hair with her wand as she did so. It made you uneasy, trying not to make eye contact with her as you looked around the rest of the room. You saw Draco who looked incredibly upset and his father beside him. They were both looking forward, and you turned your neck a bit to see what they were looking at. 

_ Hermione.  _

You felt yourself immediately go nauseous.  _ Had she been caught by the snatchers?  _ You wondered where Harry and Ron were. Hermione had yet to look up and realize you were looking at her. She had her head down, looking at the marble floor. 

“Do you know this girl?” Bellatrix asked you specifically. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen her before.” You lied. 

“She said her name is Penelope Clearwater. Does that ring any bells?” Bellatrix asked. 

“No, ma’am.” You replied. Hermione was smart by giving her a fake name. 

“But she looks to be around yours and Draco’s age. Neither of you recognize her, though.” Bellatrix said. She started to walk towards you. “I think someone is lying here.” 

“I don’t know who she is.” You said. 

“Well whoever she is, somehow she managed to gain possession of something that was in my vault at Gringotts!” Bellatrix shouted, her voice echoing off the walls. She took another step towards you, now inches from your face. “Be a dear and hit her with some of your magic.” She gave you a wink. 

You knew what she meant, but you couldn’t do it. There was no way you’d hurt Hermione. You had never even tried to hurt someone, who’s to say what would happen? What if you accidentally killed her? 

“I-I can’t.” You said. 

Bellatrix arched an eyebrow. “Is that so?” You nodded. “Why not, then?” She asked in a sharp tone. 

“I haven’t learned—”

“You haven’t learned? Then, are you calling Severus a liar?” Bellatrix asked. 

You paused, not really sure what to say. How did she know how well you were doing in your lessons? You weren’t sure how close she was to Voldemort, but it seemed more so than you had thought. 

“That’s what I thought.” Bellatrix said. “Now go ahead, give her a zap.” Her eyes widened when she said the last word, clearly excited. 

You could feel everyone’s eyes on you. You stood over Hermione, watching as tears trickled down her face and to her chin. They’d fall gently to the floor, one by one. It was horrible seeing her like this. You didn’t know what to do. There wasn’t any way to get out of doing something like this. You clenched your fists, but they didn’t warm up like they normally would. 

“What’s taking so long?!” Bellatrix snapped. 

You ignored her, still looking down at Hermione. You rolled your wrists, as if to loosen yourself up, and tried to generate some power again. Nothing happened. You stepped back, not sure what to do. There was no anger to fuel you because you had nothing but fear and pity. You were scared of Bellatrix and scared for Hermione. You pitied her as she cried before you, thinking her life was about to end. 

You heard the clacking of Bellatrix’s heels as she approached, grabbing you by the shoulder and pushing you away. You fell to the floor and she stepped on you, her heel digging into your sternum. “Pathetic.” She said. 

Bellatrix turned to Hermione, reaching into her own robes pocket and pulling out a knife. You stepped back in horror, not wanting to watch whatever was about to happen. Bellatrix pushed Hermione onto her back with a flick of her wand. “Now, how did you find your way into my vault?” She asked. 

“I didn’t!” Hermione shouted. 

“Lies!” Bellatrix said. Hermione let out a shriek as Bellatrix casted a spell onto her. You watched her kick her legs in pain, screaming until Bellatrix let up. “How did you get into my vault?!” Bellatrix asked again. 

“I haven’t, I swear!” Hermione cried out. 

“Don’t lie to me, girl.” Bellatrix said, flicking her wand at Hermione again.

You wanted to cover your ears as she screamed, unable to handle the sound. It was overwhelming and sickening. You wanted to help your friend, but you knew you couldn’t. You stepped back further, your stomach churning as Hermione continued to cry out. 

Bellatrix straddeled Hermione, holding down one of her arms as she started to carve into her forearm with the knife she had pulled from her pocket. You looked away in disgust, seeing Draco do the same. Hermione screamed and kicked her feet, but that didn't stop Bellatrix. She had a smile on her face the entire time, laughing wickedly on occasion. 

When she was done, she stood from Hermione and looked down at her. Bellatrix rolled up her sleeve, exposing her tattoo, and placed her wand on it. You watched as the ink lit up, and Bellatrix let out a laugh. “He’ll be here soon.” she said loudly, stepping away from Hermione as she spoke. 

Hermione was too exhausted to do anything but stay on the ground. Her head was to the side and you could see tears rolling down her cheeks as she cried. You wanted to kneel beside her and pull her in for a hug, but there was nothing you could do but watch. 

The sound of frantic footsteps was coming from somewhere. You looked around, puzzled. “Hermione!” you heard someone shout. Ron Weasley had emerged, running towards her and falling to his knees. Your eyes lit up, happy to see him. 

“How did you get out?” Bellatrix boomed, drawing her wand. Lucius and Narcissa did too. 

“ _ Expelliarmus! _ ”

Harry Potter had now appeared, disarming Bellatrix as he made himself known. You wanted to clap, you wanted to run over to him, you wanted to go wherever they were planning on going. But, you held back. You watched as Harry shot a few spells at the Malfoy’s while Ron helped Hermione up from the floor. Draco grabbed his wand from his pocket and within seconds he was disarmed, his wand flying towards Ron’s hand. 

A small house elf you hadn’t seen before seemed to pop out of nowhere, grabbing onto Harry and Ron’s arms. Bellatrix looked at him in disgust, throwing her knife at the group of them before they all disappeared within thin air with a loud crack. 

Bellatrix let out a horrendous scream in frustration. You wanted to run to your room, but instead just scooted back into the wall. She let out another scream before rounding on you. 

“ _ You. _ ” she said, pointing a bony finger in your direction. 

You said nothing, just swallowed the lump in your throat as she walked towards you. 

“You did nothing to stop them.” Bellatrix said in a cold tone. “I knew you were a little rat the day I met you.” she flicked her wand at you and you fell to the floor as spasms started to come in waves over your legs. “You’re just like your father, aren’t you?” she spat. 

You kept your head down, trying not to focus too much on the pain in your legs. 

Bellatrix knelt down beside you, placing her hand on the back of your neck and squeezing tightly. You could feel her breath on your face, and you tried to get away from her but she had a good grip on you. 

“Our Lord will be here soon, and he’ll decide what to do with you.” 


	34. Young Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to start straying from 'canon' with these remaining chapters. But, not that much of a difference. Just a little change :)

Voldemort arrived seconds later, and the room seemed to be much colder than before. You shivered as he looked around, his facing looking disappointed. He walked towards Bellatrix and put his hand under her chin. 

“Where’s the boy?” He asked her softly. 

She looked scared to tell him what had happened, her gaze down towards the floor. 

“Bellatrix.” He said her name, getting her to look him in the eyes. 

“He escaped. They all escaped.” 

Voldemort threw her to the side in anger. “He escaped?” He quoted, turning to look at everyone in the room. “With all of you here to keep him from doing so?” 

“My Lord-“ Lucius started, but he was silenced. 

“No excuses, Lucius.” Voldemort said in a soft tone. 

“She-she didn’t do anything, though!” Bellatrix shouted, pointing over to you.

Your stomach dropped. 

Bellatrix came up behind Voldemort, resting her hands on his shoulder. “She’s one of them.” You heard her whisper loudly into his ear. 

Voldemort turned on his heel and looked at you. “Is this true?” He asked. 

“No, sir.” You said quickly. 

“She’s a liar! Didn’t do a thing, just watched as they escaped!” Bellatrix shouted. “She’s just like her father!” 

“Quiet, Bellatrix.” Voldemort put his hand up to her. 

Voldemort walked over to you, standing tall as you continued to stay kneeling on the floor. 

“I think we’ve been too lenient on you, child.” He said. “Hogwarts was nothing but a holiday for you.” 

You looked up at him, confused. His bright blue eyes were staring down at you, making it hard to meet them. 

“She’ll stay here.” He said, calling over to Lucius and Narcissa. 

If you could have, you would have let out a sigh of relief. Staying at Malfoy Manor sounded better than enduring Snape’s torturous lessons. 

“In the dungeons.” Voldemort continued. 

“What?!” You said immediately, not even thinking before doing so. 

“You should consider yourself lucky that I don't kill you.” He said, pulling out his wand and tracing your face with it. “But your abilities are much too precious to me.” He stepped away from you before continuing. “You’ll stay there unless I need you. And if you refuse to do what I ask, then you will be killed. You won’t be much worth to me if you’re willing to do nothing.” 

“Grab her.” 

Bellatrix did as she was told, happily. She grabbed you by the back of your shirt, dragging you across the cold floor. 

“Let her go!” You heard Draco shout, and Bellatrix laughed. 

You looked up to see Draco struggling as his father held him back. Tears started to fall down your cheeks as you watched him, wishing he could save you from whatever hell you were about to endure. 

“What’s this?” You heard Voldemort ask. “Young love, is it? How sweet.” 

You wished you could lift your head, but Bellatrix was yanking you so violently that it was hard to have control over any part of your body. You couldn’t see where she was dragging you, but instead you looked down at the floor as she did, tears still coming. 

Draco yelled out in pain and you started to panic. Bellatrix cackled and started to pull you down a set of stairs. You hit your head hard a few times, crying out as your skull throbbed. 

You heard what sounded like an iron gate being opened, and Bellatrix kicked you down the last stair, laughing as you rolled onto the floor. You were in so much pain, but it wasn’t enough to keep you from immediately getting up. 

Bellatrix slammed the door in your face and you grabbed onto the bars and shook them. She laughed from the other side, watching you struggle. You clenched your jaw and tried to conjure up an electrical current, but nothing was happening. You looked down at your hands, not sure why you couldn’t use your ability. 

“That won’t work down here, darling.” Bellatrix said with a crooked smile. 

You yelled at her, but she didn’t flinch. 

“Enjoy yourself, someone will be back at some point to check on you.” She giggled. 

“Let me out!” You screamed as she started to walk up the steps. 

“This is what you get for being a bad girl.” She said before disappearing up the stairs. 

-

The dungeon was musty and disgusting. Much worse than anything you had ever had to sleep in. You wished you hadn’t left your wand in your room, that was you could use it as a light to see your surroundings. But then again, you were sure they would have taken it from you anyways—and you didn’t know if you actually wanted to see what was around you. 

A dungeon was a dungeon. You wondered if anyone had ever died in there, and if there were skeletons lying about. You didn’t do much moving around, you just stayed sitting in front of the door that now kept you from the rest of the world. It felt similar to when you lived with your mum, but this was much worse. 

You thought about Draco. You hoped he was ok. You could hear him yelling in pain, over and over in your mind. It scared you. You wished he hadn’t tried to protect you. Though you appreciated it, you didn’t want him to suffer too. You hoped he was trying to come up with a way to get you out of there. Maybe the two of you could run off to another country; hide away forever so that no one could find you. 

But that was just a dream. 

No one was coming to get you, and no one was taking you away from all of this. You hated everyone; your mum, your dad, everyone that was a part of this  _ shit.  _ You blamed your parents equally for all of this. Your mum was bad, horrible. This was what she wanted. But your dad? He wanted a way out. And he saw you as his chance. But instead of taking you and running away, he wanted to turn you into a monster. Something that could ultimately put an end to Voldemort. 

And look at you now. You were sure your dad wouldn’t be so happy with the end results of his curse. He was a fool in life and in death. And he could have just ran off with you and saved himself in the end. People were scared of Voldemort, but surely he couldn’t find everyone who hid from him. Right? 

You heard someone at the top of the stairs and your heart leapt with excitement. For some reason, you were still hooked on the idea of being saved. But once you saw who was walking towards you, you knew that wasn’t what would be happening. 

It was a man named Peter. You had seen him around but never talked to him. He had rat-like features and a very submissive posture at all times. Peter seemed scared and unsure of everyone and everything around him. You didn’t understand why Voldemort would keep someone like that alive, but perhaps he was more of use to him than you knew. 

He had a plate in his hands. You assumed that would be your dinner. You stood and put your hands on the bars. Peter seemed unhappy to see you standing, but continued towards you nonetheless. 

“Step back.” He demanded once reaching the final step. 

You did as you were told. 

He slowly inched towards the door. “Don’t try anything.” He warned, bending down a bit to push your plate underneath the bars. 

As he started to straighten out, you took off towards him. Your foot kicked the dinner plate, making a loud sound as it clanged against the door. You reached your arms through the bars and grabbed Peter by his shirt. He was a small, weak man and yelped in surprise as you pulled him to the bars, shaking him violently. 

“Give me the key!” You shouted. 

“I don’t have a key!” He shouted back. 

You continued to pull at his clothes with one hand while you tried to reach for his neck with the other. You slammed his head against the bars and he shouted again, pushing you while you pulled at his thinning hair. 

He was able to get free and tumbled back onto the steps. 

“You wicked bitch.” He spat before climbing back up the stairs, leaving you breathless and now without a dinner. 


	35. Lumos

The little stunt you pulled had gotten you chained up. Thankfully, just your wrists were tied together, and nothing else. It made it a bit difficult to eat the disgusting food brought to you twice a day, but at least you weren’t chained to a wall or completely immobile. 

You assumed a few weeks had gone by. The only person you ever saw was Peter when he came to bring you your meals. You weren’t sure why they still sent him, especially since he was a bit scared of you after what had happened. Maybe it was because they didn’t care what happened to him; he was probably their most disposable member. 

One time, he had to tend to some of the wounds you had on your wrists from constantly rubbing your skin against the chains. Your skin was starting to rub raw and you were getting an infection. He shook as he lifted your arms to inspect you. Once he had rubbed some sort of cream on your wrists, you kicked him hard in the crotch. You laughed as he doubled over in pain, backing away from you as he did. You spun around and tried to make it to the door he had left open, but he sent you flying back with a flick of his wand. Ever since then, he stayed away from you completely. He’d push your food under the door and practically ran back up the steps until he was out of sight. 

Besides the gross food and the cold dungeon, you were completely lonely. You missed your friends at Hogwarts and wished more than anything that you were sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room, watching Harry and Ron playing chess, Neville reading a book about herbology, or Seamus cracking jokes while Dean laughed at them. Hermione would be sitting on the armchair next to you, curled up as she looked over some notes for a test that wasn’t for another month. You thought that being alone for all those years in your room would have prepared you for something like this, but they hadn’t. 

You often day dreamed about Hogwarts to help you feel more comforted. Even if you didn’t think of your friends, it was still soothing to imagine yourself looking up at all the paintings as you rode the moving staircases, the soft blankets that were always so cleanly made on your bed, the food that you got to enjoy for every meal, and the teachers who truly cared about you. You saw it all in color, but when you opened your eyes everything around you was dull and grey. 

Draco was on your mind a lot too. You’d think about him, still wishing he would come and take you away. So badly you wished for a fairytale ending, but knew that wasn’t something that would be happening. You hoped that he was at least alright, and not locked away like you were. 

At night you struggled to sleep. You remembered the first night you had heard someone at the top of the steps. They didn’t turn on any lights, so you couldn’t see who it was. All you saw was a dark figure, staring at you for a few moments before leaving. The third time they had come, you stood to your feet and came to the door. You stared back at them, hoping they’d say something. But they never did. This had gone on almost every night since you saw them the first time.

You laid awake this evening, waiting to hear footsteps. This has become normal for you; waiting up for the mystery person. It was always disappointing when they didn’t say a thing, but you were curious and needed to know who it was. A part of you thought it was Draco, that he was too scared to get caught. So he would just loom above the steps, making sure you were alright before he’d leave again. 

You heard shuffling and stood up quickly. The dark figure was there, standing at the top of the steps as always. You stared back at them, waiting to see if they’d say anything. They waited a few moments, like always, before they started to walk away. 

“Wait!” you shouted.

They stopped. 

“Please.” you begged. “Please tell me who you are.” 

The figure didn’t move for a few seconds. 

“I won’t tell anyone, I promise.” you said. 

Whoever it was took one step down towards you. You felt your stomach jump with excitement. They walked slowly down the stairs, and your anticipation was growing so strong that you had to keep yourself from shaking. They stopped in front of the door, but it was so dark that you still couldn’t see who it was. 

“ _ Lumos. _ ” 

You squinted in the light, the spell illuminating the space between the two of you. Once your eyes adjusted, you realized that Narcissa was standing in front of you. She put one finger to her lips, signifying for you to stay quiet. You nodded at her, and she put her light out. 

“Is Draco ok?” you asked softly. 

“Yes.” she replied so quietly that you could hardly hear her. 

The two of you stood in silence for a few moments. You weren’t entirely sure what to say. You had hoped to uncover the mystery of whoever had been coming to visit you for so long that you hadn’t even planned what you’d say to them. All you cared about was that Draco was alright. 

“When the time is right, the two of you will be together again.” Narcissa whispered. 

You perked up.  _ Had Draco asked her if the two of you could be together?  _ You wondered why she had continued to come check on you late at night. Narcissa had never seemed like she was bad. In all honesty, it seemed like she had been dragged into this and was too scared to fight her way out. In a way, the two of you were a little similar. 

She started to make her way back up the steps. “Wait!” you said, but she didn’t stop. You watched her walk to the top and pause, looking back at you before she left you in the darkness. 

You still wanted to talk to her, you wanted her to stay. She had been the first person to talk to you in weeks, and it made you feel like a human again. But what she had said kept on repeating in your head. 

_ You will be together again.  _

But, when the time is right. And you wanted to know what she meant by that. Did she know something was going to happen? Voldemort was still powerful, you assumed. He hadn’t called for you to be used at his will yet, but you knew there was no way the war had been fought and over with while you were locked up down there. 

You missed daylight, and hoped you’d get to see it soon. 


	36. The Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to stray from canon a little bit for this and the last chapter. 
> 
> I am going to post the last chapter tonight :)

“Wake up!” a shrill voice demanded. You could hear someone rattling the bars of your cell. 

You rolled over on your side and groaned. The floor was not comfortable, and if you managed to sleep, you did not sleep well. Being woken up in such an abrasive way wasn’t pleasant at all.

“Wake up!” they shouted again. 

You opened your eyes and looked over at the iron bars. Bellatrix was peering in at you with an annoyed look on her face. 

She noticed you were staring at her and smiled. “It’s your lucky day.” she licked her lips. “You’ll get to breathe some fresh air.” She raised her eyebrows a few times, then lifted her wand and pointed it at you. You flinched, preparing for the worst. But no pain came. Instead, the chains around your wrists vanished. “Don’t get used to it.” Bellatrix opened the door and threw some clothes on the floor beside you. “Get dressed.” 

The clothing she had provided was a pair of black robes and some fresh socks and undergarments. It felt weird changing in front of her, but it wasn’t like you could ask her to turn away. As soon as you were dressed, Bellatrix pointed her wand and the chains reappeared, holding your wrists together. 

You walked towards her slowly as she waited in the doorway. As you approached, she stopped you with her wand; jabbing it into your chest. 

“No silly business.” she said with a wicked smile. “You’re disposable. Remember that.” 

You didn’t say anything. You didn’t even give her a nod. You just stared into her hazel eyes, trying your best not to look scared or intimidated. 

She positioned herself behind you and then pushed you between the shoulderblades. “Start walking.” she said in your ear. 

And you did. You walked up the steps, taking a right once reaching the top; as directed by Bellatrix. It was weird being able to walk around the Manor again, even weirder knowing that the last time you had been passing through these halls, you were being dragged by the very person who was leading you through them again. 

You were pushed into the room that you had last seen Draco in. A lot of bad memories started to flood back from that day, especially the sounds of Hermione screaming while Bellatrix carved a knife into her skin. 

You tried not to think about it. 

Voldemort was there waiting for the two of you. He turned and smiled, wearing a similar robe to yours and walking around barefoot. You always wondered why he didn’t wear shoes. 

“What are you going to do with me?” You snapped, wanting answers. 

Both of them laughed. Voldemort held out his arm towards the two of you instead of answering your question. Bellatrix grabbed your forearm tightly before touching Voldemort, and within a second all three of you disappeared. 

It was late at night, to your surprise. Being in the dungeon for weeks had made you lose all sense of time. You started to wonder what month it was, and how long you had truly been down in that cell. 

You turned around and felt your heart sink. The three of you had apparated just outside the grounds of Hogwarts. The castle windows glowed in the distance, slightly illuminating the hill you were standing on. You wondered what the hell Voldemort wanted with the school. 

“What’s going on?” You demanded. It felt like your heart was about to beat out of it’s chest; you were so anxious. 

Bellatrix pushed you down onto the ground. “All those weeks in the dungeon and she still hasn’t learned her lesson. This girl’s got a mouth on her.” Bellatrix laughed. “You’re not the one who gets to ask questions, dear.” She placed her foot on your chest, looking down at you. 

You stayed silent, not wanting to get yourself into any more trouble. As they had said, you were disposable. 

A loud crack came and you turned your neck quickly to see a tall man with dark hair appear. He smiled at Voldemort and nodded. Another crack came, and another. More and more people started to show up on the little hill, grouping together as they waited for orders from their Lord. 

They were all ugly and creepy looking. Some of them didn’t even look like humans at all. A few you recognized, having seen them at Malfoy Manor once or twice. But, none of them were the Malfoy’s themselves. You wondered where Draco was and hoped he was somewhere safe. 

“My friends.” Voldemort said as the group continues to grow. “Today is the day we take back the wizarding world, the one we have been fighting to save for so many years!” 

Hundreds of wicked people shouted and cheered. You watched in disgust, knowing that he was referring to the ‘dirty blood’ that had found its way into the magic world. You’d rather be locked in that dungeon than around these monsters. 

Voldemort held up his hand to silence the crowd, then turned to face the castle. He held his wand to his throat and started to speak. Voldemort’s voice flooded your head, it was loud and evasive. If you could have covered your ears you would have, but instead you were forced to listen. 

“ _ I know Harry Potter is at Hogwarts. Bring him to me and all your lives will be spared. You have one hour.”  _

Voldemort put his wand back into his robe pocket, still staring out towards the castle. 

At this point, everything started to come together. Voldemort had come here for Harry, nothing else. They were fighting against impurities of blood lines, but for Voldemort, this was all about the defeat of Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived, the only one he could not touch. 

His true enemy. 

You prayed that Harry would not give himself up, and that no one in the school tried to push him to do so. You knew he was the only hope you all had to finish off Voldemort once and for all. 

Everyone thought Voldemort was so strong, but you saw through him. He looked worried, or nervous about something. His demeanor was different than usual. You wondered what was going on, but partly didn’t care. You just hoped for his downfall. 

“What do we do now, my Lord?” Bellatrix asked. 

“We wait.” 

**-**

The hour passed slowly. Everyone who had joined you on the hill awaiting battle seemed agitated and hungry for blood. One had tried charging towards the castle, yelling with anger as he did, but Voldemort killed him within seconds with a silent hand. He used him as an example of what happens when you’re not patient—and everyone waited patiently after that. 

Voldemort carried himself with such a calm energy that it was unsettling. It almost seemed as if he knew the outcome of tonight before it even happened. When Harry did not show, Voldemort wasn’t angry. He just continued on with his promise. He raised his hand and the crowd of people and monsters behind him went wild. Bellatrix held onto your robes as everyone ran past you, the wind they produced as they did made you sway back and forth. For once, you were thankful for Bellatrix. But, you assumed she was holding onto you to make sure you didn’t get lost in the crowd; it would have been an easy way to escape. 

The first few to reach the barrier around Hogwarts evaporated completely. Your jaw dropped as you watched them die right before your eyes. Everyone else who had followed stopped in their tracks, observing those who had just died an instant death. They raised their wands and started to throw spells at the barrier, slowly breaking it down as they did. You looked up to see it splitting from the top, and then eventually in half until the barrier came trickling down. 

They were then free to roam the school grounds and torment anyone they found. And they did. The army sprinted over the bridge, ready to fight for their Lord. You hoped that everyone fighting on the other side was ready—you didn’t want to see any corpses of your friends. 

“No need to stay and watch.” Voldemort said. You turned to look at him. “Come along.” He held out his arm. 

Bellatrix, the connecting link between the two of you, grabbed your shoulder roughly before taking Voldemort’s arm. The three of you disappeared within thin air with a loud crack. 

The spinning stopped and you felt yourself standing on solid ground. You opened your eyes and looked around, trying to get an idea of where you were. 

_ The Forbidden Forest.  _

Bellatrix pushed down on your shoulder again forcefully, causing you to collapse. You landed on your knees but didn’t make a sound, even though it had been painful. You shifted until you were sitting on your side, then able to stretch out your legs. 

You watched as Bellatrix and Voldemort walked a yard or two away from you. Voldemort still looked calm and collected, but Bellatrix seemed angry and wound up. Perhaps she wished she was out there fighting with the others; she had always come off as someone who liked to kill for fun. 

It was sickening. 

You could only hear bits and pieces of what they were saying. You even tried holding your breath, hoping you could hear more. 

“What if they don’t surrender the boy?” You heard Bellatrix raise her voice. 

You felt your heart rate pick up. Harry wouldn’t surrender, he wasn’t like that. He had fought his whole life to stay alive, there was no way he would give that all up now. 

“We kill them all.” You heard Voldemort say. 

You lifted your head. “Isn’t that what you’re already doing?” You yelled at the two of them. You weren’t sure why you couldn’t keep your mouth shut, it almost seemed like word vomit. 

Bellatrix marched towards you with an angry look on her face. Once she was in reaching distance, she slapped you hard across the face. You fell over and stayed there for a moment, collecting yourself as your face continued to sting. 

“Don’t touch her.” Voldemort snapped. “Get ahold of your temper, Bellatrix.” 

You looked up at her and she pouted for a moment. Then, she turned on her heel and walked back over to him. This time, they walked even further away; sure that you could not hear them now. 

And they were right. You couldn’t hear a single word. 

-

Voldemort and Bellatrix waited in silence with you the rest of the time. It was boring and made you more anxious than you already were. You wished you could get away from them, that you could see what was happening, or maybe go and help protect your friends. But instead, you were tied up and helpless, sitting on the floor of a forest you had set on fire almost a year ago. 

If only your father could see you now. You wondered if he would regret doing what he had done to you. But, he wasn’t here to see, so you were alone in all of this. 

The sound of twigs snapping came from somewhere in the surrounding area. Both Voldemort and Bellatrix straightened up, ready to fight if they needed. Two Death Eaters emerged with their hoods down. One had a bad scratch down his cheek, the other with blood splattered in patches on his robes. 

“The werewolves are ripping children to shreds out there.” One of them said as they approached. 

That seemed to make Bellatrix excited. 

“We’re sure to have a whole new army of them to add to our already powerful pack.” The other said. 

“Good.” Voldemort replied, his voice trailing off. 

More Death Eaters started to appear from the darkness of the trees. They all looked worn out with dusty robes, some with blood splattered on their faces, and others with visible injuries. One had arrived with Hagrid who he had successfully chained up. It was disgusting, you tried not to look at him or make eye contact. The others cheered when they had seen him arrive, as if Hagrid was a prized possession. 

Narcissa came too. She was the only one who looked as if they hadn’t been fighting. Her clothes were clean and in perfect position, not a strand of hair was out of place on her head and her lipstick still perfectly intact. 

You were starting to wonder why so many of them had decided to meet their Lord in the forest. Had he called to them in a way that you did not hear? 

Voldemort raised his wand to his throat, and you winced. His voice intruded your mind just as it had before; cold, snake-like, and terrifying. 

_ “You have all fought bravely, but your numbers are dwindling. Retreat now before all of you lose your lives. Harry Potter, I am directly speaking to you now. Will you continue to let your friends die for you, or will you face me like a hero and sacrifice yourself for others? I will be waiting for you in the Forbidden Forest. Come alone.”  _

Voldemort brought his wand away from his throat and turned to face those who had come together in the forest with him. “If he comes, none of you are allowed to touch him. I must be the one to kill Harry Potter.” 

They all nodded in agreement. Voldemort turned so that his back was to them, waiting for Harry’s arrival. You stayed on the forest floor, not even sure if you were allowed to stand up. You prayed that Harry wouldn’t show; that he would continue to fight until it was all over. 

But he did. 

You looked up as you heard someone approaching, your stomach sinking as soon as you caught sight of him. He had cuts on his face, his clothes were filthy, but he looked confident. Though, there was a sadness behind his eyes, as if he knew this was the end. To you, he was brave. Willingly walking to your death wasn’t something just anyone could do. 

“Harry, no!” you heard Hagrid yell. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, you could tell he was heartbroken to see Harry had come, just as you were. 

You couldn’t help but start crying. Hot tears were running down your face as you watched Voldemort approach him with a smile on his face. After all those years, he finally had who he wanted. 

Voldemort raised his wand, and everything around you seemed to go silent. You could hear nothing but ringing in your ears. Harry looked over at you for a moment, and you wished you could have said something to him. You wanted to comfort him, to tell him he’d be ok, but you knew nothing of death. He was sacrificing himself for the rest of the wizarding world, even though you still believed he would be the only thing to save it. Once he was gone, evil was all that would be left. 

Green light flashed from Voldemort’s wand and you watched Harry fall to the floor. You had to bite your tongue to keep yourself from crying out. Hagrid did, he howled in pain as he watched Harry die. 

Voldemort walked back towards the group of Death Eaters, targeting Narcissa. He summoned her over to him and said something in a low voice that you couldn’t hear. You watched her walk over to Harry’s lifeless body and kneel down next to him. You couldn’t see what she was doing, but held your breath as she did it. After a few moments, she stood again and turned to face Voldemort. 

“He’s dead.” you heard her say. 

The Death Eaters around you laughed and cheered as if they were celebrating the most important moment in their life. Even Voldemort had a small smile across his face, a genuine one, something you had never seen. Bellatrix cackled loudest of all. You could hear her laugh over everyone as she gleefully jumped up and down. 

And yet, their celebration didn’t make you feel sadder. It made you angry.  _ Furious.  _ Listening to them laugh and whoop, it made your skin crawl. You wanted to make them hurt, you wanted them to feel your pain and everyone else’s who had put their hope in the Boy Who Lived. You closed your eyes, trying to block out the sounds of their cheers, but they seemed to grow louder. Your body was shaking, your skin was growing warm, and you could feel your insides starting to glow with fire. 

They would pay for this. 

That familiar feeling came quickly, much faster than before. Perhaps it was because you had never felt so angry until this moment. Everything else in the world seemed to fade into the background of your madness. You were burning bright and hot, and anyone who came close to you would feel your pain. 

You yelled out with your eyes closed. Electric shocks came off of your body, recochetting onto anything they could reach. The trees and Death Eaters closest to you felt it the worst. You could smell burning fire and heard a few screams. You opened your eyes to see that you had successfully set a few Death Eaters aflame, as well as the trees around them. They yelled out in agony as others tried to put the fires out. You smiled, watching them scramble. 

It was beautiful. 

“Grab the boy’s body!” Voldemort demanded. He was pointing at Hagrid, who looked absolutely petrified. 

“You bitch!” Bellatrix yelled at you from a few feet away. She jumped on top of you, throwing her hands around your neck. You choked and struggled under her weight as she held on tightly to your throat. 

As the Death Eaters tried to run out of the forest, one of them had accidentally knocked her off of you. You breathed in deeply, thankful to have oxygen again. You tried to stand to your feet, but were feeling light headed and weak. You stumbled as you ran, but you weren’t fast enough. Bellatrix came for you with her fist and struck you in the head so hard that you passed out, falling to the ground as she laughed. 


	37. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it.

It felt like you were moving, and yet none of your limbs were in motion. The smell of dust and copper were thick in the air, making you not want to inhale. Your body ached, especially your head, and you couldn’t bring yourself to move a single inch of your body. And yet, you were still moving. 

You were being dragged. 

Slowly, your eyes fluttered open. You were on your back, sliding as someone dragged you through the grounds of Hogwarts. It felt like you had cuts and bruises all over your body; whoever was pulling you could care less about your well being. 

Everything around you was in ruins. The castle had been destroyed, bits and pieces of it blown over the courtyard. Some of the stones were resting on top of bodies they had crushed. You held your breath, trying not to look at each dead body you passed. Some of the robes on the corpses were Hogwarts uniforms, the other’s had plain black robes like what you were wearing. Each time you were dragged past a dead Hogwarts student you closed your eyes, not wanting to see who it was. 

Whoever was dragging let go of your robes and your head slammed against the hard ground. You groaned, eyes closed and trying not to think about how much worse your head will hurt now. You turned on your side, arms still bound, and looked up while your head still rested on the ground. 

Bellatrix was standing above you, but not looking in your direction. Without moving too much, you could tell that others were standing around you too. You shifted so you could see what they were facing; the castle. 

What you had recognized as Hogwarts wasn’t what you were looking at, but you still knew it was the same castle. A wall had been blown out, now acting like a new entrance. Stones were scattered around the area, and you watched as students slowly crept out from behind the broken down wall. 

They all looked the same. Exhausted, no light in their eyes, cuts about their faces, torn clothes, and covered in dust. You saw Neville and wished you could give him a hug. You searched the crowd for other familiar faces and came across many. George's arm was in a sling as he stood without his twin brother. Hermione and Ron were standing towards the front, both in tears as they saw their best friend’s lifeless body in Hagrid’s arms. Dean and Seamus, both with blood on their clothes, were also crying at the sight of their dead friend. Professor McGonagall’s hair was a mess, the first time you had ever seen a hair out of place on her head. Madam Pomfrey had blood all over her medic jacket, and Professor Flitwick looked as if he had broken an arm. Parvati was crying into her twin sister’s shoulder with Lavender nowhere in sight. 

At a second glance, you realized just about everyone was in tears.

“Harry Potter is dead!” Voldemort announced. You closed your eyes, wishing you were anywhere but here. “The war is over, we have won!” The Death Eaters cheered, but the students and professors looking at them stayed silent. 

“Draco, my dear boy.” You heard Voldemort say. You adjusted your neck so that you could look in the crowd for him. He was standing behind a few students, more towards the back. He was looking down, not wanting eye contact. “Come, Draco.” Voldemort commanded. 

Draco looked up and glanced at a few students standing next to him. You could tell he didn’t want to crossover to the other side, but you knew he didn’t have a choice. He finally started to make his way past students, being polite and not shoving as he did. Narcissa met him halfway, throwing her arm around him in a motherly fashion. Voldemort stopped them for a moment so that he could pat Draco on the back.

You closed your eyes again, feeling sick to your stomach. You wished you were with Draco, not lying on the ground in chains. Had he forgotten about you? 

“Now is your chance to join us. You will be rewarded, but those who do not...I can promise will regret it.” Voldemort turned to the rest of the students as he said this. 

Silence followed. Then, laughter. You opened your eyes to see Neville limping towards the Death Eaters while dragging a sword on the ground behind him. You couldn’t believe it. You bit your lip as you watched him, wanting to scream at him and tell him to stop. 

“Though you may not have been our first choice, all are welcome just the same.” Voldemort said to Neville as the Death Eaters continued to laugh. “What is your name, young man?” 

Bellatrix stepped forward. “Is that  _ my sword _ ?” She snarled at him. You took a second look and recognized it to be the same one Bellatrix had accused Hermione of stealing. 

“Your sword?” Neville laughed. “The sword of Godric Gryffindor should never be in the hands of someone like you.” 

“I know who this boy is…” Bellatrix said as she got a better look at Neville. “How is mummy and daddy?” She started to grip her wand tightly. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw movement. You turned your head just slightly to see Harry’s body...moving? You blinked and again, saw Harry shifting in Hagrid’s arms. Was he still alive after all? 

Within seconds you got up off the ground as quickly as you could, ignoring the pain in your body. Bellatrix was too distracted by Neville to see, and you turned to face Voldemort. Heat started to grow inside your body, just as before. This was your chance to try and do something, even though it felt like there was no hope left. If Harry was truly alive, you could help provide a distraction for him. 

A powerful surge of anger went over you and you closed your fists tightly, gritting your teeth. You then lifted both of your tied up hands, pointed them directly at Voldemort, and sent a bolt of energy towards him. It was white and powerful, unlike anything you had produced before. Just as you were about to strike him, he turned and deflected your attempt. But, it didn’t matter. Harry had jumped from Hagrid’s arms, drawn his wand, and shot a spell at Voldemort while he was distracted by your attack. 

Red light came flying from the tip of Harry’s wand, and Voldemort spun around quickly, now pointing his wand at Harry as a deep green spell collided with Harry’s red one. Everyone gasped, surprised to see Harry alive. You were so distracted by what was going on, you hadn’t noticed Bellatrix running at you with full speed. She knocked you down to the ground and got on top of you. Her wand was held at your throat as she looked down at you with crazy eyes. 

“How dare you try to hurt my Lord!” She screamed in your face. 

You struggled underneath her, trying to push her off. But, you were too weak. You looked up at her, thinking her face was the last thing you’d see before death. You knew she wanted to kill you, and you were sure it would happen now that you had tried to harm Voldemort. You closed your eyes, ready to embrace death. 

But it didn’t come. Instead, you heard a gasp. You opened your eyes to see Bellatrix completely shocked. The end of a sword was coming out from her chest, and her blood was falling onto your body. Neville come into view, you watched him pull the sword out of Bellatrix and she fell to the ground next to you; dead. 

“Neville.” you gasped, not sure what to say but entirely thankful for him saving you. He was looking down at you with a stern face before turning to face the duel between Harry and Voldemort. You wished you could bring yourself to look, but your body hurt. You closed your eyes to listen, praying that Harry would be victorious. 

You felt someone grab the back of your robes, trying to pull you up off the ground. You opened your eyes, thinking it was Neville. But it was Narcissa. She steadied you on your feet, having you wrap one of your arms around her shoulder. 

“This way.” Narcissa’s voice said from behind you. 

Your knees wobbled as you walked alongside her. She continued to help support your weight as you limped away with her. You wanted to look back and see what was happening, but you could sense her urgency. 

She was trying to get away. 

“What’s happening?” You asked in your exhausted state. 

“Just keep walking.” She said. 

And you did. It was a short walk, but it felt like an eternity. With every step your bones and muscles ached. 

Narcissa led you towards the edge of a bridge that had been destroyed by the war. Lucius and Malfoy were standing there waiting for the two of you to join them. Draco looked up and saw you, immediately running over to help you walk. You smiled at him and he kissed you on the cheek before putting his arm around you. 

“Where are we going?” You asked. 

“Away from here.” Narcissa answered. She held out her arm and you grabbed onto it. 

And with that, you disappeared with a loud crack. 

**-**

Narcissa had apparated back to Malfoy Manor. The two of you appeared before the giant home just a few hours after the sun had come up. You didn’t even realize how long you had been awake—or how truly tired you were. 

She shuffled you inside. There were bags packed and waiting by the front door. You looked down at them, wondering what was going on. 

“What happened?” You asked. 

Just as you posed the question, Draco and Lucius came through the door. 

“It’s over.” Lucius replied. 

“We have to leave; get out of the country. Stay low for a while, just to make sure he’s really dead.” Narcissa said. 

“Voldemort?” You asked. 

“Yes.” She replied. 

You couldn’t help but smile just a little bit. You’d never have to deal with the pain that man put you though ever again. You’d still bear the curse your father had left on you, but that was nothing compared to how Voldemort made you feel. 

In a sense, you were free. 

“What about my mum?” You asked, finally remembering her. You hadn’t thought about her since you left school. 

“Minerva McGonagall had the pleasure of chaining her to the Astronomy Tower, along with your uncle. If you’d like to go get them down, by all means.” Lucius said sarcastically. 

“No.” You said softly. You hoped you never had to see your mother again. 

“We’ll take care of you now.” Narcissa said, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. 

Lucius opened the front door with one hand while charming some of the packed bags with the other. You watched them float outside towards a black muggle car that had pulled up the long driveway. 

“We’re going to be traveling to Wales. We own a second house on the seaside.” Narcissa said, not looking at you while she talked. “Draco, take her upstairs and get her cuts cleaned up. Your father and I will finish packing.” 

Draco gently took your hand and led you upstairs. You walked slowly together, both exhausted and injured. He opened the door to the bathroom and helped you inside. He then closed the door and turned to face you. Both of you had cuts and bruises, dusty clothes and tired eyes. 

At the same time, the two of you burst into silent tears, embracing one another and holding tight. 

“I’m so glad you’re alright.” Draco said in your ear. “I was so worried something bad had happened to you.” 

“I can’t believe we actually made it out.” You cried into his chest. 

“It’s over. We don’t have to fight the war anymore.” Draco replied. “We’re safe.” 

“And we can be together.” You said. 

“Yes, we can be together.” Draco repeated. 

The two of you embraced for a few more moments before separating. Draco turned on the faucet in the shower and started to peel off his clothes. You did the same, careful not to accidentally bump any of the injuries you had on your body. Bellatrix had not been gentle with dragging you around, and unfortunately there were much more cuts on your legs than you had previously thought. Draco looked at them with sadness in his eyes; you knew he wished he could have prevented every single one of them from happening. 

Draco helped you into the shower, then stepped in himself and closed the curtain. The warm water felt good on your body, washing away the blood and dirt from the castle grounds. Draco helped wash your body off, careful around the wounds on your legs. The two of you then embraced again, both holding each other as the water trickled down your skin. 

You felt safe for the first time in forever. 

The two of you got out of the shower carefully. There were two neatly folded piles of clean clothes waiting for you on the counter. You assumed a house elf had left them there for both of you. Your wand was sitting on top of your clothes, and you were surprised to see it. You wondered where it had been or who found it; but you were happy to have it back in your possession. 

Together, you got dressed in silence. Draco helped you slip on your socks and shoes since it was too painful for you to bend over; your back was still throbbing from everything it had been through. The dragging, throwing around, and sheer exhaustion of using your power was enough to make you feel like you had just worked out for hours on end. 

“Thank you.” You said to Draco as he finished lacing up your second shoe. 

“Anything for you.” He replied, kissing you gently on the cheek. “Come on.” 

Draco led the way back downstairs. All the luggage that had been waiting by the front door was now packed away in the car. Draco grabbed your hand and squeezed it as the two of you made your way outside. He opened the car door for you and helped you get inside before climbing in after you. The inside was dark with black interior and leather seats. Narcissa and Lucius were sitting across from you, both looking just as tired as the two of you. 

The car started to pull out of the driveway and Draco grabbed your hand again, holding it while resting his arm and yours in his lap. You leaned your head against his shoulder and closed your eyes. 

This wasn’t the exact fairytale ending you had hoped for, but it was much better than you had ever thought it could be. 

_ The end.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read all the way through <3 this was my first time writing a Draco x Reader fic and it definitely won't be my last. I have started a Weasley twins x Reader fic if any of you are interested in that. Anyways, thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoyed :)


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